Constant touching

[2mums1son]

A bit of background....we adopted our son who is 5, two years ago. He seems settled at school and we both work. He goes to Breakfast Club and a childminder for an hour and a half after school. We both work in education so don’t work at all in the school holidays. So my problem probably sounds really trivial (and some people would be delighted for the level of affection) but he just won’t stop touching me when we are together. My hair, hanging off my neck, stroking my face, ruffling me......I don’t like asking him to stop as it’s great that he’s settled and affectionate but sometimes it drives me insane. His FC always said he was affectionate and he is entirely discriminate. He only does this to me-less to my partner, and very very little to family, and never to strangers.

I wake up sometimes to my 22MO stroking my hair and face which is adorable and I have no desire to change. The trying to convince me she doesn't have legs so must be carried everywhere and pulling my top back to look at my bra regardless of who is in the room I could live without though It does seem like he's just seeking affection. Do you have a bit of time you could set aside each day to snuggle? We do this with my LO for about 20 minutes before bed. Get under a blanket, bottle of milk and stories. We also do it most nights after she's found herself in our bed too but that's a different story Not sure what the answer is but I wouldn't try too hard to curb it (especially if he's respectful pf other people's personal space) as it's obviously a sensory/bonding need xx

Glad it’s not just me being mauled 😍 thanks for the advice. Will give it a try!

It's probably a comfort/sensory thing. I work in a school and I have some children that do this. When it becomes too much I'd try distraction either by giving him a favourite object like a blanket/teddy to cuddle, something like a fiddle/stress ball to keep his hands busy, distract with a different activity or swap places(i.e. you'll rub/scratch his back or leg instead).

It's entirely normal to feel touched out and trying to get a break from it without shutting him down is understandable.

I have seen many threads on mumsnet about this very thing, it is very common at this age, definitely not exclusive to adoption. It will start to wane fairly soon and you will miss it! I'd try to embrace it - it drove me mad sometimes but I didn't want dc to feel rejected. You could try a counter attack by turning to them when they do it and giving them a big hug

My two are like that - if I’m in the room they need to be in physical contact with me. It’s very hard, and I do feel touched out at times but I’m not inclined to try and stop them. They need physical touch and affection - maybe have a look at theraplay type games and activities which might help you incorporate touch in your play and communication.

I feel for you because it’s bloody hard but there’s also a real need for closeness. Make sure you get time away from him so you can rest and relax.

My son who is four (and adopted) does this. It can be really difficult as if I don’t give him attention he then hurts me. I found if I give him a squeezy cuddle or rock him or stroke his face or back. it sometimes stops it for a short time. He is looking for a sensory response. I sometimes tell him it’s not the right time (if I’m cooking or need the toilet etc) he then usually puts music on Alexa (it’s the frozen soundtrack at the moment) and he sings dances and spins. He will then get a sensory input in a different way. Is there a way for you to give him a different sensory input? If it’s appropriate I’d just pull him onto your lap and enjoy the intimate time. Soon he will be too big. I do understand that it can be very intense all the time and hope you are able to have a rest and a cup of tea throughout the day

@2mums1son it's lovely your son wants so much of your attention. Has he always wanted to touch you so much or has it got worse in recent months?

Do you feel it is too much touching and may be a sign of any issues?
If you do feel that they I would approach post adoption support. I always suggest that because I have found post adoption support very good and helpful.