During the process I used to peruse the forum and think "everyone is so miserable!! Is this the right thing to do??!" but of course, you post when you need help and not usually when things are going well.
And in early placement, I posted A LOT. I found the first few weeks & months really, really hard. Not helped by lockdown which made just being alive feel 10x harder, let alone with a newly placed and traumatised toddler on top! Everything was just going tits up, my wife lost her job, global pandemic, our cat died :( and through it all I struggled to bond with our little one. There were times I looked at him and thought "I hate you." God that sounds awful to say now! I posted on here loads and everyone was really nice (THANK YOU) and kept me sane. I only sent one panicked/tearful email to our social worker (and got some theraplay sessions out of it which have been amazing, even via Zoom).
It's been 7 months which is still very early. But the love for my kid is growing thick and fast. I took him to a playgroup and was watching him playing with bubbles, and an extremely intense feeling of love and protection came over me. I am now one of those mums that would lift a car off of him without even trying. And I'm sure it's going to grow even more. We have loads of kisses and cuddles and now when I tell him I love him, I really do mean it.
So if you are struggling I want to say IT GETS BETTER and you can do this! The love will come and you're doing amazing.