newbie

[claireb7rg]

hi

my partner and I are now over a year into our TTC journey but have recently found out we are very very unlikely to conceive naturally and as I am 41, he is 40 we are very limited on the IVF front too. My partner has said he would prefer to consider adoption over self funding a potentially failing round of IVF.

So where do we start, there are a last few tests we need on the TTC front before it is off the agenda, but from what he was saying yesterday he is unusure if he wants to go any further on that front.

ive found a local adoption chairty so am going to contact them but what do we need to know in advance.

We own our house (mortgage), both in decently paid jobs (im wfh, he was furloughed but has been back full time since beginning July - works for local council), we have 2 cats

any advice welcome, thanks

oh and we would consider siblings - I would love more than 1 child and he is one of 3 so would like more too

If you type in your country followed by adoption in to any search engine it will come up with the contact numbers you need.

They will guide you through the whole process and give you all of the support you need.

If you decide to go ahead with it, you will love them just as much as your own and you will also be changing children's lives for the better, forever.

hello @claireb7rg

sorry to hear about your difficulties. Adoption agencies generally like to see a break of at least 6 months between your last fertility treatment and starting on the adoption process. This is to ensure that you have come to terms with not having birth children and can fully commit to the adoption process.
You can be assessed by either a local authority or a voluntary agency, Its a good idea to shop around and talk to several agencies and choose who you feel happy with.
Use your time to research and understand why children need new families and the impact their early lives can have. Most adopted children have some level of additional needs, some can be very challenging.
You need to understand the risks and uncertainties involved in adopting.
Its not an easy path to follow

@Ted27

hello *@claireb7rg*

sorry to hear about your difficulties. Adoption agencies generally like to see a break of at least 6 months between your last fertility treatment and starting on the adoption process. This is to ensure that you have come to terms with not having birth children and can fully commit to the adoption process.
You can be assessed by either a local authority or a voluntary agency, Its a good idea to shop around and talk to several agencies and choose who you feel happy with.
Use your time to research and understand why children need new families and the impact their early lives can have. Most adopted children have some level of additional needs, some can be very challenging.
You need to understand the risks and uncertainties involved in adopting.
Its not an easy path to follow

Thanks, we haven't started fertility treatment. We're waiting on a referral to the sub fertility clinic but we already know my partner has almost zero sperm

ah I misunderstood. I would still be prepared to be asked to wait six months before going ahead

If you have only undergone tests and are resolute in your choice not to have fertility treatment you may find some agencies/authorities do not hold fast to the '6 month' rule that is often mentioned online and on some agencies websites. We really got a sense, from every agency we spoke with, that it was our response to infertility and our journey through it that mattered to them more than a set time frame. If you have finished tests and feel you want to move forward there is no harm in ringing - when you feel ready.
Wishing you well x

oh and we would consider siblings - I would love more than 1 child and he is one of 3 so would like more too

Adopting siblings is a lovely thing - but it’s very very hard too. You go from zero to 2 children each with competing needs, different levels of trauma and different ways of processing their experiences- and they both need different things from you.

At this early stage I would be doing lots of reading about trauma and how it affects children, it’s honestly not all doom and gloom so please don’t be put off but do go into it with your eyes open - the more you understand about modern adoption, the easier the process will be.