Hi Pixie
We have just adopted three siblings who moved in about five months ago, similar ages to the children you are considering. It’s obviously very early days still but at this point it feels like it’s been the right thing for us as a family, with these specific children.
We were in a slightly different situation as we were open to sibling groups of two or three from the start - we always said that we wanted to look at the overall package of needs/challenges of each sibling group whether they were a two or a three. In reality we considered far more twos than threes - many of the groups of three we looked at had more significant needs than we thought we could meet. We found it quite surprising the level of needs/known risk factors that many trios had where LAs were still seeking a placement for them all together. There were definitely issues/risks/challenges that we were willing to consider for a sibling group of two that we weren’t for a sibling group of three given that having an extra child creates more unknowns/uncertainties as well as splitting your time and attention.
There were lots of positive factors in our LOs’ profiles and background which gave us the confidence to say yes to them - I won’t share any specifics. We also had really good quality input, responses to queries etc from their LA and the matching process was really positive in terms of information sharing. In terms of all three arriving at once, I think we just accepted that life would be completely different from our previous life from day 1 and the adjustment hasn’t been as bad as I feared. We definitely prepared for the worst case scenario so maybe that’s what’s made it feel ok! I think we have benefited significantly from the routines, boundaries and parenting approach of their previous foster carer, which is similar to what we would want for family life, which made the transition to us a lot easier.
Life is busy and full but at this point our family life doesn’t feel particularly different from friends we know with three children, with all of the competing for attention and adults being outnumbered and sibling issues. We’re aware that this could change significantly as our children settle further and grow up and that the ‘unknown unknowns’ are the biggest risk factor. As and when issues emerge then having three children makes it harder to meet individual needs as well as we would with one or two children. This is why we wanted to make sure that some of the ‘known’ risk factors were lower before we took a group of three children - but there is still huge uncertainty as with any adoption.
Financially, in addition to the general cost increase of having another child (which will only increase over time!) we had to buy a much larger car as they are all at the age where they need bulkier car seats rather than just booster seats. Our three are not really ‘hard to place’ except for the fact that they are a group of three - but we were offered financial support from the placing LA, both settling in grant, funding to cover one-off costs and the possibility of adoption allowance. They were also open to paying for a cleaner for a few months to make things a bit easier post-placement (I know this probably makes them vanishingly rare!) although this was promptly kiboshed by Covid. It’s worth asking about this up front as you might be surprised.
I have a full year off work and my OH had about 12 weeks off after placement, made up of annual leave and shared parental leave. This was really crucial - and OH has been on much more flexible hours since he went back due to Covid which has also been helpful in settling in. I will probably take an additional 8 months or so career break after that and at this point going back to work part-time feels feasible but of course it’s still very early days so things could change. We had built up enough savings by the point of placement for me to be able to take another two years off work if necessary and then rethink work options for both of us.
We decided that these were the right children for us, weighing up everything we knew about them and the various risks and uncertainties, including the innate complexity of a third child in the mix. It wouldn’t be the right decision for everybody - we love our new little family and at this point it is working well, the LOs are natural playmates and have a shared history but we’re aware that the road ahead could be far rockier.
Please do PM me if that would be helpful.