Is this normal for social workers?

[newpotato111]

I do fully understand that social workers are often overworked so wanted to check to see if our experience is normal before escalating anything, and risk seeming precious/difficult.

Our social worker has always been a bit iffy, after my first call with him I was uneasy but after our first video call my concerns diminished a bit (to the point where I was a bit perplexed but not concerned enough to ask for a new SW - which I was prepared to do if the video call had gone as badly as the initial telephone call had)

These are my biggest concerns -

In our last couple of meetings he constantly forgets my husbands name and not just confusing it with a similar sounding name it's very different (as in for example DH name is John and SW keeps calling him Nigel despite being corrected every damn time)

We are in stage one and completed our homework and all references within one week of starting, but in our week 4 meeting he said he hadn't seen anything come through (when it had been confirmed by their administrator in 2 separate emails to him prior all references had been complete)

He said he was still waiting for a reference from our daughters school - we have no children and therefore he was clearly mixing us up with another couple

Our week 4 meeting was a total shambles. He was over 35 minutes late with no attempt to even contact us to say he was running behind. And he spent the whole time just talking to himself about what was complete and what wasn't.

He hadn't even looked at any of our homework which had been completed and sent over 3 weeks prior and he confirmed receipt at the time - but forgot about that of course

I'm just worried this kind of behaviour/attitude will cause issues down the line, but if it's common I won't cause too much of a stink (I have already told him that the week 4 meeting wasn't ideal and want clarification and an agenda for our week 7 meeting to avoid the same happening again)

Honestly, ask for another social worker.
You have to trust these people with quite literally your life. I changed mine half way through stage 2 and the difference was phenomenal. Wish I'd done it loads sooner.

@newpotato111

I've had my share of flaky SWs but that just sounds incompetent.

I think I'd have a word with the manager

Good luck

@Finchbon

Honestly, ask for another social worker. You have to trust these people with quite literally your life. I changed mine half way through stage 2 and the difference was phenomenal. Wish I'd done it loads sooner.

Would a change in SW mean we have to start again? And delay the process

This may be in some part due to added stress and work from the pandemic but it ISN'T normal. I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask for a different SW and I don't think you'd have to start again. Remember that stage 2 is going to involve much longer and more intense conversations and you're going to have to trust this person to write a profile about you which other SWs are literally going to use to decide if you're the best match for their child, potentially even amongst dozens of other applicants. I'm sure a lot of the reason that we were matched so quickly was because our SW did such a good job with our report

@Jannt86

This may be in some part due to added stress and work from the pandemic but it ISN'T normal. I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask for a different SW and I don't think you'd have to start again. Remember that stage 2 is going to involve much longer and more intense conversations and you're going to have to trust this person to write a profile about you which other SWs are literally going to use to decide if you're the best match for their child, potentially even amongst dozens of other applicants. I'm sure a lot of the reason that we were matched so quickly was because our SW did such a good job with our report

Thank you for this, have emailed this morning requesting a new SW - hopefully this gets actioned

Well done for challenging - it’s v difficult to challenge things like this - but potentially even if they don’t change social worker they might put some steps in place for him to improve - which might even have the desired effect!

Yeah, that’s not ok - the name thing can happen (I spend 3 days calling “Linda” “Evelyn” because she had exactly the same mannerisms as someone I knew by that name (I’m not saying it’s ok, but it does happen). All the other stuff though sounds like he’s on the edge of burnout.

Changing social workers shouldn’t set you back, unless his records so far are really poor and the new SW needs to go over the same ground again.

Good luck with your new person.

Thank you everyone for the responses

Have spoken to our SW's manager who has said since we are so close to ending stage one it's not ideal to change now, but has spoken to him about his actions and ways to improve

I have agreed to give the next meeting a chance and then if we get to stage 2 we can decide whether to push for a new SW (although she did say doing so might push us back if they don't have any others who can take us to stage 2 straight away)

I would be more worried that this person will be doing your PAR for approval panel, and if he can't get the basics right now then what mistakes will he make in your PAR! This could then mean you don't get approved, or it gets delayed. I wouldn't want that risk.

Stage 1 is mostly information gathering. The stage 2 social worker is the really important one as they write the PAR.

Wow. Yes SWs have ridiculous caseloads and are often pushed fo the brink. But that sounds like chaos which is the very last thing you need when going through a process that has such a massive impact on your life and that of the adopted child(ren).
Sorry but a little talking to by his manager is unlikely to solve the problem. I would finish stage one and push for a new SW. You need to feel reassured that he is professional, organised and that he has your back. And doesn't forget important things like paperwork, dates....and your bloody names!

If you are close to the end of S1 it’s probably worth sticking it out; but I would definitely ask to change for S2, even if it means a small delay.

I Realise they are often stretched and under resources but think it comes down to the individual SW. We had some tremendous SW and some useless ones that kept losing things and not turning up. It did make me wonder at times if it was deliberate and part of the process to test our commitment. (It wasn’t)
It’s so frustrating as it’s life changing stuff for us - but I suppose it’s the day job for many of the SW.

It is the day job, and in all honesty sometimes the only part of the day job they can let slip in that it’s not urgent, no one’s life is in danger and they don’t have an immovable deadline to meet. Utterly frustrating but having been on both sides of the equation, I understand why adoption processes can drift.

In saying that, this person seems to be working way beyond their capacity and I’d want a change too.

Omg I would ask for somebody more competent than him. Our papers were lost twice, the while system for us we were told would take on average 18 months - 6 years we waited! All because I happen to have a physical disability. Absolutely no part of my life gives indication that I cannot be a parent, or even give birth! We wanted to adopt for our own personal reasons. Our sw was in fact very supportive and wonderful if we needed any help from other sources she would chase it all up for us. .. you need your social workers full support and attention. Good luck x

100% not acceptable and I’d absolutely push for a new SW for stage 2 and take the delay. In response to a pp, yes social workers are massively overworked (I trained as one and although don’t work in it currently have multiple friends who do) the SW who assess adoptive parents are NEVER dealing with life or death situations - it is their whole job to assess prospective adopters, they have no caseload of children who they’re responsible for. I once heard fostering (ie supervising social workers for foster carers, not the social workers for children in care) and adoption are where ‘social workers go to die’. There’s a massive perception it’s easier and less intense BECAUSE you’re never responsible for the welfare of a child, you’re responsible for the adults caring for them. It’s of course massively important work and should be treated as such but the perception I’ve seen among social workers would absolutely encourage poor workers / those close to burnout to go there for an ‘easy ride’. You don’t have to put up with it and the manager is def just taking the easy way out to try and appease you and keep everything ticking over. I’d keep a log of communication and mistakes to back up your request for a change and use it as the basis for a formal complaint if needed. Your SW will be logging everything about you!

I’m a practicing social worker and can only speak of the area I work in - it’s not unusual here for adoption SW to carry a duty case load, also during Covid many adoption SW have been redeployed to more immediate work due to staff shortages. The work allocation across teams will vary depending on local authority.

And the “where social workers go to die” comment is massively disrespectful.