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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption process , would we be able to adopt ?

9 replies

Lifesforloving1 · 26/10/2020 14:21

Hello ,
Looking for some advice please, i have been diagnosed as “infertile” For many years .. over the past year I have been off my prescribed medication to try and conceive. This has not been an easy time , causing me to feel very ill from not taking it . We have decided to look into adoption after Christmas . What would I need to consider when adopting ?
Myself and my partner both work full time , my partner has a daughter from a previous relationship.
I do rent a house (would this be a problem ?)
What sort of things will I have to think about ?
Thankyou .

OP posts:
rottiemum88 · 26/10/2020 14:27

Can you afford to take a year out as adoption leave? Have you checked your employers’ policies? I don’t think the rented house is an issue, providing you still have adequate room. Will your partner’s child still have their own room?

Lifesforloving1 · 26/10/2020 14:46

@rottiemum88
I’m not overly sure , I havn’t looked into that as yet ?
I was just wondering on what may make us fail ?
She has her own room . But does not live with us though out the week ?

OP posts:
Twizbe · 26/10/2020 14:54

From my experience, they will need to know why you're infertile and that you've either exhausted all treatment or accepted not doing it. Basically they don't want to start the process for you to then fall pregnant.

They'd need to know about your health condition and medication. It's not a total bar to have a health condition but they do need to know.

Your local council will list their own criteria for adoption and have information you can read / information evenings to attend

heycorona2020 · 26/10/2020 15:10

Agencies like one of you to be able to take 12 months off, BUT not always and it may depend on the child's age you adopt.
We bought our son (7 months at the time) home in April (couple of years ago) and our adoption order was granted in October, so anything after that was our decision and nothing to do with social services (so 6 months after bringing our son home). But we did say we could take the time off.

Rented house no problem, but they would need you to have a room just for the adopted child, whether your partners child only stays at weekends or not. The adopted child/baby would need a room of its own.
Also they like the adopted child to be at least 2 years younger than the bio child.

Check both your companies adoption leave as it may be financially better for your partner to have the time off rather than you. I'm self-employed so got nothing when it came to adoption pay, but my husbands company had a policy that ended up being really good (after a battle to get his national healthcare company to put their adoption policy in line with the maternity one!). He ended up getting 3 months at full pay and 6 months at half pay, and then statutory for the last 3 months.

They will look into your medical history, you will have to have a medical with your doctor, which is then sent to the agency's doctor to review.

You haven't said what your medication is for, and you don't have to, but be aware this may be looked at in more depth.

If you have still been trying to conceive in the last year it may be worth thinking about if adoption is now your only avenue to have a child. Agencies will want you to not be considering any other options (natural, IVF etc) if they are going to progress with you.

Your finances will be looked at, what comes in and what goes out, so they can see you can 'afford' a child.

Your family history will be looked at, what relationship you have/had with your parents and siblings, and depending on the age of your partners daughter she may also be spoken to.

How long have you been with your partner? Your relationship will be looked at too, along with your education and work history.

We had a lovely social worker, I still send him photos every few months of our son, but this can differ massively. Ours used common sense, was very experienced and knowledgeable, and this really helped us. Some others I have heard about are more about ticking boxes, aren't as friendly and can be inexperienced.

Hopefully the above hasn't scared you, we adopted nearly 3 years ago but it is very intrusive, frustrating and there is a lot of paperwork. The whole process for us (with an experienced social worker) took about 9 months, before we got approved. Then you have to wait to be matched with a child, and we were very lucky to be matched 1 month after being approved, but some people take months/years.

But we now have a 3 year old who is amazing, and it was all worth it!

Lifesforloving1 · 26/10/2020 16:58

@heycorona2020
Many thanks for replying to me !! That’s helped a lot so Thankyou 😊
Myself has a few medical issues, having an enzyme disorder .
I also have a disability from having a stroke at a young age. Do you think this would matter ? Apart from that I’m pretty good 😬

Also Thankyou for telling me about the separate room. We actually only have two bedrooms. So this may be an issue for me 😞
My self and my partner have been together for 6 years.
I’m aware that you have to of stoped taking

fertility drugs for at least 6 months ?

My step daughter is 9 . So the age gap wouldn’t be a problem . X

OP posts:
PaintedLadyWBB · 26/10/2020 16:59

Just a note about renting whilst adopting. One agency we went with required us to have a written letter from the landlord stating that they had no intention of selling anytime soon. They were happy to do that. We didn’t need it in the end as we moved and bought a place anyways

Niffler75 · 27/10/2020 15:30

@Lifesforloving1 Hi, just want to reassure you about the health issue. I had to undergo brain surgery and have done lasting effects but this was not a barrier to adoption. They may want an early medical and the opinion of any other consultant you are under but try not to worry.
Also many couples do not know the reason why they cannot conceive. After trying for a long time my husband and I decided on adoption without having had any fertility treatment. It's a personal choice but the right one for us!
Rental property, not a problem as long as it is a stable accommodation and there is space for a child to have their own room.

Lifesforloving1 · 27/10/2020 18:42

@Niffler75 Thankyou so much for you’re lovely reply ! I had a stroke when I was young and it’s left me with limited use of my arm. I also have a enzyme problem. But that’s controlled . This has made me feel much better about it all . And I’m excited to one day hopefully have a little one too love . Thankyou xx

OP posts:
Niffler75 · 27/10/2020 19:24

@Lifesforloving1 You are welcome! I'm sorry it's happened to you but what better to demonstrate your resilience and ability to cope with change, all essential for adopters!

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