Applying to adopt as a single parent with no parents

[patas]

Hi all,

I have been considering applying to adopt.
I have had a few long term relationships (I'm late thirties) but never met anyone I wanted to settled down with and start a family.
I'm not interested in sperm donation etc.
I would like to apply to adopt, but as a single person. However my parents are no longer alive, I do have 2 sisters, but they live a fair distance from me (I don't want to move for lots of reasons and sisters don't live near each other either).

Do you think my application would be considered? I think I tick the other boxes, but it is sad to think that a child that has had a troubled start would be placed with me and not have any of my other family around - and definitely no grandparents. I can't take a sibling group, but I would be happy to facilitate an adoptee having a relationship with any siblings/half-siblings if that was considered a good idea.

[Ted27]

Hi, I'm a single adopter, there's lots of us about.

I'm sorry your parents aren't around any more. Lots of children don't have grandparents, the children next door to me don't have grandparents.
My parents are too far away to be of practical support, I have one brother in Australia and the other one I dont see much of. We have the family we have created, ourselves and our friends, including many other single adopters.
Its not family but support that is needed. I know ny son will never be on his own, because I have a small group of commited friends.
Lack of grandparents won't hinder you. You need a support network, stable finances, a flexible job, be able to take a year off, secure housing.
Go for it - good luck

[SimonJT]

I’m a single adopter, but he is also a family member so that is a bit different as the standards I had to meet are slightly lower and they’re applied after placement. I did have to meet very similar standards for the AO to be granted.

I’m NC with my family so that puts me in a similar situation as you. I do however have a close friendship group and a friends mum is the closest thing I have to a mum and when she found out about my son she straight away assumed the role of grandma, my friend/her son is my sons uncle. She was also horrified I was trusted to look after a toddler 😂

Support doesn’t have to come from people you share DNA with.

Work/money is something to consider. I had to prove I could financially support my son after adoption leave ended if I was only able to return to work part time. I also had to have proof that my employer were willing to allow me to go part time. Some adopted children wouldn’t cope with fulltime nursery/after school club so a flexible employer can be vital.

[patas]

Thanks for the replies.
I am trying to get a different job which will mean more money/flexibility.
Other than that I think the rest is sorted, I have a secure home and safe lifestyle.
I have local friends and support network (which is why I don't want to move nearer my sisters, even though I am tempted for the free-baby sitting!)
I do have nephews and nieces who are a bit older, so I do have some family.
I miss my mum, she would have been great to have around, and would have been a great support. I grow up without my Dad around, and he wouldn't have been interested in me/me adopting.

[patas]

Thanks for the replies.
I am trying to get a different job which will mean more money/flexibility.
Other than that I think the rest is sorted, I have a secure home and safe lifestyle.
I have local friends and support network (which is why I don't want to move nearer my sisters, even though I am tempted for the free-baby sitting!)
I do have nephews and nieces who are a bit older, so I do have some family.
I miss my mum, she would have been great to have around, and would have been a great support. I grow up without my Dad around, and he wouldn't have been interested in me/me adopting.

[patas]

Most children I know have a relationship with at least 3 grandparents, but mostly 4.
It's sad that if I adopted a child they wouldn't have any.
I know not all grandparents are nice/present, but it's anything they don't have that their peers will probably have.

[patas]

I don't have any Aunties or Uncles either!

[Weekends]

Hi Patas,

I couldn't agree more about making your own family - you can do that and make it special. My daughter hasn't got forever family siblings, first cousins or a Dad. She has got a super strong network around her though and I don't think she sees it like I do (have worried about) as an adult.

We were once talking about how her Auntie hasn't got children and she said 'yes she has - me!' She also absolutely loves one of my child free friends - she loves the attention.

Good luck!

[Ted27]

@patas

If I look at my friends, several don't have grandparents for their children, several more only have 1. I didnt grow up with four living grandparents, my neices and nephews have one on each side.
I wouldnt get hung up on it, families come in very different shapes and sizes these days. Its no more sad than being in a single parent family.
Family is who and what you make it

[patas]

I know it is what it is, and I've grown up in my family and did ok (my grandparents weren't there or weren't nice) and I guess you are all saying that Social Workers aren't too bothered about it either and it won't matter in my application, as long as I have a good support network for myself?

[patas]

I know it is what it is, and I've grown up in my family and did ok (my grandparents weren't there or weren't nice) and I guess you are all saying that Social Workers aren't too bothered about it either and it won't matter in my application, as long as I have a good support network for myself?

[patas]

I know it is what it is, and I've grown up in my family and did ok (my grandparents weren't there or weren't nice) and I guess you are all saying that Social Workers aren't too bothered about it either and it won't matter in my application, as long as I have a good support network for myself?

[Weekends]

Agreed! As long as you are reflective and proactive you can make it work.

Most people find their network grows and changes too once they adopt. I've got friends I really trust with my LO that I hadn't even met when I went to panel.

[Loopylas123]

Hi
I’m a single parent and I started the process 3 months after my Dad died, my Mum had died 8 years earlier. The social workers saw the way I had dealt with grief and the understanding of loss as a positive.
I do have 2 sisters but went into it with the intention it would be me responsible for my child. My girl has actually brought us all closer and they adore her and say they feel more like grandparents (they are older) than Aunties.
I do feel sad at times on what she misses out on but I more than make up for this on crazy adventures.
Just make sure you are open to creating support networks (I was and still am fiercely independent) the main help being someone to call after a tough day.
I can honestly say that finding my girl has been the most amazing part of my life. After so much sadness I am truly blessed and happy and I have the best adventures with my little sidekick.
Good luck xx

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I guess you are all saying that Social Workers aren't too bothered about it either and it won't matter in my application, as long as I have a good support network for myself?
Social workers are very used to different shapes and sizes of families. Given many people come to adoption later in life lots of folk adopt without having parents to act as grandparents. It may be what you’d wish for your child but it’s not expected given you have literally no control over whether grandparents are still on the scene or not.

[patas]

@Loopylas123

Hi
I’m a single parent and I started the process 3 months after my Dad died, my Mum had died 8 years earlier. The social workers saw the way I had dealt with grief and the understanding of loss as a positive.
I do have 2 sisters but went into it with the intention it would be me responsible for my child. My girl has actually brought us all closer and they adore her and say they feel more like grandparents (they are older) than Aunties.
I do feel sad at times on what she misses out on but I more than make up for this on crazy adventures.
Just make sure you are open to creating support networks (I was and still am fiercely independent) the main help being someone to call after a tough day.
I can honestly say that finding my girl has been the most amazing part of my life. After so much sadness I am truly blessed and happy and I have the best adventures with my little sidekick.
Good luck xx

That's so wonderful!