Hi everyone, I'm hoping you can help advise me if you've been through one or are going through one. I'm anxious, and I cannot put it to the back of my mind.
I'll give you my back story and then where I'm at right now.
I met my husband when I was 19. I was homeless due to arguing at home and 6 months pregnant. My husband looked after me, and the baby and we got married shortly after he was born. We were advised to put hubby on his birth certificate so that's what we did (although we are now aware that we weren't supposed to do so) we offered his biological father visitation right from the get go but he didn't want to know. So we went through csa for child support and dispite him disputing parentage he never showed up to any of the several dna tests they organised.
In 2019 he finally took a dna test (son now 11 at this point) and we find out he isn't his biological father. So we test the only other person that is possible and it comes back he is his biological father.
I will add here dates were screwed because I found out I was pregnant at 21 weeks, and then he was born early so hospitals had 2/3 different due date ideas.
So anyway this chap finds out he's a dad 11 years later, and is happy to leave things as they are and have no involvement. Cms push child support and won't let me cancel the claim so he takes me to court for visitation dispite agreeing it's not in his best interests (son is autistic and didn't know hubby wasn't his dad)
So went through court and he got letter contact as a friend for 8 months until he went through his Sat's. Then at the follow up court date he didn't show. Court called us in as an emergency the following week where he withdraw from court stating that he thought no contact would be in our sons best interest and he thought it was best to allow hubby to adopt him since he has always been his parent. So court was withdrawn almost a year ago.
We made him aware we would be waiting a short while as ds was about to start high school so already had some ginormous changes coming his way. At Christmas his biological dad asked again if we had started it. We hadn't, I explained 4 months to settle an autistic child into a new school was nothing and we would get round to it.
Then corona virus happened so he's been out of school which has caused grave upset, then we're going to have to settle him back in.
My main cause for concern is, he just wants his life to remain as it is. He's said this since he was told and we understand why and respect that. But I'm concerned the adoption process will cause him more anxiety and stress?
Could anyone who has been through it tell me what they do with the kids? What will they expect of us? Are we basically going to get grilled alive by the social worker doing the reports? It's causing me grave anxiety, and then more thinking of how anxious its going to make him too.
So some reassurance as to the whole process would be majorly appreciated. His biological dad is going to agree to it, so at the very least we don't have that argument.
Thank you - sorry it's so long 😂