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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Hello, Question

5 replies

malehere27 · 21/10/2020 14:57

So, I was told that this is a good part to post on and was pointed in this direction of the site. So let me give you some background. I have unfortunately found out I have testicular cancer and unfortunately I am most likely infertile also because I have a mild variocele and no sperm was found when I did samples before my operation.

Back in 2009 when I was 17 I looked on my patient records and it says aggressive behaviour. I wasn't in the best state of mind then but received counselling. Before this in 2008 I had major bowel surgery and in 2011 I had another operation, and now of course I have had this operation. I don't work and was due to start my second year of university before all of this but have had to be deferred for the year and I have never worked.

I would really like to be a parent in a future but will all of this affect me and is it true that I have to even wait 5 years before I am cancer free

Thanks

OP posts:
Ted27 · 21/10/2020 17:04

Hello

I’m sorry to hear your news and that you have had so many health issues.
You would need to speak to an agency about how many years cancer free you need to be as they can differ.
To be honest though, I wouldn’t think about adoption at this point in your life,
You sound like you have a lot of things to address, not just health.
You must be about 28 but you have never worked ? You need to think about how you would look after a child - you need a stable home and finances for a start. Even without your health issues, you could be some years off being in a position to adopt.
You don’t mention a partner - single people do adopt but it makes being healthy even more important
Don’t forget adoption is primarily about children who need families. Social workers have to minimise the risk that children who have already lost so much, will not lose another parent, its an even bigger risk of course if you are single.
I’m sorry that this probably isnt quite what you want to hear. It is of course possible that you can adopt in the future but I think you need to take it one step at a time.
Good luck with your treatment and recovery

Jellycatspyjamas · 21/10/2020 17:26

None of the things you’ve mentioned would in and of itself prevent you from adopting but I would echo what @Ted27 has said.

You need to be in a stable place in your physical and mental health and in a good place financially. For example, if your health has prevented you from working, I’d wonder how you’d have the physical and mental resilience needed to parent an adopted child. I’m not saying it’s impossible, I’m saying you would need to build enough resilience to be able to cope.

Social workers need to know you’re likely to be able to care for a child to adulthood and support into adulthood. That includes things like expected life span, as well as not having foreseeable health issues that might render you unable to put your child’s needs first. If you look at some of the threads from parents with newly placed children you’ll get a sense of the demands that will be made of you and the challenges you’ll face. None of those experiences are atypical and you need to be able to be steady enough to cope.

The other part is your mental health, in terms of the violent behaviour as a teenager, you will need to be able to talk about this openly. That mans reflecting on what was happening for you at that time, what prompted the violence (and what the violent behaviour actually was), and the work you’ve done to overcome this. Being able to understand yourself at that time in your life is absolutely crucial because children will trigger you in all kinds of ways and social workers need to know that you have ways of coping that don’t involve violence.

In terms of being cancer free, a lot will depend on the type of cancer, the recovery rate, how you respond to treatment and the ongoing prognosis. I’d expect them to ask for an early medical and those findings will be an important part of the assessment. I’d also expect social workers to explore with you the impact of your physical health on your mental health and well-being.

In all honesty, you need to focus on your health and recovery first, and then focus on being able to get a job and sustain yourself in the workplace to provide a secure base to work from. That may take a few years in any event so try not to worry about 5 years cancer free, because you’ll need that time anyway.

You’ve had a lot to deal with over a protracted period of time and it sounds like the idea of not having children has been a huge blow for you. Give yourself time so that when the timing is right, you go into the process in the best place possible.

Mumtolittlesausage · 21/10/2020 19:31

In regards to the cancer issue its dependant on the agency and medical examiners. I was initially told it didn't matter how long I had been clear for so we started the process. When I was 6 months clear. I was open and honest from the outset but told as long as i was fit and well it didnt matter. After my medical, the medical examiner then said they would prefer if I were another year clear before proceeding so we had to wait a year before continuing to stage 2

Sootyandsweep2019 · 21/10/2020 20:57

Can I just remind people posting that testicular cancer is very unlike other cancers in that the prognosis is excellent and it very rarely reoccurs, ( currently sits at something ridiculous like a 99% survival rate). So , in short, it should not be looked at like any other cancer type , as it is very unlikely that it would return or there would be any serious risk of the children losing a parent if it did.
Op, I wish you the best of luck with your treatment and suggest you look at cancer research UK's links on testicular cancer, which should hopefully reassure you as to how exceptionally curative and survivable it is. Good luck.

Additionally , if you are on a lot income and have savings of Ross than £6000 , you may wish to contact Macmillan Cancer support who can assess you for a small Macmillan grant , approx.£300.00 to support people on a low income with the cost of cancer.

Mynamenotaccepted · 21/10/2020 21:08

Can only comment on the cancer aspect, I had a mastectomy in the March for breast cancer and our son was placed in in the October. We had already been approved in the February and we thought that was it but to my total shock they were still interested. They did with my permission contact the surgeon who felt I would be fine and I am.
Good luck.

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