Helping adopted children find their birth family

[FlorenceandPaul]

I have name changed for this.

I have 2 adopted children, via fostering. I don’t have much faith in Social Services after working with them over many years, and seeing, first hand, their failings.

My soon to be 18 year old adopted dc is curious about her birth siblings - all adopted. She knows one side of her birth family as we have always maintained contact with them. DD knows nothing about the other side of her birth family. We are happy to help her search for them when she reaches 18. However, we are very aware that not every story has a happing ending.

Have any adopters here been through this and could point us in the right direction please?

Thank you 😊

I would contact the social worker about known birth siblings and see if you can leave somewhere that you are open to contact or leave a letter. As for unknown family, could try DNA testing (ancestry has a big database) and you can use a fake name to protect identity. It may not provide all answers but may put you in the right direction.

Thank you for your reply Lizadork 😊

We have tried searching on Ancestry but have hit a brick wall.

Social Services have managed to screw up my DD’s life to date. I was hoping we could do this without their input. It seems we can’t - unless DD finds her relatives on social media. I really don’t want her to jump in with both feet too soon. I have absolutely no objection to her searching for her birth family and am willing to help. I am aware how much her self worth and mental health has suffered from constant rejection throughout her young life. She seems to be coming out the other end now but we need to get this right.

I am going to call BAAF tomorrow for some info on any support they may be able to provide my DD before and during the search process, and after if required.

Your suggestion of LA holding a letter in her adoption file is helpful. Thank you 💐

I'd start with the obvious, she is entitled to ask for her files when she is 18, that might be the best place to start. Its possible that the birth family she does know may have information about the other side

good luck

Hi Ted27 👋

Are DD’s SS records likely to contain info about siblings? They were not living with birth mother when DD was born.

Her paternal family have no info about DD’s maternal family. DD is the only child relating to them. They live in a different country.

@FlorenceandPaul

its surprising what turns up in files. I know quite a bit about my son's birth mums siblings

Its worth a shot

Thank you Ted. That sounds like DD’s starting point then. Fingers crossed 🤞