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Original poster

An update - 1 year on

25 replies

poppet31 · 16/09/2020 20:53

So tomorrow my son will have been home for one year. I wanted to provide an update as we had a really rocky start and this forum provided me with so much support in those early days.

There were times when I genuinely thought we wouldn’t make it and the adoption might break down. I feel a bit ashamed even admitting that now but we really were at breaking point several times. I wasn’t sure I was the mummy he needed or that we were the right match. I can see now we are absolutely the parents he needs. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. There are days where I despair. Only in the last few months have I began to feel that it has all been worthwhile.

It transpires that our son has very serious attachment issues as well as developmental trauma. I don’t know what the future holds for us. I’m expecting it to maybe get worse before it gets better. But what I do know is that he is an amazing, resilient little boy who makes me smile every single day and I am so proud to be his Mummy. We have our first court hearing next month and can't wait to be an official family.

OP posts:
AthenaMinerva · 16/09/2020 21:10

So pleased to read this, OP. Glad things are working out.

Builderstea84 · 16/09/2020 21:33

💙💙💙💙

Weekends · 16/09/2020 22:13

This was the post I needed to read tonight - so good to hear!

user1479136681 · 16/09/2020 22:18

This is lovely to read, it has put a smile on my face. Congratulations on 1 year ♥️

ASandwichNamedKevin · 16/09/2020 22:46

Gosh I remember your posts, so pleased to read this update 💐

Ted27 · 16/09/2020 23:22

@poppet31

wow!!! I can't believe its been a whole year.

Congratulations and well done

Stinkyjellycat · 17/09/2020 00:18

Such a lovely update, I remember your posts well. Well done 💝

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/09/2020 04:52

Congratulations on your first year - what a lovely milestone. So glad you’re doing ok.

MrsMarvellous · 17/09/2020 07:34

I remember your posts; and am so thankful that you've posted this update. Lovely to hear that you have your court date

Sneakyfox · 17/09/2020 09:13

Congratulations! When you look back you realise how far you have travelled. Remembering some of the hard times also makes you realise that you are resilient and made of tough stuff too. If/when times get hard again, think about the milestones, the victories and the pride and everything you have already achieved - it will top up your reserves.

Notverygrownup · 17/09/2020 09:16

Oh I remember your posts from last year too. What a fabulous update. So pleased for you. Smile Smile

121Sarah121 · 17/09/2020 09:40

That’s wonderful news @poppet31 your love for your son shines through in your update. It’s been a challenging year in so many ways for you but you and your family are resilient and you are lucky to have found each other. Wishing you all the best for the court date.

user1497873278 · 17/09/2020 12:07

Wow so lovely to read your update, we all wanted you to hang in there, but it is so so hard when you are on the inside looking out. It will improve without you really noticing, you will look back on photos and see a different look in his eyes in that first year, trust me I have seen it in my foster children and my AD, it’s hard to put into words, but you can really see how misplaced they look in photos when you look back. It really made me sad as I hadn’t seen it at the time, but their body language dropped shoulders false smiles, if smiling made me realise that no matter how much we are trained to deal with their early trauma and neglect, we can’t begin to understand how they manage such a big change as having a new family. My little girl is everything to us, she is the product of her BP, her 5 moves before us, her early neglect, her amazing resilience, her beautiful personality, her family who adore her and any good or bad bits that may or may not crop up in the coming years, but whoever she is, she is our perfect gift. Warmest wishes

Patchyman1 · 17/09/2020 19:41

Lovely update. We take a photo of the 4 of us same day every year, on the anniversary of them moving in. The PP comment about the eyes is so true!

flapjackfairy · 17/09/2020 20:57

Wow has it really been a year ? I remember your story so clearly and I am over the moon to read this.
Well done to you all for hanging in there and coming out the other side as a family. No mean feat !

PoppyStellar · 18/09/2020 00:55

What a lovely update @poppet31 so glad things have worked out for you all

MutteringDarkly · 18/09/2020 21:57

Oh this is fantastic! What a testament to your grit and courage. I remember your early posts so well, and how deeply hard it was. I'm so happy to read about how your family is deepening in love and connection.

HPFA · 18/09/2020 22:05

So happy that you weathered the storm.

I think we were all rooting for you so much because we could feel even in your hardest times that the love was there and growing even if sometimes it didn't feel like it to you!

Bearfamily1010 · 19/09/2020 09:14

Thank you for this update poppet - really needed to read something just like this today.

I’m so pleased that things have improved.

Original poster
poppet31 · 19/09/2020 10:21

Thanks everyone. We still have a lot of challenging and aggressive behaviour at times, but no where as near as bad as in the early days and we're much more equipped to deal with it now. Little one has really struggled going back to nursery after lockdown and this has caused a lot of regression but I'm hoping this is temporary.

When I look at the progress he has made, he is unrecognisable really. He could only say about 20 words when he moved in and has now been discharged from speech and language therapy and is chatting away. His mobility was really delayed and he was still so unsteady on his feet. He can now run and jump and will happily walk for a mile. He is very sociable and everyone at nursery wants to be his friend. It breaks my heart to think of what a shell of a child he was back then. I am so angry at all the people who failed him. But as I sit here watching him sing along to wheels on the bus, I couldn't be prouder.

Sometimes I feel sad when I compare us to other families as I know we are always going to have challenges and I wish life was easier, but I try and just focus on today as much as I can.

OP posts:
elnesarlevel2 · 19/09/2020 11:50

So pleased. How did you get the diagnosis for attachment problems and development trauma and what therapy did your LO get?

CarelessSquid07A · 19/09/2020 12:10

I'm so glad for you all.

I started following your posts just as we were thinking of adoption and really felt for you and also can't believe it's been a year!

It's so lovely to hear that your little one is settling in and making so much progress with you.

veejayteekay · 23/09/2020 15:11

Oh im so happy for you poppet. I remember reading your posts and just feeling so sad for you that you were feeling that way - sounds like you've been doing an amazing job x

topcat2014 · 26/09/2020 22:16

I am so thrilled for you xx

percypetulant · 28/09/2020 13:00

Well done, one year down! Don't compare with others, you're right to only compare with how far you've come. I can't believe it's been a year for you already!

I found things improved a lot post adoption order, I know some find a regression, but we found it was like a weight gone. Contratulations.

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