About to start introductions and petrified!

[mahrezzy]

I'm a single adopter and it's taken me nearly two years to get to this point. I've matched with a gorgeous little boy of 20 months who is perfect for me in every way. I've met him several times and we get on very well. I couldn't ask for more.

I'm about to start introductions and I'm incredibly scared. I don't know why! Well I do know why: I'm not sure if I'll be able to cope, I'm not sure what my life will be like, I'm scared that I'll get sick (I suffer from a chronic illness) and that I won't be able to parent. I'm scared my support network will disappear. I'm scared I'll lose my identity. I'm scared I won't be able to function on little sleep. I'm scared that parenthood will be all grind and no joy. I'm scared my little boy will develop needs I may not be able to meet.

Throughout the process my social worker and I have addressed all of the above. Logically I know I have it covered. But emotionally I'm freaking out! I'm so scared.

Did anyone else feel this way? I want this little boy to be my son so very much. If its not him then it's nobody - I have no doubts about him. I'm more scared of parenthood in general now it's suddenly here after years of trying.

Tell me I'm not the only one to feel this way and that it will pass. And if anyone has any suggestions on how I can help this pass I'd be grateful!

All perfectly normal, I'd be more worried if you were going in super confident.
I'm a single adopter, I can't promise there wont be challenges along the way, I cant promise that it wont sometimes feel like very hard work.
But there will be moments of joy.
My best advice, get into a routine as soon as you can, take one day at a time, lower your expectations, you dont need to be the perfect parent, earth mother or domestic goddess, a bit of dust wont kill you, nor will feeding him fish fingers.
Little boys are fab, mine is not so little now, he is fifteen. I am fatter, greyer and knackered but we have had plenty of adventures along the way.
Good luck and congratulations

Hi,
Congratulations!
Single adopter here too and couldn't agree more with points above. And fish fingers have absolutely saved me. Perfection is not needed or indeed possible! It will be hard, but there will be those moments of joy.
Years in to parenthood, I've just had a very mixed weekend - difficult moments, and also times of absolute bliss snuggling on the sofa with a film together.
I'm sure like other single adopters I've come across you'll find that inner reserve from somewhere and from new people you meet along the way...every day.
To answer your question though - no, you're not alone! I was absolutely all over the place...
Good luck!

@mahrezzy Yep, I was wobbly as hell here! 😱You have been given really good advice. Ease up on yourself, no one is the perfect parent!
Set up accounts for online food shopping. Try to get out of the house for fresh air every day if you can. Don't 'funnel' too strictly in the early days as you will go bonkers!
...... and remember we are here! 😁 Let us know how things go and we'll do what we can to pitch in and offer support. We're a friendly bunch on here!

Yep, all perfectly normal. Another single adopter here. You’ll be fine, honest, but I totally get (and remember) the ‘oh my god I won’t be a good enough parent/ what if there’s no-one to help/ what if my chronic illness gets worse.

Like others have said you’ll find your inner reserves (Lord knows mine are VERY stretched at the moment but just about still hanging on) Your support network will grow and change.

It’s not easy doing it on your own and there will undoubtedly be tough times but there’ll also be great highs.

That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what day 3 or 4 of intros felt like when DD literally wouldn’t get in the car with me when we were out and I had to phone FC to come and help. Felt like an epic parenting fail before I’d even got started. I stressed myself with thoughts that I’d never get DD into a car on my own. The reality is she was absolutely fine after a few days and these days she reminisces fondly about this episode because to her it’s just an amusing anecdote.

Good luck with intros, they can be really tough but once they’re over, they’re over. You can do this.

Thank you all. I've been fairly relaxed throughout the process (as much as I can be) but now everything's done and the house is ready and I'm on maternity leave...... I have time to suddenly comprehend what I'm doing! And I'm disproportionately scared. I have ice-cold fear in my tummy and it won't shift!

All your advice is gratefully received. It's good to know I'm not alone (nobody else from my prep group felt this way, it seems, or they're not admitting it if they did!).

I think I'm going to stock up on fish fingers and download a meditation app.

I’m a single adopter too. Mine are teens now but I remember the fear I wouldn’t cope/would be good enough. I do think it’s normal and it won’t automatically go away when he’s home. I think being a parent brings a whole new level of worrying to your life what never goes away. It can be super super hard and there were times when I thought I would die from lack of sleep and was so frustrated with the lack of me time. But they have brought me so much joy, I always wanted to be a mum and they have completed my life in a way I never could have imagined.
Over the years I’ve learnt I can cope with much more than I ever thought I could. You will too. Enjoy your boy. X

Hugs. You've got this. I'm not a single adopter and I can clearly remember sitting in the car as we were finally bringing our LO home thinking what the F have we done. The only thing that got us through it was the knowledge that we'd past 2 panels to get to this point so other people clearly felt we could.

You are not alone! Single adopter here too, I have also taken 2 years to get to this point. I have just turned 50, and tomorrow there is a court hearing to decide if a 3 month old baby will be placed with me for fostering/adoption. Tomorrow afternoon I might be a mum! Absolutely terrifying. I too have got the house ready, and I am sitting at work wondering whether I will be on adoption leave tomorrow or not. I think it is perfectly normal to be scared, I am not sure whether I will cope without sleep or whether I am up to being a parent.

@MadAdopter I have a F2A call ages ago and I remember that feeling. I had two days to get the house ready for a newborn and it was so scary. Thankfully the birth mother changed her mind - it was a relinquished child - but I do remember that rushing and exhilaration and nerves. Wishing you the best of luck with it. My introductions start tomorrow so I'll think of you - check back in to tell us what happens (I've been following your thread too).

It's so good to know I'm not alone in these feelings. My friends and family have been very supportive and tell me that they all experienced this too with their natural children.... I keep telling myself to calm down, to go into it enjoying it, to count my blessings rather than to freak out. xx

Hope the first day went well.

@MinesaPinotPlease thank you, it did. We're all a bit concerned that things may get delayed or change now because of coronavirus. We'll see! x

@Mahrezzy 💐 I hope you get some word as to what is happening soon!

Hopefully it won’t prevent you from bringing them home soon.