Introductions postponed indefinitely - anyone any ideas to move forward?

[WeAreNearlyThere]

Hi,
I had a bit of a rant a week or so ago because our introductions which were due to start last Wednesday have been postponed indefinitely with a review in three weeks time.
I am sure people will appreciate our disappointment, but I just want to make it clear that we fully understand that it was done in the best interest of the child and we are 100% behind that decision. We're not selfish gits and we know that the current situation is unprecedented and that no one really knows what will happen next. We can deal with the current three week delay however we feel that at some point there needs to be some sort of plan to move forward instead of postponing it indefinitely. We're pretty resilient and have been approved for both mainstream adoption as well as F2A, but we're only human.
We have been in self isolation for the past two weeks and will continue to do so. The foster carer has been in self isolation for longer as she has an underlying health issue. Meanwhile we have been FaceTiming, which will benefit the transition.
I was wondering if there are adopters who despite the current circumstances still had introductions. What sort of strategies were put in place to make it as safe as possible?
Maybe any social workers, family finders reading this?
Your help would be greatly appreciated.

I’m sorry to hear intros have been delayed - even understanding and accepting the situation it’s totally reasonable to be disappointed and want to have some certainty about what comes next. How old is the child?

👋 Jellycatspyjamas
He's 15 months old. Although he's starting to recognise us and even tried to stroke the dog, he understandably can't focus for very long on FaceTime. However we use the time to talk to him, sing and show him his room and the dog. It also gives us time to form a relationship with his foster carer who we cannot fault. She's been brilliant and she is so lovely.
Thing is we feel guilty because it sounds as if we're just being selfish and impatient but we just want to hold our baby, play with him and get on with life as much as possible under current circumstances. Not be stuck in limbo for the foreseeable future.
Unfortunately I cannot work from home. I was due to go on adoption leave last week, but with the three week review my employer has kindly offered to pay SSP. They've allowed me to stay at home and continue self isolating. If the situation doesn't change after the three week review then I will have to go back to work increasing the risk of infection. It just feels like everything's working against us at the moment.

I'm in a similar position. I'm managing to isolate myself to ensure I'm as healthy as possible, but the foster placement where my son is aren't able to as they have grown up children who are keyworkers.

My social worker is going to talk to their social worker about finding a solution to this. Until their household is able to isolate properly I'm not willing to go and see my son or to continue introductions. It's like playing Russian Roulette with everyone's health. It's very, very frustrating.

I'd suggest that you work with your social worker on a plan that works during lockdown (as we're going to be in lockdown for quite some time) and see if they can get the transition plan approved by their manager. That's all you can do short of kidnap!

It’s tricky because in all honesty, as lockdown continues more and more social workers are likely to be redeployed to frontline teams to deal with child protection and adult protection issues leaving specialist adoption teams short staffed.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about at all, of course you want to move onto the next stage of your life - they may well have been better hastening intros than leaving such a small child in limbo indefinitely. The reality is if the foster carer is isolating due to underlying health issues nothing might change for a long while - is she in one of the groups who need to isolate for 12 weeks? If so, that’s how long you’re looking at waiting I’m afraid.

In terms of moving forward I’d be talking to your social worker about how you see intros going - timescales etc but I’d not draw things out too long, your LO will need to process the disruption to attachment at some point and while I understand you wanting to make this as easy as possible a drawn out process may not make a difference especially if it significantly delays his move to his forever family.

We've just started the process to adopt again and had been hoping to be approved by the end of the summer. Our SW is working from home and has been redeployed and we have no idea when we will have our medical. Our authority has said that while we are on lockdown no transitions will happen and although they have raised the possibility of doing panels by conference call, given the amount of people they need to be legal, I doubt many will happen.

To be honest, the idea of doing transition now might seem great because of the enforced funnelling, I'm not sure I'd want to do it not when there's a possibility lockdown will continue for another 3 months. I spent a lot of time in the early days either in the park or a shop depending on the weather.

@ifchocolatewerecelery Our authority is still doing transitions on a case by case basis. I see your point about the enforced funnelling, but this pandemic could run on for at least another 12 months (with various stages of lockdown and social isolation) and I'm not prepared for my son to spend that time in foster care. I'd rather not do it like this either, but this is the hand I've been dealt!

(ps love your username!)

Everyone thank you for your replies. It helps to vent and to know that others are in a similar situation and have different strategies to deal with it.

@mahrezzy it's currently reverse Russian Roulette with one bullet missing in the chamber but a year from now it could be Russian Roulette with two bullets missing. At some point a decision will need to be made or else I fear some adoptions will break down. Think about the emotions of the children who are old enough to understand adoption and are aware that they are currently 'stuck' for a lack of better wording, unable to move to their forever homes.
In our case I am confident that we can make the necessary arrangements to keep everyone safe without compromising the self-isolation, however we need to convince the decision maker(s).

@ifchocolatewerecelery thing is we may be in this situation for a very long time. Some people at PHE suggested autumn 2021. We'd rather sit and play with our LO in self isolation at home/in the garden and build attachments during that period than having to talk to him via Skype/FaceTime.

@Jellycatspyjamas I appreciate that we shouldn't really feel guilty, but when all you hear is 'the LO is yours, you just have to be patient and hang in there' and other well meant words to that effect, it just feels as if you're some spoilt brat stomping their feet on the night before Christmas. As if we have no concerns for the wellbeing of others.
Unfortunately the foster carer is in the 'shielded' category. When we have the three week conference call we'll all have been self-isolating for about 25 days. Should none of us be symptomatic around that time than I'm not entirely sure what another 9 weeks of self-isolation will accomplish. Especially if you think that I will be forced to go back to work and the 25 days will have been for nought. Due to the nature of my job there is a very high risk that I could become infected which would delay introductions even more. Just feels as if we're stuck in a loop.
We'll sit the three weeks out and it's not too bad so far babbling on FaceTime, but knowing ourselves a strategy needs to be put in place very soon.

Anyway please have a read on what CORAMBAAF have to say about it:
corambaaf.org.uk/sites/default/files/uploads/Managing%20Introductions%20of%20children%20with%20their%20prospective%20adopters%20270320.pdf

It is unfortunate this virus is silent and has no boundary's . We see social workers through the window, no idea who has been visited previous, disinfect the gate before they come and after they leave discreetly., They are front line workers. Know of some self isolating also sadly passed away. Our main priority with any child is safeguarding them in this present situation. It's difficult for all the children are vulnerable. Not visited our own family's and children for 4 weeks. Hope it all end's soon.

@WeAreNearlyThere

I understand completely what you're saying, there were multiple delays before our LO came home and the wait was horrible. However the emotional and mental toll of transition on the adults is something that is often underestimated and likewise the traumatic impact on the child. There are lots of threads on here from people struggling with the transition/ early days post placement under normal circumstances where there is no lockdown and you don't have to queue up at several shops looking for calpol because the online pharmacy can't deliver til next Wednesday, you've run out now and don't want to give any of the ibuprofen you've got because of the small risk it could be CV no matter how unlikely that it is.

Cabin fever will make everything feel a 100 times worse.

I read the advice you posted and honestly it doesn't really set out a way to minimise the risks just that a risk assessment should be done.

Transition will force you to come into with more people. If the government extends lockdown for a further short period of time you may well find that you are delayed again. No social worker wants to be the one sitting there explaining why they moved a child at this time from a safe place only for either the child, foster carer or adoptive parents to end up in hospital with this virus, especially not until it’s clear that the infection and mortality rates have passed their peak.

Are you aware of what a transition would look like for this child in normal circumstances? Generally there’s a planning meeting with everyone involved in the link/match present. This is followed by spending gradually longer periods everyday with the child until eventually you are with the child all day from getting them up in the morning to putting them to bed at night. This means that in the majority of cases rented accommodation is provided to reduce travel. Another face to face meeting takes place in the middle of the transition to check everyone is happy with it. For our LO who was 13 months at transition it took place over 10 days.

As you want transition to happen without further delays, I would recommend you be in discussions now with your SW and FC on how to reduce the time needed for transition and the risks of infection, including looking at the possibility of using technology to observe your LO’s routine at specific times rather than just as a chance to engage and connect with. You need to be asking for the specifics of the transition from the child’s social worker in order to do this. Also you need to know what the effects on transition of either SW being diagnosed with or simply being symptomatic and needing to self isolate are.

Other things that need to be discussed include how the 4 week post placement LAC review will happen and how both the child’s SW and your SW will carry out their statutory visits to your home.

I’d also recommend contacting your GP surgery to ask how you can register your LO as a new patient as that could well come up.

PS please ignore the changes in font, much of this was written throughout the day in Notes and then edited slightly on here before I posted it. We have had lockdown struggles today as a family.

My introductions have been postponed too (they were due to start the Wednesday after lockdown started). I have 'returned' to work after 1.5 days adoption leave.

My SW contacted me yesterday to say that the LA have decided that introductions can go ahead if adoptive family and foster family have self isolated for 7 days. Our problem is that in the foster family one of them is a key worker and generally not able to have 7 days at home. They're going to review on Monday.

I'm sorry OP. This must be really hard for you. I remeber feeling like my lif was on hold at this point in the process and if you are at home with little to do, it is going to make it very hard not to think about it.
To be honest, I can see an argument for intro's going ahead sooner rather than later as at least you can as others have said, effectively funnel without grandparents stepping on toes!
I get that they don't want you going into the foster carers house but if you isolate then you are much lower risk.

My wife and I are in the same boat. We were held up on matching for legal reasons, then were approved and the kids given the books and told about us just before the lockdown. As they hadn't met us yet, introductions were put on hold indefinitely, but we are talking to them twice a week on Skype.

It's hard to deal with as we have no timetable (and that makes it hard to answer the questions about timings from the kids). We're isolating, and the foster carers are isolating - it seems like it shouldn't be a problem for us to meet up, but obviously there are a lot of things that have to be considered.

I feel so sad for all of you waiting to bring your little ones home. It must be so hard.
I’m a foster carer and in our LA all introductions are on hold. Luckily I don’t have a little one moving on at the moment so not directly affected but the main objective for foster carers is keeping the little ones we have safe and healthy. I know it sounds doable to do intros If foster carer and potential adopters have been self isolating but it’s not always that simple. There are often other children in the fostering household some of which who may be in the vulnerable group. And also introductions needed to be very carefully planned around the child and their emotional needs. Rushing intros or cutting corners could really have disastrous long term emotional effects on the children. I do empathise with the awful wait for everyone and I don’t think anyone thing you are unreasonable for wanting your little ones home.

Everything had been risk assessed (just before the lockdown) a schedule for the introductions (home and away) was made and all meetings were had. So everything was signed off and we were ready to go, however with two days to go it all understandably changed.
The FC's children are adults who left the home and she is not fostering any other children.
I can't see anything change any time soon and my concern is how long will we be able to cope with this situation of unknowns.
The last thing anyone wants is that after all the hard work and the emotional journey it all breaks down and ends in tears. We're not there yet, but there will be a point when "hang in there" and other well meant comments will no longer be enough. And from talking privately to others in more complicated situations we're not alone in thinking this.

I had intros planning meeting today (after they were postponed just over 2 weeks ago). We are starting on Tuesday unless anyone becomes ill or lockdown becomes stricter before then ...I am also going to have to have DS with me throughout as social services don't want to involve my Mum as well (which is actually a big weight off my mind). I imagine that DS will ask to leave after a few minutes at FC's house. Not quite how I had envisaged it but I think everything is being done to accommodate the needs of everyone involved. So I have all my fingers and toes crossed

@WeAreNearlyThere I really hope it will all be sorted soon. My friend is a foster carer and has children juts leave her at this time. So some counties are moving kids. There is a need for foster carers to take on new children (as sadly this lock down is exacerbating family situations).

It must be so hard for you but I really hope that very soon they will be able to move forward. The meetings etc could be done by online conferencing, they could use the secure networks not the stuff we ordinary folk use!

So maybe they will work all this out and be able to move on soon.

I thin k it's good advice to see about the process for registering him with local GP etc and just making sure you are ready.

Good luck.

@dimples76 That is great news, good luck. We adopted with a 9 year old and she was part of intros from Day 2. I don't think it is a bad thing, I think managing ds's expectations and needs will be challenging etc but I am sure you will be great.

Good luck.

When we moved ds to our house (almost 6 years ago) he was very upset to leave foster carer (he was 3). We sat in our house and ate toast cut into shapes with cookie cutters and little pots of jam, butter and marmalade.

It's a very odd time, but adoption is a hard thing, an odd thing in a way. And in the middle of all the difficult stuff that is going on I hope this fun little new things together will make sense of it all. And make it wonderful for you. I expect my son has long forgotten his cookie cutter toast, but I have not.

I hope (and pray) that these new little ones will get to their new homes very soon. Please keep us updated. XXXX

Good luck @dimples76. Hope everything goes smoothly x

Thank you both. When I saw the original intro plan (devised pre-lockdown) I had said that I wanted DS to be more involved - be careful what you wish for!

Got the call and it's the news we dreaded. Postponed. Indefinitely. It could be June or maybe spring 2021 or even later, we just don't know". So no start date. No plan. No guidance. No end in sight. Just continuing in limbo. And I'm now forced to go back to work as a key worker so the past three weeks in isolation was a complete waste of time and money.
When I said 'nothing 'I lied. We did get the advice to, "Just hang in there and maybe do more FaceTiming".
Our SW said he'd understand if we wanted to pull out if this just goes on and on and take some time off. Reality is that if we do that, then we'll have to explain to the next matching panel why. And that'll probably go down like a lead balloon.

@WeAreNearlyThere I'm so sorry. I was thinking of you last week and wondering if you had any news. What's their reasoning (if you're happy to share)? Is it because we're in lockdown and they don't know when that will end? Is it because of the virus itself? If it's because of the FC's health, surely if you're both completely isolating you won't impact on her when the time comes?

My transitions are hopefully starting again in a couple of weeks. I'm still able to see my son (I'm isolating and the FCs are isolating as much as they're able to) and my plan isn't too different to the original one. We have to be careful about our health, obviously, but so long as we all agree to do that I think it will go ahead. I've not had the sign off from the FCs or from the social workers managers yet, but I'm feeling positive.

I know all LAs are different (I'm assuming you're with an LA and not a VA?), but they'd actively want to place your child with you. What a horrible, strange decision. I'm so so sorry. I hope that whatever they're waiting for happens quickly so you can get him home.

They feel that it's still too risky for the FC, despite all the precautions we could take on top of our self isolation for the past 3+ weeks. If he would have a melt down during transition then she won't be able to support in person, just via FaceTime.
Despite my professional experience and the fact that we have been approved for F2A and the LA expressing that we're the ideal couple there was nothing left on the table. So there is now no end and no review planned. Nothing to give us even the smallest sliver of hope.
And on top of that I have to go back to work now because adoption leave can't start.

@WeAreNearlyThere I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. It sounds like it's been taken out of your hands and it sounds like the FC has had input too. Which, of course, is her right. Everyone's health has to take priority but that doesn't make it any easier.

How committed are you to your son? Would you wait a year for him? Would you wait two? I was approved to do F2A too and obviously since matching with my son I no longer get approached. Would you be open to having your profile back on the table to do F2A even though you've matched? Is that even possible? It's something I spoke to my social worker about recently but I couldn't do it. I linked with my son at the end of last year and am committed to him whatever happens or however long I need to wait.

It's so hard. I know some of what you're going through as I've been through these emotions over the last couple of weeks and I'm sending you the biggest of hugs xxx

@WeAreNearlyThere I’ve pm’d you but didn’t want to read and run - you’re in an impossible position here. Can you find some time and space to think this one through - what I mean is try not to rush back to work too quickly (though i know the pressures there). Whatever you decide, take some time with your partner to grieve what you thought this time would bring.

How awful this is.

@WeAreNearlyThere I am so very sorry. This seems very unfair to you and this little boy.

I am pming you because I don't want to share any points on here as I may be speaking out of line but I feel so sorry for you and like Jelly I just could not read and run.