Adopting siblings via Foster4Adopt?

[melon301]

Hi everyone... Just wondering if anyone has had any experience (even if still in the process) of adopting siblings through Foster4Adoption? DH and I are keen to adopt siblings and ideally quite young, hence F4A seems like an option! And yes, we know it'll be chaotic at first going from zero to two kids but we know people with twins and have a good support network :)

I’d try to speak to both parents who’ve adopted via normal adoption process if you can and those who’ve done f4a and compare.

With adoption, your child is already under a care order and most likely has been agreed as best long term plan for them before you are matched etc. Therefore if bps contest they are unlikely to win at that stage.

With f4a the child is placed before that court process has happened therefore it can be more uncertain and lengthy. I know two who’ve done it, both were fine in the end but both took nearly 2 years from start to adoption order, with lots of emotional ups and downs due to birth families contesting and indecision about whether the children could be placed back with them or not

Also consider that as a foster parent before adoptive parent, there are different rules. Eg in some LAs you can’t do things like sit on the child’s bed to read a story etc for safe guarding reasons and this could affect your ins with the child, as you’ll see yourself as their parent but you’ll be treated and act as a foster parent

Tha

That said, children can be placed much younger than if we’re adopted. One coupe I know had their daughter from 2 weeks old so were able to experience the lovely new born stage

Like everything it has pros and cons, I’d just try to get as much real feedback as you can before you go ahead

And yes, we know it'll be chaotic at first going from zero to two kids but we know people with twins and have a good support network smile

Honestly, it’s nothing like having twins from birth. Adopting siblings is a whole different ball game. They will each have their own, usually competing, needs and will experience and process trauma differently from each other due to age, stage, time with birth parent etc. They may also be used to competing with each other for food, care, affection etc or one taking a protective role for the other (even from a very early age) which can really make parenting difficult.

I think folk often feel the earlier they’re with you the better, and there’s definitely some mileage in that children may be less exposed to trauma in the birth family, attachments may be potentially more secure etc. There is however a huge amount of uncertainty about their development and the degree to which this has been affected by their early and/or in utero experiences. It takes a huge amount of resilience to adopt siblings.

As a pp said, there’s also huge uncertainty about their legal status and practicalities of your relationship with them until permanence is agreed as part of their plan. For example, you would be expected to facilitate contact with the birth family on a regular basis, the children wouldn’t take your name, you would be referred to as their carers in formal meetings etc. Meanwhile you’re doing all the work of settling these children with you, in the full knowledge that they might not stay.

There are good things about foster to adopt, but in many ways it’s more uncertain that straight adoption.

Thank you for the feedback and advice everyone! It's been very insightful xx