How to tell adult birth children that we are planning to adopt

[Mumofsun]

My husband and I have 4 sons between us. DH's 3 boys are adults and do not live with us. The eldest one is married and has a 18 months old daughter who is of course the centre of attention of the whole family. My son is 16, is living with us and is fine with the idea, but we still haven't told the other three. Any advice on how best to approach the topic?

Are you worried about how they will react?

Yes, especially the eldest one with the little daughter, who effectively is my step daughter and our baby might be the same age... or even younger. I think they will be supportive in the end, they are all good boys, but we just aren't sure about the best way to breach the subject.

I have four boys all older, two had already left home, I started of saying that we are asking for your support as this really means a lot to us, I wouldn’t mention exact age that you prefer at this stage as that might change anyway, but just make it clear from the beginning that you are definitely doing it and would really value them being supportive, mine had some reservations but we’re ok after a few discussions. We now have a gorgeous 4 year old little girl who has been with us since she was11 months

Can't you and your dh just tell them that you have been thinking about adoption?
Why would the older ones be bothered but not your DS - who would actually be much more affected (assuming he won't move out of home permanently for a few/several years).
Are there already problems between yourself and the older DS's? Jealousy?

Is it because you want to adopt a girl after having so many boys in the family? And your first and only GC is a girl?

I can see why noses may be put out of joint, but I wonder how they would react if you announced a pregnancy.

I think I would be inclined to sit them all down together, including the 16 year old, and just go on the lines of you've been thinking about something for a while and now its the right time for you, and you want to adopt, you appreciate it might be a surprise but hope they will be supportive. I'd lay it on thick about them all being grown up with their own lives and this is something that means a lot to you.
I think you need to be confident in your approach to it, but you've thought it through and its happening, you understand that they might have concerns so you are happy to answer any questions they may have
Good luck !