Husband's work worries

[Malzzy]

I've just had an initial phonecall with the local authority adoption people who'd like to come out and see us next week. The thing is, my husband works away for 4 weeks at a time and won't be home. When I mentioned this, the lady said that there will be a stage in the process where they'll need to meet with us once a week every week for 10 weeks, and would this fit around my husbands work? It wouldn't, as he works a month on, a month off. We'll be able to arrange it financially so that he'd have 3 months of leave if a child was placed with us, but can't arrange a stint of 10 weeks off prior to that. She said she'd ask around and see if it's even possible for us to adopt (she wasn't one of the SW's) but didn't sound too hopeful. Does this sound right? 😔😔😔

Most are doing the weekly meetings virtually now anyway so as long as while your husband is away, he can find a few hours each week (on a weekday) to do the call I can't see it being an issue. As he is only away for a month at a time, you will still both be in the same location for 6 of the sessions.

Army families adopt, so I'm sure this will be surmountable.

very little is insurmountable in adoption world.
She is talking about homestudy
As has been said a lot is on line now anyway, but even if they do want to meet in person, its doesnt have to be 10 consecutive weeks.
If you have to have a break for a month and it takes you a bit longer than that's what you need to do.
I would give some thought before you meet any social worker about how you will manage your husband working away.
What is your support network like, do you both have the same approach to parenting, how will you cope with excitement of daddy coming home or missing daddy whilst he is away. Will your husband disrupt your routines etc etc.
I'm not suggesting it will be a problem, but it will be an area they will probe, its better to show that you have thought about it and have some answers ready
good luck

Thankyou. When we initially thought about adoption being an option for us, we read somewhere about a family with a father in the armed forces adopting so we thought that perhaps it wouldn't be a huge issue. It's just how she was talking this morning, it didn't sound great. He would be available via zoom for example when he's away, as he could offer to do the night watches so he's available through the day.
We have a birth child who's 5, so as a family we're used to the set up and I have a big, close, support network locally. Our daughter has never known anything else though, and I understand that any child coming from care would have additional needs for support/routine etc though so it is something we'll be open about and discussing through the process (if we're now allowed to apply!). I've consciously tried to keep as many things as possible the same whether he's home or away though.
I really hope this isn't a barrier for us 😔

honestly I wouldnt worry about. They have to ask about things, thats their job.

It dosent mean its a huge issue, they just want to know you have thought it through - everyone has something, for me it was being single, for others it could be a health condition or disability. We all adopt.

you will be fine

Hi there,

Please don't be put off by this. It doesn't have to be 10 consecutive weeks. I'm sure they can offer some kind of flexibility. Good luck!

Don’t let it worry you, admin workers don’t have the authority to flex their way round this but your social worker will be able to work with you on it. Decisions about adoption aren’t made by administrators. Just ignore her.

thankyou, these answers have been reassuring :) she said she'd get back to me at the start of the week after speaking to a social worker about it, so we'll see what she comes back with

Have you already committed to going with this agency or authority? Because there are several. Ours never had weekly sessions for ten weeks.

no we haven't committed- in fact, I've still not heard back from them when I was under the impression she was going to call me back a day or 2 later. It's been 3 weeks now! So I'm not entirely impressed. I'll call them myself next week and see what sort of response I get 😏