Adopting at age 45

[Pegs11]

Hi, does anyone know what is the minimum age for an adopted child is when the adoptive parents are 45...?

Officially there isn’t an upper age limit, whatever your age agencies will assess everyone the same. During the adoption assessment your health and ability to look after a child until they are adults will be assessed. However, we have discovered when looking for potential matches that some agencies have a limit of 50 years old for toddlers and younger.

There is no minimum as such. The SW will discuss different age groups with you and you'll settle on an age range between you but even that isn't set in stone. 45 is not particularly old in adoption terms but it is always about finding the best parent(s) for the child rather than the other way around. I was once turned down for a match for my 'energy level' rather than my age so a lot depends on the child in question and the perception of the family finder and you may well be compared against other adopters in the system. I ended up adopting a 12 month old when I was 40. Children are rarely placed much under 12 months, unless under foster to adopt, due to time taken for the adoption order to be in place and subsequent matching.

Just to add to my above post we were 45 yo when we started the adoption process and have just been approved.

Hi @Bouncydoog, thank you for your reply. I was actually referring to the child’s age, whether they would place a 2 year old, for example, with 45 year old parents. My partner and I are 40 at the moment and want to adopt but need to get ourselves j to a better position to do so. Which I think will take up to five years from now.

@sunshineandskyscrapers thank you for your reply, can I ask what they meant by your “energy level”?

Thanks

@pegs11 unfortunately that was the extent of the feedback so I can't be sure. As far as I can see it could be that they either wanted someone with very high activity levels for that child (I actually don't think that was the case as they never mentioned he was a particularly active child), or that they wanted me to talk more passionately about why I was right for that child, or they wanted someone younger but couldn't say it. They did tell me when they arrived at my house that they had already met a couple that they were more than happy with but had a duty to consider more than one family so I understandably started the meeting feeling defeated and although I tried to give a good account of myself this probably came across.

@sunshineandskyscrapers that sounds like it must have been really stressful and disheartening for you, I’m sorry you had to go through that, but glad of course that you made it in the end. I think I need to develop a slightly thicker skin before beginning this process... which is another reason I’m not doing it right away 😏

I went through matching at a particularly competitive time, in that there were far, far more adopters waiting than children due to only small numbers of children being placed for adoption. Nobody predicted the drop and so large numbers of adopters were still being approved. So I'd got used to that kind of experience. Even children who would usually be considered hard to place were placed very quickly at that time. I still believe that it's better to have adults waiting than children even if the situation at that time wasn't entirely by design.

It was very wearing, but I have my son now and he is absolutely the right match and I can't imagine life without him so it all came good in the end.

That was the situation a few years ago. Competitive matching still exists in some cases now although I think that period was an extreme, so don't let my experience put you off. However what I said about choosing the right family for the child still holds true and a thick skin will certainly help you through it all.

We are 55 and 56 and have a 6 yr old adopted son. So at 40 or 45 you should be fine ,

Hi, We did FTA and were placed with a newborn at age 49 :) so you should be ok.

Oh wow that’s so good to hear that some of you have been so successful :)

I have to focus on my health and my finances before I can feasibly adopt, but I hope it will happen one day...

We adopted a 4 and 6 year old, I was 45 and my DH was 49. The general rule in my local authority is that the child could have been yours “naturally”, so there was a maximum age gap of 42 years - we wanted older children anyway so it made no difference to us but we wouldn’t have been matched with a toddler.

Don't faint I was 65 and DH was 62 when we adopted DD who was 3!! She did have complex needs and I think SS were desperate!

DH and I were about 48 when we adopted a 3 year old.

Wow I’m pleasantly surprised to hear all your stories, thank you, it’s made me feel a lot less pressured for time 😊

I’m young in adoption terms (I was 29 and he was 18 months), apart from one couple at the adoption group I used to attend everyone else was mid forties and over. I have friends who had their son placed with them in February, at 24 and 25 they were told they are the youngest couple their LA have approved to date.

Our LA has the same rule as a previous poster with the 42 year gap, but it is sometimes ignored if an approved person or couple is otherwise a good match for a child. There was a couple at my group who were 52 and 53 who were matched with a three year old.

While you’re preparing if you’re not already try and improve your knowledge on therapeutic parenting, possibly try and volunteer in a relevant area.

Sorry to jump on your thread OP. I would be interested to know which of the LA have the criteria for a 42 year gap? Maybe you could DM me if you don’t want to say in the open forum? It would be good to know as we are considering matches with our regional adoption agency at the moment. I was only aware of some having criteria of up to 50 Years old for toddlers and babies, It’s great to hear that there are a range of ages of adopters as we were the oldest on our prep group.

As I have said before SWs break the 'rules' when it suits them. We were in our late 30s when number 1 arrived and I was 65 when number 8 arrived. However all 8 had special needs we feel very honoured.

I have just adopted for the second time aged 44. We celebrated DD's first birthday today.

Our LA used to say no more than 45 years between the patent and child’s age. Saying that I know am adopter in our LA who had a 1 year old placed when she was 48.
I think there are a lot more under 1 year olds placed now than there used to be. I’m not just talking about foster to adopt. LA are trying to get cases through in 6 months so lots of 8/9/10 month olds in our LA.

Sorry to jump on your thread OP. I would be interested to know which of the LA have the criteria for a 42 year gap?

That was the criteria when we applied to adopt in Glasgow and seemed to apply across neighbouring authority areas. That was a while ago now so it may well have changed. And yes, it’s no unheard of for matching panels to bend the rules a bit from time to time.

I was (just) 40 with 11 month old and will be 41 when hopefully adopt their sibling at 6 months old. I was told no age limits for adopters. I am knackered (but wouldn’t change a thing 😊)

Most people on our pre-adoption course were in their 40s.
I'm over 40 yrs older than my DD.
Good luck, OP

Thank you so much x