Finding Linkmaker hard

[Lairyfights]

Just the title really. It’s all really hard.
September we pulled out of a match because of some last minute information given about one child in the sibling group.
Today, we weren’t shortlisted because they went with more experienced adopters.

In between that, there’s been about 8 profiles that haven’t progressed passed ‘shown interest’. It’s just all really hard. We were approved in June and started looking in August because of COVID stuff.

It all feels impossible and like we’ll never get our family.

Feeling very deflated.

Keep going...hopefully it will be because the universe has a good reason!

yes its hard, the hardest part I think. And do hard not to invest your emotions in children.

But if you have only been looking since August, it is still early days.

One day it will be your turn and the waiting will be like it never happened - honestly it will
Hang in there

It's really hard. But you only need one profile to be yours. One social worker to see your profile, and think "this is the family in looking for."

It's a weird weird situation. But it passes, and you'll get there.

I understand how you feel and felt exactly the same as you. We used Link Maker for around 7 months before we were linked with our daughter. It was incredibly difficult and we expressed interest in probably over 30 children during that time. A couple of times we got down to the last two families and were not selected which was very hard and we were quite close to giving up. We then saw our daughter’s profile and there was something about our profile that made her SW feel like we would make a good match. She is now home with us and is perfect and despite all the difficult months she was definitely worth waiting for. We feel very lucky.

If you can keep on going you will find your child and they will be just right for you just as you will be right for them.

The only thing that helped me get through was distracting myself with work and yoga really so I had less time to think and dwell on it!

It is really hard when you do not get chosen for a child. But when you do get linked and you have your LO at home, trust me it'll feel inconceivable that you could have ended up with any other.

There was one potential link that I was really devastated not to proceed with, at the time. I didn't have that instant "this is my kid" reaction to any profile apart from this one, and another family was chosen. But now I find myself frequently thinking "thank fuck we didn't get that kid, or we wouldn't have this little guy!"

It's a long hard slog but it'll come out right in the end. I used to think to myself "the right child is the one you have."

Yes we have had similar experiences and are in a similar position and I also feel disheartened. We have been looking a few months longer. It’s hard. I’m really regretting the agency we chose, if we’d known at the start they have very few children to place, and we’d end up on linkmaker I’ve had gone elsewhere. I think the delays in the courts have slowed things down and so the SW are taking ages to respond to expressions of interest. Hope the posters above lifted your spirits, hold on in there.

Thank you everyone. Your experiences do make me feel less alone. It’s all just so overwhelming at the moment. I have 3 close friends who have all become pregnant and have had or are having their babies in the next month or so, all who started trying after we started our adoption process. I know I can’t compare but I really am ready for some good news after this absolutely shitting arsehole of a year!

Can completely sympathise! We started our adoption journey over a year ago and were approved in May, we have not yet ever seen a child's full report and have never got past the shown interest stage.

Our SW is never in touch and just keeps saying everything has slowed down blah blah... On paper we are uncomplicated adopters, finances, room and child care experience in place. Just seems very frustrating!

We also can't help but feel envious of those friends and family around us that are now pregnant. O well fingers crossed it will all come together at the right time for the right child.

I remember it well. One weekend we expressed interest in so many children that our SW gave us a right telling off but I think it was because we felt that nothing was happening. For us our eventual link didn't come through LM but I know many people where it did, it takes a lot of discipline I think to not obsess and spend hours and hours on it. Like everything in the matching process it is so easy for it to become all consuming and with LM the hardest thing is that there is no idea whats going on behind the scenes.