Inheritance help

[sunshineANDsweetpeas]

Long story short. I have a birth dd and an adopted dd. Myself and their df split a few years ago. My ex, was involved in the adoption process but due to issues when we split, I adopted our dd as a single adopter. He's always treated her as his own and he's always been her df, just not legally.

My ex is estranged from his father and I've found out today that his father has changed his will to skip him, and leave everything to his eldest grandchild (our birth dd) which means his adopted gc (her sister) will get nothing. He's quite a wealthy man. Tbh I don't even think if he had pr it would make a difference as he's never seen our ad as his grandchild, even before we split up.

I'm just so sad for my ad as I'm sure this will cause issues when it happens. I don't even have the money to give her the equivalent amount to equal things out.

which means his adopted gc (her sister) will get nothing

But she is not his AGC. That is the problem.

Why did you not complete the adoption jointly pre-split? Were there specific reasons around your ex’s commitment? Was this in the U.K.?

It’s difficult because there really isn’t much you can do but I do wonder if your ex is presenting different narratives and emotional reactions to different people (which might be contributing to his father’s attitude).

It was a different situation but when my dad died the inheritance came to his three biological children. My eldest sister who had a different dad, did not inherit. The three of us pooled the money, divided amongst the four of us equally. The youngest of us was around 17 we all agreed it was the right thing to do. I could never have inherited some money and see my sister without. I can't imagine it'll be something you have to worry about in the near future and siblings do look out for each other x

Thank you Pixie that makes me feel much better. My BDD is a kind soul so I doubt she'd see her sister go without when the time comes. I just feel for my ADD as she struggles with attachment and rejection at the best of times, so this would be another rejection for her.

BTW, the solution that Pixie describes can be done by something called a “deed of variation”.

Speak to your ex though too. Maybe he can have a word with his dad now.

My parents did a deed of variation to allow them to give me and my siblings money from my dead grandad's estate so that if they died within 7(?) years we wouldn't pay inheritance tax on it.

I understand why you're sad, but I also sort of understand the grandfather. You and your ex chose to adopt but his father did not. He has zero connection to your daughter. I assume it'd be the same if you had a biological child from another man, she wouldn't be related to your ex's dad and presumably not on his will.

I think the best thing to do is accept that this is not your decision to make and trust that your biological daughter will be good to her sister.

Incidentally I wouldn't cut your biological daughter out of your will to even things out, at least not without talking with her first. Otherwise she'd be the one who feels left out. Even if you want to give more money to your adoptive daughter, I'd make sure both girls get equal shares of the meaningful/emotional stuff. Whether it be photos, jewelry, keepsakes, etc.

That is a harsh situation op I can't see how you can make it better. I guess you have to see how the situation develops and the relationship between your daughters pans out, maybe DD1 will want to share with DD2 in the future. I don't think there's anything you can do at this stage. Hopefully you've had false info and your ex hasn't been cut out after all?

Thank you for the responses.

No I'd never cut my BD out of my will to even things out. They are both still quite young and the GF will hopefully still be around for years to come, so if he does reconcile with his son I'm hoping this will never be an issue. I'll talk to the girls as, when and if it's appropriate. As PP have said, there's actually nothing I can do, It just makes me sad to think that it would be seen as another rejection in my AD eyes. She has attachment disorder as a result of her circumstances so has a massive sense of 'fairness' at the best of times. my eldest is a kind soul so I'm sure it'll work out. it's less about the money and more about rejection.

You will not be able to cl make any changes. You can not make a recipient worse off if they are a minor. You would have to prove how it would be in your BDD best interests to deprive her of her assets. Which you can't.

The ADD is of no relation to your EXFIL so there won't be any claim or need for support.

The only way would be for BDD to willingly give.

However. You can't ever pressure her.

I understand why you feel sad. As you said though this is unlikely to be an issue for many years. Maybe your ex-fil will change his mind. Maybe your add will have time to grow and work on this feeling of exclusion. Just cross that bridge if and when you get there.

For now, your add doesn't need to know about this.

It doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship with ex-fil. Rejection from someone who isn't (by their own decision) part of the family presumably doesn't mean as much as if he was a regular presence in the girls' life.