Should this behaviour worry me?

[iamadramallama]

Bit of back story for context....

My son is nearly 12. (Taken into care at 3, one foster care placement, placed with us for adoption at 5).

He's doing well academically at school but emotionally, he's less mature than his peers.

The behaviour that concerns me is the following:-

He seems to need a level of running commentary. All the time. He talks a lot. Tonight I was ironing in the lounge while he played with his hot wheels cars and I was interacting but really he was just commentating all the time "I'm going to put this car here because...." "that car won the race" "I wonder if this one will win" "I've just dropped a car on my foot" - that kind of thing.

He made lunch for himself "I'm going to have ham and cheese today" "I am putting the butter back now" "this is a tasty sandwich I would describe it as tasty" as an example

It may be perfectly normal but I do sometimes wonder if there is something in him that just needs the noise and the voice. He's rarely still, struggles with his self confidence, likes to rush things and get them over with. I have never had a psychological assessment but I am pretty sure he has a classic avoidant attachment style. The description fits him to a T!

I've posted in Adoption as obviously he is adopted, he didn't have a "typical" first few years and I hope you guys will understand a little better.

Thanks

He sounds like a TV presenter in the making!

My 2 year old talks and talks and talks. I wouldn’t say it’s nonsense chatter as he’s figuring out the world and asking a lot of questions (and repeatedly the same question) but I think of it as similar. It’s noise. He likes noise he’s in control of (and is scared of everything else apart from if it’s coming from me).

I remember reading somewhere that parents doing running commentary of what they’re doing is good for traumatised kids as they know what’s happening and about to happen. I keep forgetting to try this but I want to. Maybe he’s doing a version of this?

Have you spoken to post adoption support? Hopefully someone wiser than me will come along (I’m very new to the adoption world) and they’ll provide you with better answers.

Nonsense chatter. It's a "thing", and it's endless. It says "I'm here, don't forget me! I'm here!"

There are some good YouTube videos by an American adopter/foster carer.

Thank you thank you - it's a thing! It has a name! I am so relieved it's not just me/him. I googled nonsense chatter and found this bloody lovey poem which reminded me of one of his common ones "what's your favourite...." repeats a million times

Thanks again more reading to do.

really can’t stop talking cos you might forget I’m here
It keeps your focus on me as I bend your weary ear
Lots and lots of nonsense questions
I just switch off from your objections

What’s the purple ist purple that you have ever seen
What are we having for dinner and why is the grass green
I’m scared I’ll be invisible if I cease to babble on
I need to keep your interest to feel like I belong

I cannot sit here quietly cos of wobbles in my belly
So I make lots of noise and I interrupt the telly
What if you don’t feed me or make me go away
You’ll always know I’m here if I’ve got lots to say

It’s all about survival and making sure you’re near
The nonsense in my questions stem from all my fear
I know this drives you crazy and can make you feel insane
It all comes from my trauma and under developed brain

I need your reassurance that you’ve not forgotten me
Let me know you’ll listen when you’ve finished cooking tea
Try to be more playful and say your ears are full
But they’ll be far more empty when I get home from school

If my questions are ridiculous, relay them back to me
It’ll interrupt my trauma and might be quite funny

Gently touch my shoulder and remind me that you’re there
Let me know you understand the need behind my fear

And lastly but not least, please do not forget
Developmentally I’m younger and my brain’s not caught up yet!

By Sarah Dillo

That's a great poem.

Sarah Naish has a book about nonsense chatter, as well.

That poem is beautiful.

My 5 yr old does the constant chatter. Sometimes it’s commentary or a line or a song over and over (think jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells) or a line from a movie. The speed or volume changes depending on his anxiety. I sometimes ask him to do it in his head (so he mouths it) but that lasts 10 seconds. Drives us all nuts but part of who he is (he is 5). He also has other repetitive behaviour (twirling, chewing, rocking etc).

I understand it’s anxiety and probably trauma related (in our case I say probably as we are also considering asd due to other behaviour including eye contact and social skills).

I think the constant chatter is very coming in children who have trauma and attachment issues (my son has both).

It sounds like his “inside” voice is outside. If you think about it we all talk ourselves through what we’re doing in our head in a “now I’m doing x, I need to do y, that’s a really nice cup of tea, I’m enjoying that” but it happens internally. It sounds like his processing needs to be more concrete - he needs to hear himself think, if you know what I mean. Hence the constant chatter.

It may settle down, but if it concerns you there’s no harm in having him see an Ed Psych or Clin Psych who might have strategies to help him process internally.

Some people don't have the internal monologue you're talking about, so it may not be that. It must be exhausting living in a brain that nonsense chatters monologue.

Nonsense chatter is, ime, anxiety based. It worsens when anxiety is worse, improves when anxiety is addressed.

Thanks for the further replies all helpful. I agree re the anxiety. I've noticed it's more prominent this half term. When he's at school and in that routine he is generally better regulated and calmer.

I sometimes just cuddle him when he talks at me non stop

How does he react if you try to engage when he is chattering? Joining in the chat, asking questions?

@sassygromit

How does he react if you try to engage when he is chattering? Joining in the chat, asking questions?

Unless I'm exhausted I always engage with him and we just chat rubbish fo each other

I do sometimes ask why he's asking a question I know he knows the answer to (which he does a lot). He'll ask me my favourite colour , my favourite subject at school like space fillers

That sounds good, but I understand why you'd be worried about him talking to himself, keeping a running commentary of what he is doing, and I just wondered how, if you started to join in at that moment, he reacted?