Keeping in touch with foster carers

[Ifeel1000yearsold]

I’m a foster carer and adopter. I’ve been around this board a long time although have had a few names changes for security reasons.
I was wondering if any of you would be comfortable sharing whether you’ve encouraged an ongoing relationship with foster carers after your children have been placed and the reasons for your decision. I’m doing some research around this and am really interested to hear your views. Specifically when your child saw the foster carers again after being placed with you, what the time frame was and how you felt it went. Would also be interested in the advice social workers gave around this area.
Thanks in advance.

Sounds interesting. I was very upset just thinking of my LO's loss of relationship with foster carer. Social worker advised a meet up would be fine after baby had attached to me, they thought a month or so would be ok for this but I was less convinced. Sadly though the meetings with foster carers never happened as I'd wished though as they specialise in young babies so were and remain constantly busy with new LOs. I maintain contact with them via email though and they're included in the books I've made for LO, as are birth parents.

Crazy that people are given such different advice from social workers. Research that I’ve read shows that for little ones the earlier the better so they learn people they love and who love them don’t just disappear. This makes a secure attachment to their adoptive parents (sorry hate that phrase) more likely.

My ds has been home now for 6 years. Not posted on this board for a long long time.
We continue to have a positive relationship with his foster carer and the other children who were in care with him at the same time that have gone on to be adopted. It has reduced over time but never a year goes by that we don’t all meet. They are just extended family to us now.

Research that I’ve read shows that for little ones the earlier the better so they learn people they love and who love them don’t just disappear. This makes a secure attachment to their adoptive parents (sorry hate that phrase) more likely.

Research is so useful in helping us understand how children grow and develop, but it has its limits. While research tell us ongoing relationships are important for children, there will always be exceptions to this, individual situations where continued contact would be I’ll advised or downright unsafe. Social workers will give advice based on the specifics of the particular situation considering history, theory, research and current capacity of all concerned to act in the best interests of the children involved.

Research is an important part of that picture but it’s not the only, or the biggest consideration when making decisions.

Research that I’ve read shows that for little ones the earlier the better so they learn people they love and who love them don’t just disappear. This makes a secure attachment to their adoptive parents (sorry hate that phrase) more likely.

But is this a “cause and effect” thing or a correlation thing?

Presumably the type of foster carer that the parents are happy to meet up with early on are ones who obviously looked after the child brilliantly, prepared them well for the handover, was respectful of the parents as parents during handover and were just basically nice people.

It is hardly surprising that children who were looked after by foster carers like that end up thriving. The question is - do children who were looked after by foster parents like that but don’t meet up with the foster carers afterwards for some reason (eg distance) do less well? Or is it that the children who do less well had less good foster carers (hence the parents not wanting to meet up with them) and that is the cause of the issues.

I’ve kept in close contact with my first FC, see her every few months and send cards at Christmas. My second said she would find contact hard, so I’ve messaged her twice, once to let her know that baby had settled in well, and once to say we were fine (during Covid). On both texts I asked if she wanted photos (she did) and told her to text whenever she wanted to

We are foster carers we just had a little one adopted she lived with us for nearly two years a fully functioning loved member of our family ... she went to a lovely family and I hope our relationship will continue. I struggle with how quick the transitions are and how little the child is thought about by social services . We appealed to make transitions longer and more child focused but my pleas fell on deaf ears.

We would be happy to be part of or help anyone looking to make changes in this field . I read ‘The Children Were Fine ‘ report and this resonated strongly with me . I think about this child every day ,for sure they are loved in the adoptive family without doubt...my concern is for the trauma of two huge separations and how it is held and processed in little minds. I see it happen so much in adoptions now and the short term outcomes override any long term thinking from social services.

Lunalace, I'm the other side from you as a mother (adoptive) but with same concerns and argument. Currently battling with SS to make intros longer or at least have video contact prior to intros starting in order to aid that transition. Sadly a lot of deaf ears here too.

Our dd came to us at 9MO. She had really wonderful foster carers who clearly adored her. She was their first foster child so they were understandably heartbroken when she left them. We met after a few weeks on advice of the sw's. It was intense as their teenage daughter was there and quite tearful. I also noticed that the foster mum still had my dd as her screensaver which I didn't mind as such but just shows how intensely they loved and missed her. Although dd was fairly unaffected either way by the meetup I was concerned that the foster family loved this child so dearly that it was becoming more about their needs and feelings not my dd's. I was a bit cautious about further meetings. However we've met a couple of times subsequently and it's become more and more easy and like we're meeting a long lost auntie. Foster mum is also in a very private facebook group where even now 2 years on she's still the first to love pictures/videos of my dd. She never intrudes or asks to meet dd but I think now that we are in a rhythm it's actually very beneficial for my dd. I hope we will still be in touch im many years and that this will give my dd a much needed link to her past. Although she doesn't really remember the foster family she always seems to have a degree of familiarity with them that's slightly above how she'd regard a total stranger which is interesting.

Luna my 2.5yo had a 4 week transition as she moved with her 7yo sister. Although the right length for the older one, I think it was far too long for the younger, by the end she didn't know if she was coming or going.