What is happening with letterbox contact during the pandemic?

[Onholidayinthehouse]

I'm a birth mum (who now has other children) and I'm worried I may not get my annual letter from my first child due to the pandemic.

I've contacted the local authority but received no reply. I appreciate there may be some delay I would just like to know what's happening in general / has anybody been told?

Ours has been delayed with SS for 4 weeks but has now been sent.
We are expecting a delay in the reply as the birth family usually get help in their response.

Thank you Under

Unfortunately it is the opposite in my case and my letter is uniformly late. I'm understandably anxious to know my DS is safe and well.

I receive my letters via email and I'm hoping this makes it a little less complicated.

I'm afraid that our letterbox is going to have to wait until the end of lockdown. Our SW is shielding and we know from bitter experience that we can't trust the letterbox coordinator to handle it. I hate the thought of birth parents waiting for it, but it's better than it never getting to them at all.

Our letter to birth parents was due just as lockdown hit. I panicked slightly over whether I'd got the reference right as hadn't had any reminders but emailed it in anyway. Very glad I did as apparently our LA is not sending out reminders this year because of COVID. Also they are all working from home so only going in once a week to send them out so it will be delayed.

I spoke to several fellow adopters about what to write with regards to what's going on and honestly none of us were quite sure. Fortunately our LO has no underlying health conditions and we're following government guidance but we wrote at the beginning of lockdown and obviously there are no guarantees when it comes to catching/not catching it.

I've just heard back from the contact coordinator and I'm told that letterbox contact is still going ahead as far as they're concerned, but will be done via email.

I have mine via email every year so that's all fine.

They've emailed the family on my behalf this morning asking about my letter.

I'd just like to say on behalf of birth parents, thank you to all of you who commit to sending these letters annually. It means the world.

When I do get my letters they are always full of such love and I'm grateful that DS has been fortunate to be surrounded by people who adore him and have given him the best opportunities.

I often wonder whether my son's parents find it emotionally tiring to put together these updates, hence the delay, so I always ensure to let them know how appreciative I am.

I often wonder whether my son's parents find it emotionally tiring to put together these updates, hence the delay

I can't speak for anyone else but I know I spend a lot of time agonising over what to write. It's very difficult to sum up 12 months on a couple of sides of A4 paper. On the one hand I have a birth family desperate to have information about a child they consider to be theirs and on the other I have to balance my child's need for privacy. I have to think how would I as an adult feel about reading this letter my mum has written to people who are both virtual strangers and my flesh and blood. Then I have to think how would I feel as a parent reading this letter about a child who is both mine and not mine. I don't want to include something that would cause worry, discomfort or upset to anyone reading it. My partner refuses to engage with the process at all so I have no one to proofread my letter and say if I could word it better, take something out or add something in.

The reality is that I make regular notes of things that I could put in throughout the year but not everything makes the final letter and when I add to my notes I'll often mentally write the letter in my head for a while after.

I know of children who are reluctant to their parents to write even a basic yep I'm still alive and well style letter.

I've found it's got easier as the years pass but I think that's in part because we get a letter back.

Thank you for that insight chocolate

I imagine it must be very subjective to the case in point too.

If the child had been neglected or harmed then I could understand the adoptive family not wanting to engage. Similarly if the birth parents were drug users or emotionally abusive.

My case is quite complex in that I was never deemed a risk myself. I was a teenager when I had him and the father was the problem. I was deemed unable to protect DS in the event that the father did ever do anything to me again, because I had no support and was vulnerable on my own. He was taken at birth on the basis that he might one day be at risk, not because I ever put him at risk.

I worry about the stigma surrounding birth parents as I've read some horrifying accounts of abuse children have gone through, and as a result i always feel the need to explain why I'm a birth parent (aswell as a mother of two now)

This is a really helpful thread, thank you to the birth parents on here for your points of view.

I think I am going to chase the Letterbox coordinator for DD’s authority because they seem to have gone awol. I don’t want to be sending letters to a black hole (BPs and Siblings are due a letter from us). It’s good to know counties are still getting this done so am a bit more hopeful.

Choccy, our LA are going ahead with letterbox contact as normal but are only in the office twice weekly so understandably hard copies of the letters may be ever so slightly delayed.

If Bparents usually get the letters electronically then there shouldn't be much (if any) delay.