Single adopter considering second child

[Theweansmum]

I’m a single adopter, 14 months post placement with the most adorable toddler in the world. I’ve just turned 44, always wanted more than one child and don’t want my DD to grow up without a sibling or find herself famliless when she’s my age, so I am starting to think about approaching my LA again. I don’t know any single adopters with more than one child so I worry it’s a crazy idea. It would be great to hear from others to find out how they have got on or whether anyone considered it and changed their minds.

I’m a single adopter of two non-birth related siblings. There’s a gap of eight years between my children, which is both a blessing and a curse. In effect, this means that my youngest DD is about to start school in September (please, Boris! 🙏🏻) and my eldest will be segueing into Y8.

I could write chapter and verse/War and Peace about being a single adopter vs being a single adopter to more than one. But I am simply too tired tonight! The 13-weeks of ‘supporting’ ie spoon feeding my preteen in her distance learning efforts while simultaneously playing 47,000 games of Dobble with the youngest have taken their toll.

Seriously, it’s lovely but it’s such HARD work and then there are the money worries to consider. However, if you’re a resilient, robust and determined person who can see a way to financially supporting two adopted children on your own, then you should definitely consider it.

Thanks Moomin - I’m still exploring the idea. If you have the energy, I would be interested to hear what impact DD2 has had on DD1. Has it been a positive experience for your eldest?

Hi OP, I would say it’s been mixed blessings for my eldest. My younger DD hero worships her big sister so it’s been lovely for her to have that absolute adulation. BUT, they still fight like cat and dog and sometimes it’s hard to tell the toddler and non-toddler apart, which totally boggles my mind.

Positives = my big girl has the chance to indulge her inner toddler in the play park etc without being judged by her peers for not being cool enough/grown up enough); when she is at a really low ebb (huge self esteem issues) DD1 will seek out cuddles from her younger sister who is always happy to oblige; for some unfathomable (to her) reason, DD1’s really cool mates seem to find DD2 very cute and are always keen to come over for play dates/sleepovers.

For me, the biggest positive is that because I’m an older-than-average parent, I hope that my girls will be good friends to each other after I’m not around (or maybe just barely tolerate each other but at least they will have each other, if that makes sense).

Let me know when you’re ready for the ‘negatives’ post! 😂

Thanks. Forgive me for asking but how old are you? One of my motivations for having another child would be to ensure my LO has family after I’m gone, so I can relate to that. I do worry though whether I have the emotional energy for two, especially as they get older and become demanding teenagers. I can’t afford to not work or reduce my hours lots more - at least not at this stage in my life.
My LO is so young still it’s hard to know how she’s going to be impacted by being being adopted and her start in life. I feel like if I wait till she starts school in 2023 to even explore it, though, I’ll be too old.
If you have the time, please do tell me the negatives too - i need to hear it all! 😀

I am a single adopter and I have two children. A bit different and that I adopted them together. I think there are ways in which two are easier and ways in which two or more difficult. My two entertain each other and argue and fight in equal measure.
I did briefly entertain the idea of a third child but decided it wasn’t for me. Mostly because I didn’t feel I had the time or energy to deal with three and meet their different needs. Good luck with your decision.