Social media

[journeytobeingadad]

I know there is a lot said about it and adoption. We are not big users of Facebook at the moment but do post pictures now and then. We are going through the adoption process at the moment and I wonder what those that have adopted have done? Do you and children stay off Facebook totally ?

Ours were adopted before it was a thing but no, we're all on social media. I have a different name for work but the kids keep in touch with birth sisters on there.

If there are risks with birth family I'd probably go for a different name if I wanted to keep up with it.

I haven't come off Facebook but I've definitely changed the way I use it. Facebook for me is now how I find out about what's going on in my town and how I stayed in touch with toddler groups and such when ds was smaller. It's also been handy for buying and selling clothes and toys. DS's social media footprint is almost zero, and his face is not on there at all. I am more and more inclined to think that Facebook is not the right place for sharing photos of children whether adopted or not so I may well have been the same had he been a birth child but I'm that bit more protective over images of him with him being adopted.

A former colleague of mine has gone completely the other way and regularly posts pictures of her adopted DC, including in her profile photo.

Hi,

I think it all depends on the situation for your child. I stay off it completely as that's best for us at the moment. I don't need another stress.

But, as my daughter grows up I will keep considering what is best - things will change so much when she is a teenager both in terms of her needs, wants, safety and whatever social media looks like then. I'm happy to focus on what's right for her then and change direction with her (she will I'm sure do things I don't know about and develop like all teenagers!), but I am happy to share our lives in a different way with friends and family for now as it's only me it inconveniences.

Disclaimer though - I have never been a fb person. I have a random name account for businesses that only have a fb account etc.

Good luck!

I deleted my Facebook account completely as birth mum was known to set up fake profiles so I didn't want to fake any chances.

I do have an Instagram account but never show my child's face.

I suppose it will depend on each individual case. The risk was low for us but even if my son wasn't adopted, I don't think I'd want pictures of him on social media. He can't consent at his age and that doesn't sit right with me.

There is a great book called bubble wrapped children which explores the issues surrounding social media and adoption.

My friends have just adopted. They announced it via FB and have become very proud parents with lots of posts about what their son has said and done, and also asking advice a lot. But they haven’t shared any photos of him at all or put his name online.

I’m still on Facebook. My profile is locked down as much as possible, I have dropped my last name (just first and middle name now - very popular). I have posted a couple of pics of the kids - but they are pictures from behind. I never use their names on Facebook (but they have quite unusual names). I mainly use it for what’s going on in the local area now. I have also removed any identifying pics of me and my husband from the profile pics (as I think these can be seen by non friends). I have also anonymised twitter as I like to follow adoption related posts; as I’m not working I have deleted my linked in (amazing how much personal info is on there!). I don’t think BF pose any risk to us, but I don’t think it hurts to start from a place of caution and BM does know what we look like. Doing the above hasn’t spoiled my enjoyment of these platforms, my friends and family still know who I am - and I still post boring pics of the onions I’ve grown! Maybe in time I will become a little less cautious.

It depends hugely on the individual situation, mine is in an in family adoption but I am completely NC from my family, so while they know I’m the parent we have no contact.

I only have instagram, I do post things about my son, but never any great detail, I don’t show his face and I avoid pictures that reveal our location when we’re in the UK. I don’t personally think kids should be splashed on social media so I want to maintain his privacy so he can make an active choice when he is older.

I’m pretty relaxed about it - birth family are no risk to my kids and my social media is very locked down, I suppose if you were determined you’d be able to find me but info about my kids is behind privacy settings etc.

I know everyone on my friends list, anyone I don’t see or hear from gets deleted after a period of time, both kids like seeing relatives on Facebook and like to see the odd picture of themselves amongst the family pics. It really is different strokes for different folks. My kids will need to navigate social media as they grow, so watching how I manage mine and having open conversations about how we keep safe is important for us.

I use Facebook, with about 30 friends, all of whom are in-person friends. Birth family are no risk and DD is in touch with a range of people from her previous life. So I do post the sort of photos and updates I would share with friends off screen.

Each to their own - adoption may add in an extra element of protection privacy, but it doesn't always do that. Apart from that it comes down to your own views about parents posting about their children on SM.

Some friends who've adopted have shared photos of their child from every angle others like me don't post often and use a nickname when we do.

Many people on here say they've locked down their privacy settings, however I did an experiment on this after someone posted they'd done this in a similar discussion around maintaining their child's privacy on a newspaper article. Turns out it's very easy to trace someone through their posts on local public sites such as 'Nottingham selling page' and other community pages.

I mention my daughter on my main newsfeed from time to time but just amusing stories/things I'm proud of her for, never her name or a hint of a picture and my profile is as private as it can be and my profile isn't under my real name. I then have a private group which literally has my nearest and dearest in it and I do post photos etc on there. I think it's just about considering what could actually ascertained about you and your children if the wrong people were to come across it. Eg; I don't really care if birth family see that my LG counted to 10 today, I'm more worried if they see an UTD picture of her and would totally avoid that but the most risky thing I can think of is if they manage to work out our address or where she goes to school when she's old enough or which clubs. For this reason I avoid liking pages for these things as this will show on my profile and it doesnt take a genius to work out that I like it because my child goes there. I would also take as much care as possible with your letterbox contact when that gets going and use an alias as I have heard a few stories of people's details being released through this and then if BPs know your full name it can be easy to find you on FB. It doesnt need to govern your life you just need to be careful and know that however careful you are slipups can happen in today's modern world and you'll find solutions if breaches do happen. Good luck with your journey xx

My choice which is a mixture of my own views and the fact there are some security concerns regarding birth parents that were made clear to us in our process, is to not post anything identifiable online. We don't share any info photos or anything else direct about him and from my profile you would know I had one child but the most you would ever see of him is a glimpse of a hand in some pictures and I don't post anything about him directly. My personal views are that children often have autonomy over their image overridden in the age of social media and I think that's unfair, birth children or otherwise. Having said that I don't judge others who do choose to post and understand it's personal preference. Many adopters I know go down the route of stickers over faces or only from the back shots. For me I guess Ive never quite understood the posting pics thing. Everyone I know intimately would either be seeing my child in person or on my WhatsApp and therefore anyone else who is in FB etc is really just an acquaintance and I'd have to examine my reasons as to why it mattered to me that they see my child. Each to their own tho and I think it is all down to personal preference and the combination of that with your child's circumstances.xx

When we had our celebration hearing we had some nice pictures taken and posted those on FB but with our child's face covered with an emoji - just to announce the adoption

After that we have posted very minimally, maybe the odd picture of the kids walking (from the back) on holiday and stuff but that's rare.