What to expect from a toddler?

[Runner31]

Hi,
I know this isn't adoption but we're taking an 18mth old baby very soon as a foster placement and I'm a bit out of practice with them let alone a baby whose life has been chaotic at best. Can anyone give me any tips on what to expect?

Hey there I'm an adoptive mum of a 19mo. Main thing is say si how bloody active they are at this age! He went from being able to be left for a couple minutes in the room while I went to the next room to make s cup of tea etc to not being able to leave him because he is into everything and probably will have claimed s bookcase by the time I come back in lol. It's a lovely quite endearing aspect of toddlers and I live this age but I would probably just think about any slight amendments to your living room etc to make your life easier! Toddlers seem to make a beeline for anything adult that you'd think would be boring but becomes fascinating to them like ornaments or gadgets etc and think about anything they may get into trouble with if they climb! Fair chance they may be having a few tantrums at this age or at least getting frustrated but obvs depends on temperament! And separation anxiety may be a bit peaked at this age so you may have a bit of a limpet on your hands (I've learnt to cook every meal one handed now lol). But other than that I think it's a lovely age and you may find easier in some ways to entertain them as they are very interested in watching and mimicking what adults do and usually quite happy if you give them something to fiddle with like when I'm in kitchen I give him a mixing bowl and spoon so he can be diverted for a while! Good luck!

Thanks so much, That's really helpful. How long did it take your LO to settle when they first arrived? I'm hoping sw don't hang around here too long so we can all get used to each other for a few hours before bed time.

Hi. I find social workers will usually be led by the child and hang around till they feel that the child is showing a willingness to be with you. So for example, a recent placement glued herself to SW lap for an hour. While I chatted to her, showed her toys. Eventually she brought me a book and sat on my lap. She allowed SW to leave the room so my dh could show her the child's room then discreetly left. This SW had a relationship with the child, that's not always the case.

Thanks, all went well. No distress at all from the child and their behaviour is a lot less toddler and more baby. They're not really in to everything as attention span is so low. Any suggestions for engaging an avoidant or insecure toddler who doesn't often express emotion to adults?

As you said, more toddler than baby so I would be doing the baby stuff, as much as they will allow. Lots of holding, snuggling them in blankets, and towels after baths. Singing rhymes. Sharing books holding them while they explore a toy. Keep a soft toy/blanket to use when you cuddle them. Carry them around. Getting on the floor with them. Try for lots of eye contact without it being too intense. (I play eye games with children with poor eye contact, going cross eyed etc to draw their attention and amuse them, but that doesn't work for some, I think it needs a level of trust,).

Oh and keep it all short. She will allow cuddles etc to last longer as she gets used to you if you do it at her pace now.

have you or could you borrow a sling or baby carrier! I appreciate that at the moment these may be hard to acquire. In many areas now there are local sling libraries which hire out appropriate carriers for your age and needs at a very reasonable cost. May be worth googling to see if you have one in your area and messaging them to see if they can help in anyway. A structured carrier such as a Tula, Lilliebaby or ergo 360 is probably best for the age of your wee one.

Carriers are super for use around the house to allow you to keep the little one close to you while you do other jobs. It helps to create that close physical contact they are needing at this time to promote trust.

I used one with my 2 year old when she arrived and got tired or clingy in the house. She loved the up close cuddles it gave and when she became overwhelmed she would bring it to me.

I also used it when out and about with her on my back rather than in a pram as she felt much less overwhelmed! We also have fostered a couple of babies in the past and we always baby wore when out in the company of others to stop the inevitable “can I have a cuddle?” question. No one asked for a cuddle when they were all tied up cost with me.