Just Starting bit of a ramble sorry!

[CarelessSquid07A]

We attended our introduction to adoption session with the La recently. Although it was actually much better than I expected for a virtual session. It did feel awkward asking questions.

Although we haven't had any fertility treatment we have had a referral and discussions and we're teetering between trying a very low chance of successful treatment with donor sperm or facing that this is likely the end of our journey. I would assume that they would consider we would need to grieve and move on from this before moving anywhere with adoption.

Now for me I've known for a good 10 years that I would have a tough time conceiving and frankly had always thought I would adopt because of that.

I agreed to the fertility appointments because my husband does want his own child however he also cannot conceive and in fact his chances are less than mine. So between us we make quite the pair!

I emphatically don't believe that donor sperm isn't for me, oddly Dh isnt too bothered about the idea but I just dont want to. He knows this but I'm not sure hes taken in what that means completely yet.

We do have loads of obstacles in the way as I'm sure our house is too small and we have house rabbits and other things too. And Dh may decide he's not keen on it at all and I dont want to push him into something that's not right for him as well.

We're 30/31 so I know we have time. But in the meantime I want to prepare a bit, read some of the books and really get to grips with what the reality might be.

I'm also hoping that if the books are around the house DH might give them a go when he's ready.

Are there any books you'd recommend? Especially any that have an adoptive fathers input if there are ones out there?

@CarelessSquid07A hi, I'm not much of a book person so can't recommend much but I do hear Dan Hughes is good.

If you want to talk about your feelings and explore how you feel about having a baby by donor sperm verses adoption, please do feel free to tag me in.

I've not had experience with donor sperm but have with donor eggs.

I was quite keen to adopt, but in the end we had a birth child first with an IUI cycle. Afterwards we were told it was very unlikely we would have another baby with my eggs.

We had IUI cycles and also had treatment with donor eggs. I did get very hung up on having another child!

Nothing worked, in fact I realised it was amazing I had ever carried a baby to term really, my body just seemed to not want to get and stay pregnant.

About 8 years ago we just came to the end of the road, waited our six months and signed on with an adoption agency, which was our local authority.

We adopted our son when he was 3 (6 years ago).

I am a big fan of adoption but I also think it is very good to work through the other options and work out what is right for you. I was in the position of really wanting another baby and my husband was ready for adoption before me.

In the end he had to wait until I was ready to go ahead. You really do not need to say but if you do want to talk about what's got you to the point you are at, please do feel free to PM me or tag me in.

Good luck.

Sally Donovan's No Matter What is a very good and accessible book if you're just starting to think about adoption. Also, if I remember rightly, it's fairly easy to dip in and out of, so could be a good one to just have around.

Good luck with everything! We were recommended

Why love matters by Sue Gerhardt
Creating loving attachments by Dan Hughes
What every parent needs to know by Margot Sunderland
The primal wound by Nancy Verrier

Thank you I'll start adding those to my wishlist and picking them up slowly

Dh and I had a big chat and he's really struggling to accept his own infertility which to be fair is a recent diagnosis although suspected for a long time whereas I've had 15 years of awful Pcos to come to terms with how difficult things were likely to be.

I think its affected his self esteem a fair bit and I think maybe he's going to need some help getting through that before we go any further.

In the meantime I'll happily keep researching and getting all the info and such. And once lockdown allows will have to start thinking about getting some more experience with young children.