Birth Mum has had baby No 7

[confusedanddontknowwhattodo]

Have name changed for this.

Call today from SW, BM had her 7th baby 5 weeks early. We knew it was coming and now baby is here.

We adopted baby No 6.

Baby is in foster care now with BM seeing him 3 x a week. Initial parenting assessments aren't positive, and BM still doesn't understand why the previous 6 children were taken away...

But with COVID-19 hitting us all, being in the house with DH and a 2 year old 24/7, it has taken a bit of a toll on our relationship.

We did have a rocky patch end of last year, but got through that, but with the current situation and being stuck together all the time things haven't been great.

We want things to work, are making steps to make it work, but what do we do about the new baby...

DH was only 50/50 before about considering having him, and with the extra stress and pressure COVID-19 has put on us I know he will say no now.
I'm also not sure now, and don't know if having another child would break us as it is hard, and we are now in a great place with our 2 year old and can see things getting easier.

I think you’ve answered this yourself. Things haven’t been great and the extra strain of another child may not be the best idea at the moment due to everything going on. Having a 2 yr old is hard work. Having a newborn is hard work. I think you both have to be 100% committed to take on another child. If it isn’t the right time then that’s ok. Please be kind to yourself and talk things through

Yeah, it's a hard one as before COVID-19 we were getting on great, but equally I don't want a new baby to come and things go back to how they were.

Baby is obviously half-sibling to our son, which makes it harder, but we have to do what's right for us and the baby.
I think the SW said July is when baby would go to the new parents, so we have some time...

The lockdown is very new and scary for everyone but it won’t last forever. Focus on getting through each day and spending time together as a family of 3. There is no right or wrong answer, it’s what’s right for you at the time. It’s fluid and may change over time

I think you probably have answered your own question. I think what jumps out at me is that your husband wasn't sure before.

and sadly if she has had 7 babies and doesn't understand why she lost them, then there is likely to be number 8, 9, 10.....possibly more.

You could not possibly take all those children so if you wanted to bring a sibling into the family later on you will probably be able to

Good luck, not an easy decision

I think you know the answer here, 2 under 3 is hard at the best of times and these aren’t the best of times. I think I’m adoption you have to be very sure it’s what you both want and it doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

You’ve got some time so maybe let the dust settle a bit and see how lockdown continues but I’d really go with your instinct on this one.

Like everyone else on here, I think you've answered your own question. Remember you do not have to feel a responsibility towards this child. It was not your choice that BM went through another pregnancy. Remember there are reasons why your LO not only doesn't live with BM but also doesn't live with any of her 5 older siblings either. Choosing not to adopt this child also doesn't mean that you couldn't adopt a second child at some point in the future.

What I would advise is writing down everything you have been told, asking for photos and writing a letter for your LO to read about your decision when they are older. Bear in mind that once you formally say no you will be given no further information about this child so if you were to hold off making a final decision until you've seen the paperwork SW put together for the child you will get access to more information for your LO.