Poo smearing

[Clarabella1431]

Hi guys

I adopted two boys 7 years ago.

My eldest was 3 when he joined our family, he is 10 now.

Two years ago we found poo smeared behind the tv in the living room. He admitted it was him and was very upset and sorry. We had lots of conversations with him about it and things have been fine since.

But yesterday, we found poo smeared behind my bedside table and when searching further we found poo smeared behind his bed.

He is upset and said it was an accident which it obviously isn't.

We are at a loss of what to do. Why is this happening?

Any advice?

I have heard from a number of SWs and parent-trainers lately (in support workshops) that the lockdown has re-traumatised so many fostered and adopted children, and sent them back into a place of trauma in their subconscious. It's meant that the very old survival strategies are coming out again, the non-verbal ways of expressing fear / trying to control the environment even down to creating a smell that for whatever reason feels familiar. If a child wasn't always physically cared for in early life, poo might well be a sadly familiar smell and feeling of "safety" through familiarity

Do you have a decent post-adoption support team? I'd start there for advice specific to your child's situation. Otherwise how about PACT who have set up advice hubs to help through the pandemic?

Hang in there. We went through a similar stage at 3 years old - every night for 8 weeks and then it stopped. And then at 8 years old when school was proving tricky (in his bedroom). He couldn’t explain it. We talked a little about it but didn’t make too much of an issue. It stopped the second time after about 6 weeks and hasn’t reoccurred.

It is so horrible to deal with but so sad. Our poor children do regress when they get stressed.

I've no personal experience of this ( yet... Lol) but I've read that "poo play" with chocolate powder and water can take the shame out of it (reducing lying) and provide the sensory experience. Might be worth a try? But as I say no experience myself as our LO is still in nappies.

My ds is currently going through a similar stage - although at the age of 14. We seem to find smelly smeared brown stains around the house but, it's generally around the bathroom which he uses. This also happens at the same time every month but he has ibs. :// I don't know what he's doing
with this poo. We've poked him a couple times to try and knock some sense into his head but it doesn't seem to change. He should really leave his dirt in the commode. I'm sure it's just something which they'll grow out of.

This is basically to do with communicating something which the child cannot talk about, quite possibly to do something which they cannot identify or express as the problem.

As well as get professional input, you need to be detective to get to the root of the problem. It might just stop on its own at some point but unless you are well enough connected with him with a good enough understanding of his thoughts and feelings to understand what it is exactly which is bothering him and to help him identify it, find words to express it, process it, then the problem remains. Even if this particular behaviour stops, the problem remains and there will be other upsetting behaviour which expresses upset.

@Hels20 There are no "our children" - adoptees are all as unique as any other child, with different histories, different characters, different personalities, different set of circumstances to deal with. By lumping adoptees into "our children" you are in danger of making your child feel "othered", diminished, not capable, and you are in danger of assuming things which are not the case, missing opportunities for connection and not providing effective help.

I would really recommend the A-Z of therapeutic parenting by Sarah Naish. There is lots of great ideas of how to support a child with smearing (as well as other different types of behaviours)

Sorry I meant to say at beginning of my first paragraph "In relation to this situation I think that..." as it would be different if the child were a toddler, had other SNs etc.

I hope that things are going ok OP.

blindingpeaky- what does the A-Z say about it?