Is it unreasonable to want to move introductions forward ?

[Blondie1980s]

Hi so I'm a new user to Mumsnet, but I have been lurking in the background for a little seeing all the stories.

Me and my partner are adopting a baby under 12 months old , we had our approval back in early April and like many others have been stuck in the lockdown limbo of when we can meet our child.

We saw the posture and got the information and immediately have fallen in love with this child. But the issue being is trying to meet them.
The FC has done a wonderful job and I'm very grateful for them. But she is uncomfortable with anyone going to her home incase if infection.

. (She has family members that are shielding , I understand her concern it's a very scary time right now. But we have been self isolating in prep for this , my OH for 2 weeks , and myself I've isolated from day one of lockdown incase things move quickly. We have also agreed that with the situation-only I will be the one going to the home for the first meetings. So the FC and family are put at minimal risk. )

Now we are waiting in limbo as the SWs and LA and the FC try and find an alternative way of us meeting them. In the mean time it's been at least 3 weeks of going round in circles and all the while we just want our child to be with us. I'm hearing from people I was in adoptions prep courses they have had their introductions and have even brought their babies home in the last 3 wks. Whilst I'm happy for them I'm devastated for me.

Am I being unreasonable in this. ??????
Help please going loopy here.

Just updating thanks for all your support... Im happy to report that we have had out planning meeting.. and we now have a defined date and defined plan for Meeting our little one.

Now im so excited its like xmas.. BUT i feel so much more certain and clear and in control now we have an actual date and plan in place !

@Blondie1980s, been following your thread with interest as I'm in a similar situation, ready to start intros but one of the FC is shielding. I've offered to get tested, self isolate, camp in their garden (!) Literally anything I can do to get things moving but fostering service are saying no. My problem with this is that FC's adult son who lives with them is a keyworker in a supermarket and has worked throughout, going in and out of the family home every day. In addition FC's daughter returned to primary school today. I feel both of them pose more of a risk to FC than I would, were I to test negative for Covid and strictly isolate. I feel like my arguments are being completely ignored by the fostering team (adoption agency are also trying to find solutions) and I don't know where to go from here. Just wondered what plan and timeframe you have in place and how was the decision reached?

@blaze27 Im sorry your having trouble with this I REALLY REALLY know how hard this feeling can be.

Obviously we have a few different things in our situation and the different parts of governments may have different rules.

Im going to put this like bullet points cause its quite a long subject but feel free to message me on thread or Directly as well.

*We were given a risk assessment to see what measures had to be in place. We were told we had to self isolate for 2 wks min.... Also that we hadnt been in contact with anyone that had covd or had any symptoms within the last month. (we also have no key workers in our family unit)

*We were in regular contact with our SW letting them know our concerns, (we are several months after the agreed matching panel so they were eager to move forward )

• Ask how the easing of the lock down rues now effect the Meetings for you ... Shielding can now of course meet one other person outside the household. (im not sure if thats just England thought?)

We are having virtual meetings for 2 wks, and meeting in 2 wks when shielding is expecting to be over (unless theres a meteor strike or something. Lets hope not )

But really we expressed our concern... Legally the sheilder cant go over the government letter the have .. BUT their sw should be open to start having a planning meeting to move forward as it cannot be held indefinitely.. and i would be concerned about the key worker issue too. Like i said try these or if you want more detail them PM me .

Goodluck!

Great news Blondie! Good luck!

Blaze sorry to read that you're still in limbo. It must be v frustrating that other members of the household are going out and about. Surely if you could be tested that would put their minds at ease? I hope that you find a way forward soon.

Thanks @dimples76 it's been a long hard slog to get this far. And I'm so excited and nervous you wouldn't believe.

Thank you @Blondie1980s, as far as I know they've carried out a risk assessment and I was led to believe that I'd be asked to self isolate for 14 days and then we could start intro's. I'm also a keyworker (NHS) but not frontline and am temperature screened every day. It just feels like the fostering service, not the FC's themselves, are refusing to see sense or entertain any potential ideas that we come up with to proceed safely. I do understand the need to keep the shielding FC safe but feels like double standards are being used with regards to other family members. Thanks @dimples76 you would think testing and common sense could be utilized but unfortunately not so far!

@blaze27 if the risk assessment and they have told you to self isolate this is good news. This means they are thinking how to progress further. Once they have the info filled in from your side and then the child’s side they will hold a meeting on how to proceed. There is a lot of red tape. But it’s good news they are starting those procedures. I know it might not feel like it right now. But this is a step towards.

It takes a little time whikst that gets done but then you should have some solid info then.

Keep the faith.

I've just seen this thread. All I'd like to say is.......we just adopted a 20 month old. She'd been with her FC all that time and was truly loved and adored by FC and their family. From first day introductions to moving in with us was only 10 days, she coped well and didn't have and attachment issues. We meet up with FC (first time was 3 months after DD came to live with us) and she was a bit unsettled the first time, but bounced back and has been fine on other meets since.
Don't worry about the extended time in FC, babies are so resilient and accepting of change. It doesn't take them long. Adoption is just a series of long waits. 3 members of our adoption group had their children within 6 months of ending the course. We took over a year. To get the adoption finalised took another year and 3 months.
Hang in there. It's worth the wait.

Have too be patient, not easy for us all Adoptee's and FC's., Have been shielding baby for 8 weeks, as have our children have four school age needless too say none in school, already too go awaiting green light from SS what ever that may be ??,

You may not like what I am about to say but I think the foster carer is doing the right thing. She has family members who are shielding and they must be the priority in this situation.

I know you are social distancing but, unfortunately, she doesn't know that for sure. Lots of people are saying this but are then still going to the supermarket etc.

I know you must be desperate to move ahead with this but the foster carer has a duty of care to keep her family safe!

I thought I'd post an update.

After 2 weeks of virtual intros and 4 days of physical introductions I am pleased to say that our little one has joined our home !

He has been here now for 3 nights and I truly cannot think what my life would be with out him at all.

I loved him from the day we were matched and saw his first picture to every day I have waited for him to come home.

And now he is home I'm truly awed by this little person that I have the privilege to call my son.

Thank you all for your support and I so hope you are all close and enjoying your family time.

congratulations @Blondie1980s

have fun !

@Ted27 thanks so much it's an amazing time right now.

Aww how lovely to hear your update @Blondie1980s, fantastic news, enjoy every moment! things have moved on with me too...am now self isolating with a plan to start intros within the next fortnight, so excited to meet my little lady x

What lovely news Blondie. Good luck Blaze

Having a little moment over my morning coffee

Congratulations! I wish you all the best

Wonderful!

Thought I'd just pop in and give all an update.

Things are going great with the little man , he really has settled in well with the whole family. And it feels like he has always been here. For all of you still waiting good luck it is so worth it.

My life is now complete, I'm exhausted from broken sleep but I wouldn't trade it for the world cause when the first thing you see is their smiling face looking up at you. How o earth can you ever be angry ?

That's lovely Blondie

Pleased too say our little babe has also now been successfully placed all went well., good intros., happiness all around

@fasparent

Pleased too say our little babe has also now been successfully placed all went well., good intros., happiness all around

Congrats @fasparent I hope you have been having a wonderful time with your bubble of joy. Xox