Is there an adoptee specific forum anywhere?

[2plus3kids]

Hi, I'm an adult adoptee who was born in Australia but has lived in the UK for the past 20 years. Over the past couple of years I have been doing some research and reading on adoption (I'm 46 years old) and I am hoping to find a community of other adult adoptees.

I'm a mother of two boys (there's a short code for this isn't there but I don't know what it is!) and I have 3 step children.

I'm really interested in connecting with other adoptees with a view to sharing our different journeys and being able to talk about what type of therapies (or not) have worked for them on their adoption journey (acupuncture, talk therapy, EMDR, reflexology, yoga, Reiki, Gestalt ...the list is extensive!!) and how we parent our kids when our own parenting was often confusing and fog-like because of adoption.

The UK support networks seems few and far between (the US seems to be ALL over this) and I'm inspired to join a community if there is one, or start one if there isn't!! Adoption is still talked about so little and I really want to find some people I can talk about it properly with who will fundamentally understand what it's like to be us.
Hope to hear from some of you or be pointed in the right direction if this isn't the appropriate place.

I'm an adoptee. I think your best bet for stuff like this is facebook. I don't know of another website which is adoptee only- this one gets more adoptees than many.

I think the reason for this is that most adoptees I know don't see adoption as a substantial part of their lives and so don't want to discuss it much. Personally, I certainly think I have some issues to work through around identity, but the stuff about confusing parenting and needing therapy could not be further from my experience.

Of course adoption is (like all parenting) very far from perfect and I'm sure there are many people with similar experiences to you out there.

You should also feel quite free to share on here, if you wish- we do adoptee specific threads, SW threads, birth parent threads. I think the range of voices is a strength you might not find on a FB group.

I ended up here after doing an Internet search for almost the same subject. I'd be happy to discuss experiences.

I am an adoptee. There are quite a few on mumsnet for sure though only a few post here.

A couple of years ago a group tried to get adoptees their own mumsnet "Talk Topic" or section but it was refused and I am really not sure why. They started a thread but it lost momentum as there are so many things different adoptees might want to talk about in their own threads - for example looking at this thread so far, you might want to start a thread about therapies, or parenting fog, whereas another might want to start a thread about identity related things.

So... if you feel a bit forward going you could try again with mumsnet, setting up our own section, who knows?

An adoptee I know said she had looked at facebook places but found them to be about people who have had blisteringly awful experiences and hers was more middle of the road (so to speak) but I haven't looked at facebook myself so I cannot comment.

That probably doesn't help much... I know there are other adoptees out there as they pop up on threads in other parts of mumsnet.

Thanks @sassygromit, that's helpful. I'm not sure I'm wholly committed to setting up an entire section in mumsnet. I'm more looking for a community of people who perhaps share some of the same challenges. I might take a look at FB...thanks for your comments.

Thanks @donquixotedelamancha. Your response was helpful.

I think you would find a decent community with lots of MN adoptees with wanting to talk about what yo have mentioned, if a section were set up. I think it was a huge shame it didn't go ahead last time.

Hi OP, I’m an adoptee though very many decades ago. I had brilliant adoptive parents and a happy childhood do never felt yet need for therapy. However, for me there are many issues around birth family, my relationship with them (tenuous) and the complicated issues around identity which are hard to unpick. I’m aware that adoption these days is a very different experience and really, the main reason I read these boards is that I have an adopted grandchild who I’m very involved with. But am usually happy to comment if an issue re adoptees comes up.

I'd like an adoptee specific section too and have contacted Mumsnet.

I’m an adoptee and would like a section too. I’m now in touch with my birth family trough AncestryDNA testing and would love to discuss that.

I would love an MN adoptee section. There are lots of groups on FB. I dont feel at home on them on most cases. They do seem to attract quite extreme viewpoints. I have really struggled with some posts I have seen there, particularly when they involve BMs who were underaged at the time and the BFs were not...Not exactly sure why I havent left.

There is also no anonymity and one if my birth parents is adopted. So, I feel I can't speak very freely in case he finds these groups and needs support.

The DNA Detective type groups seem more moderate although there are adoptees there too. They seem to be more accepting of people looking primarily to fill in the blanks, so to speak, rather than jump in fast with big reunions. I can understand why people might want that but it isn't for me right now.

I’d be interested too, in a topic. This one is mostly for people currently going through it I feel. Wasn’t too complex for me until I had my own children.

I was adopted from 3 months old, my adoptive dad turned on me and my mum when I was about 10.
as an adoptive child myself, I always felt unwanted, why wasn't I wanted. and I didn't ever get close to my adoptive parents.
in my teenage years my adoptive dad would say to me, I am not surprised you were given away.
he would tell me that it was the worst thing they ever did was adopt me.
I have dealt with this as I am now in my 40s, I just wondered if anyone else had experienced a bad experience after they were adopted.

Hi @zooba81
Didn't want to read this and run.

Are you in the position to organise some professional counseling?

Sorry your adoptive father was horrible.

zooba81, sorry to read this but you are not alone. I have found a good facebook group which has members all over the world, probably more in UK where it was set up. They have been really supportive and you can share your story (if you want to) or speak to one of the site administrators in confidence (they are all either adoptees or birth mum's themselves and experience of it in some direct way.) I have spoken to many other adoptees as a consequence through this group and this has helped me enormously and there is even an online support group where you can chat. You don't have to want to trace birth family at all to join. https://www.facebook.com/groups/www.familyfootprints.org