Adopting older children

[DiannaK]

Hi everyone
We are about to start the adoption process and would like to adopt a slightly older child (5+).
I’d love to hear positive stories from any of you that have adopted older children. We’ve done our own research and know we will learn much more through the process. I know there’s highs and lows to it all but right now, I just want to hear all of your lovely stories please.

Hi,
I adopted a nearly 5 year old a few years ago, as a single adopter.
Best decision ever! I couldn't imagine life without her. The difficulties are worth it.
Good luck!

My son was just shy on 8 when he came home, he is now 15 and will leave school this year ( how did that happen !!)
I think whatever the age range you are looking at it helps to be clear why. So for me
single adopter one income - need to work, child care costs high - school age preferable
You know more about them so can be better prepared - mine came with diagnosis, Statement as it was called then, DLA in place
no very young children in my family/friends
my age - didnt want to be parenting a teenager in my 60s
and to be very honest - don't much like babies.

I think we have had a very successful adoption, my son is happy, settled, has friends, a family who adore him, a weekend job, he is a Scout and Student Leader at school, he has a place in college subject to his GSCE grades, he is a fairly ordinary stroppy, smelly teenager. We are in a good place at the moment.

I'm not prepared to gloss over the challenges though as overcoming these is huge part of our 'success' story. We had some very intensive, traumatic and exhausting therapy. Coming out of that is a massive positive and was a huge achievement for him. There have been other challenges along the way, meeting those and coming through them makes us the lovely positive story we are today.

We adopted siblings aged 4 and 6 nearly 3 years ago. I consider it a successful adoption in that both children are growing and thriving, they are both healthy and enjoy good, settled relationships.

Like @Ted27 though I wouldn’t gloss over the challenges. Both children came with a significant trauma history which has left its mark. My daughter is 8 now and the gap between her and her peers is quite apparent. We’re just now starting the process of assessing her specific needs - at the moment we have 8 different specialisms involved in her care (thank god for the NHS) which means me working part time to support all of the appointments etc she needs. My son was younger and his needs appear less significant at the moment but that may change.

It’s very hard work - less uncertainty but more need for fostering attachment and things seem to go through cycles of one step forward and one step back. It’s also very very worthwhile, my kids light up my life, they’re funny, caring, affectionate little people who have grown so much since placement.

I would say the one thing that makes a massive difference is a good school placement by which I don’t mean academically strong, Ofsted outstanding. I mean trauma informed, flexible, and utterly child centred. It’s the one thing that has saved my sanity.