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Original poster

Do you keep in contact with social worker?

17 replies

Aleanea · 08/10/2020 22:53

Hi, I was wondering if anyone has ever kept in contact with their assessing SW? We have had a positive experience and feel very reluctant to say goodbye as they have helped my family so much.
Anyone who had adopted before, do they just abruptly stop contact after the order is granted? Do any of you have any form of ongoing contact with your sw? I am thinking of ongoing advice and support around adoption related issues, and updating them on my child, nothing else. Obviously it is down to them, but is there any point when asking them if it would be possible?
Many thanks.

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Weekends · 09/10/2020 05:25

Hi, glad to hear its been so positive! Mine was too. Officially, yes it came to an abrupt end and I'm sure it could only ever be a professional relationship as long as they stayed in the role as you know. Post adoption support would be the official route of any ongoing support for you. However, I have seen our assessing SW loads of times over the years at adoption meet ups etc. That was just lucky! It has been beneficial for both me and my daughter to have that (she knew my SW much better than her own as there were several changes). Is that an option for you? I'm not surprised if feels strange at this point - they are such a key part of an amazing time in your life.

ifchocolatewerecelery · 09/10/2020 07:21

I emailed photos of us instead of Christmas cards the first couple of years to keep them updated but life got in the way as it does. We see them occasionally at agency run events.

Original poster
Aleanea · 09/10/2020 08:04

Thank you for your replies. It sounds like I will have to prepare to say goodbye then. We may see her at events, but I haven't heard about anything like that. Like you @Weekends my daughter knows her so much better than her own sw. We've had a lot of bumps along the way, shared a lot of tears in front of our sw, and so I feel it is going to be a wrench for both me and my daughter. It is only 3 weeks until we are due to get the order and SW hasn't prepared us at all for leaving our life.

Did anyone else struggle to say goodbye? Or am I just too attached?

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Weekends · 09/10/2020 18:08

I think I might have found it difficult, but I went back to work pretty much full time out of neccesity less than a month after the celebration hearing, so I was too busy to worry pretty quickly! She came to the celebration and is in the photos, which is lovely.

I still think about her during really good/difficult times. I could have done with her help today in fact! I don't think it 's strange at all to feel attached but your confidence will grow without her now - you're in charge very soon!

Papergirl1968 · 09/10/2020 19:20

Mine has since retired and moved a couple of hours away but we keep in touch with occasional emails.

Original poster
Aleanea · 09/10/2020 19:56

@Papergirl1968 did you stop email after the order, before she retired, if that makes sense? Our food you just pick up contact once she retired?

@Weekends thank you, your replies make me feel a little less crazy. She had helped so much and I wish I could continue with that help and support, but we you say, I guess my confidence will grow and I'll move on!

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Original poster
Aleanea · 09/10/2020 20:43

Sorry @Papergirl1968 that should say did you START email after the order, before she retired, or did you restart contact once she retired?
Autocorrect on phone making the message make no sense 🙄

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Papergirl1968 · 09/10/2020 21:35

I’m wracking my brains but I can’t remember exactly when she retired and whether or not it was before we got the order (which took two years from placement as dds were quite old and we had lots of problems).
I do remember she retired but didn’t move house right away so we kept in touch when she was still local, and continued after she moved.
I would like to have kept in touch with my post adoption support social worker, who also retired, but she didn’t offer and I didn’t like to ask, although we got on very well.

zigzagbetty · 09/10/2020 21:43

It is very strange to go from all that contact and sharing to nothing. We still see our SW at adoption events and we did a talk to prospective adopters through her but apart from that the link is cut when the order comes through and you move to after adoption support. We bought her a gift from us and when she has contacted we have replied including an update or a photo. SW are obviously very busy but it was weird to go from that intense relationship to nothing! Though it does help you settle into your new family life!

Weekends · 10/10/2020 09:32

You're definitely not crazy! Or no more than the rest of us anyway. Have a good weekend.

Rainallnight · 12/10/2020 23:03

We’re very fond of our social worker and keep in text contact with him, usually around the time of anniversaries, like the DC coming home.

He came back into our lives in a big way when DD’s BM had another child, whom we adopted, so he took us through our updated PAR process etc

heycorona2020 · 13/10/2020 12:38

I send photos of my son on email every few months to our social worker and also our sons. More so they can see him grow and that their hard work is all worth it.

They always both reply, say how lovely it is to see him growing up.

Original poster
Aleanea · 13/10/2020 15:11

@Weekends

You're definitely not crazy! Or no more than the rest of us anyway. Have a good weekend.
Thank you @Weekends! This whe process can make us all a little crazy Grin
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Original poster
Aleanea · 13/10/2020 15:13

@Rainallnight

We’re very fond of our social worker and keep in text contact with him, usually around the time of anniversaries, like the DC coming home.

He came back into our lives in a big way when DD’s BM had another child, whom we adopted, so he took us through our updated PAR process etc

This is lovely to hear. I want sure whether social workers just completely cut off contact. I can't imagine mine would, but I feel a bit embarrassed to ask if I can send her updates etc! Did you ask to keep in touch, or did you just do it? Thanks for taking the time to reply
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Original poster
Aleanea · 13/10/2020 15:14

@heycorona2020

I send photos of my son on email every few months to our social worker and also our sons. More so they can see him grow and that their hard work is all worth it. They always both reply, say how lovely it is to see him growing up.
That's really lovely that you do that. It's nice to know that is not unusual to keep some contact x
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heycorona2020 · 13/10/2020 15:42

I know my sons SW went through a stressful time after we adopted, and almost gave up her job, but she said that receiving the photos helps her remember why she does it. For me, even if it just keeps her in the job helping others, it makes it worth it. ☺

Original poster
Aleanea · 13/10/2020 15:58

@heycorona2020I hadn't really thought of it that way, that they might actually really enjoy and appreciate receiving some updates. That's so wonderful that you encouraged her that waySmile

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