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Original poster

Any vegan adopters out there?

54 replies

Fakinit03 · 06/02/2020 09:26

We are right at the start of our adoption process but just wanting to hear some experiences. We have a 3yr old birth son already and we have been a vegan family for 2.5 years.
I am aware that depending on the age of the child we adopt (we will be limited to a max of 2yr old) we may not be able to put them straight onto a vegan diet but just wanted to hear if anyone has experience of being a vegan adopter and if they met any resistance from social workers or any tips or advice you could give us?

I'm not looking for a debate or opinions on whether a vegan diet is suitable for children, I have a happy healthy 3yr old to answer that for me!

OP posts:
defaultusername · 10/02/2020 13:05

Veganism isn't always the 'healthiest diet', though. Being dogmatic on that, I worry, will mean you trip up. Veganism is a restrictive way of eating. It can be healthy, it can be living off processed foods and biscuits. It can more easily lead to deficiencies than an omnivorous diet, and combined with trauma (which often leads to restrictive eating in young children), could be more of a problem in adopted children.

For example, if you had a child under 1, they would need to be on a cows milk based formula, how will you feel about that?

Good luck to you, I'm sure this will be well explored in home study.

Original poster
Fakinit03 · 10/02/2020 13:18

For example, if you had a child under 1, they would need to be on a cows milk based formula, how will you feel about that?
Like I've said I am happy to adjust as needed!

Obviously a processed vegan diet is not healthy just as a processed non vegan diet is not healthy. We always have homecooked from scratch meals which are usually bean/ lentil/ tofu based. We all take supplements too. Both myself and my son have had bloods checked for different reasons and neither of us are deficient in anything.

OP posts:
nevernotstruggling · 10/02/2020 17:24

@Fakinit03 re your most recent post - that's all you need to say x

Runner31 · 10/02/2020 17:54

You sound fairly sensible and realistic to me. I would imagine wanting your children to have a healthy diet will go in your favour as will being willing to adapt to any needs which you say you are.
Good luck with the application.

user1479136681 · 12/02/2020 16:48

I'm a lifelong vegetarian and my wife has been for about 3 years. We haven't been asked about it at all - in fact we asked them! We have said we'll be flexible and feed our baby whatever diet he is happy with and carry on what FCs are currently feeding him. I suspect wife will not remain veggie for long so I'll be outnumbered!

Pixie2019 · 12/02/2020 17:48

I am vegan (2 years) and about to start the adoption process. DH has been mainly plant based (vegan at home, eat everything with his team at work). Since January he is trying to become fully vegan.
You've said you will transition sensitively so I can't imagine anyone would have an issue with it. What's the argument really?
Please keep this thread updated though, I'll been interested to know, even if it just doesn't come up.

Original poster
Fakinit03 · 12/02/2020 18:42

@Pixie2019 welcome and good luck! Will definitely keep you updated, hope your application goes smoothly!

OP posts:
Escapetab · 20/02/2020 17:02

"It can be healthy, it can be living off processed foods and biscuits." So like any diet then.

defaultusername · 20/02/2020 21:14

Precisely. Veganism is no healthier than any other diet, except it excludes many normal human food groups, and requires greater work to be healthy. Which can be difficult to achieve with a traumatised child.

1099 · 21/02/2020 09:08

Firstly, are you actually ‘Vegan’ or do you just follow a Vegan diet, I think these are different and could create different obstacles.
Secondly I would expect you will be fine during the assessment process, however will be surprised and somewhat disappointed when it comes to finding a Link/Match. I suspect you’ll get interest from Family Finders (do they still call them that?) but will be passed over as “not quite what we’re looking for”
The reality is SWs aren’t looking for someone who will be aiming to ‘transition’ the child over to their way of living, they’re looking for a family willing to adapt to the childs needs and whilst you say you’re willing to do this you also say that transitioning any child to Veganism will be one of your aims. They want a child to feel part of the family, if the family is Vegan and they aren’t they will always feel different to the family and IME with DS this is definitely not what they want to feel.
As you said Its more the attitudes etc I'm wanting advice on. People have some weird ideas around veganism SWs are people too and you may be lucky and get one who embraces Veganism but you will almost certainly encounter others who think it will be too different for the child they are trying to place.

defaultusername · 23/02/2020 20:59

This is the case with many things in adoption. Approval is reasonably ok to get, because you can appeal etc.

But just being passed over again and again at matching? Heartbreaking, and impossible to appeal, or prove the reason why.

I think it probably depends what else you offer as a family, whether a SW will see the trade off as worth it.

While I can see the argument against 'transitioning' a child to our way of life, isn't that what we all do? My children would never have been to dance class, or the sports they do, or many other aspects of our lifestyle in their birth families. Their diet is the least of things that's different, and been transitioned. Adoption is a big deal because it's a transition from one family's way of life to another, and yes you have to take a child centered approach, but it's still a transition. I for one have no intention of living how birth parents, or even foster carers, do, in many many ways!

Wintersun13 · 29/02/2020 10:47

That's an interesting issue and I think you'll need to think both in the long term and short term.

For instance you said you'd be willing to ease the transition over many months, but how will you react/feel if the child decides in 10 years that they are not interested in being vegan ? Would this be a serious point of contention ? What will you be willing to do/not do to accommodate the child's way of life /beliefs ?

You don't have to answer here but these are questions that may be asked at some point during the process, and that you should consider regardless so you ca' adjust your expectations accordingly.

For instance, I'm an atheist. If my child decided they want to be Christian or whatever other faith, I wouldn't be thrilled but I also wouldn't tell them what they can or can't believe. I'd drive them to church if they wanted to attend though depending on the child's age I may not attend myself.

Fathor1978 · 03/08/2020 19:58

Yes! Wife been vegan for decades and myself for almost 3. We disclosed it and my wife had her Vegan Runners top on in her photo. It helped that we were both very active/fit. I hold quite a few powerlifitng titles and records so it would be hard for the SW to have said it was unhealthy. (Had plenty of issues with the LA outside veganism however) We also said we would be fine feeding the children meat if they wanted it.
We kept things quite similair for a week or two but quickly swapped ham for tofurkey, cheese for violife, etc. We are very lucky with ours that they really like veggies and really into the concept of veganism.
Ours were 2 and 3 when they came to us. 4 and 5 now. When they are having meltdowns they like to say they want to eat animals but we just say that will be their choice.

user1479136681 · 03/08/2020 20:27

We are vegetarians but we have always said we'd feed our child whatever they were used to and give them meat. We now buy meat for our son, he doesn't eat it every day but most days a week. Also fish. Our cats love it!! They were obviously fed meat (from pouches) before but they've never had chicken leftovers for example. Whenever I'm cooking his tea they come and hang around the kitchen.

Anyway to be honest I don't like buying or preparing meat but I see it as a necessary evil until he's old enough to choose. He does like his veggies and is quite fussy about meat (he won't eat anything processed, the only child I've ever met who won't eat a fish finger...) so we will see. It's pretty easy because we usually cook a big sauce or chilli or something and then cook some meat separately to add to his plate.

I will add that food is SO important. The FC were so helpful and gave us lists of his favourite foods and stuff, we cooked everything they gave him at first and you could tell he loved it and meal times are very positive for us.

Pixie2019 · 04/08/2020 11:02

Our forms asked if we had any dietary requirements I.e. vegan, so I was expecting lots of questions. It hasn't really raised a single question at all! We said would keep diet the same to start to reduce the amount of change for the child but, other than that, no one seems particularly interested. I suppose it's fairly common these days.

Original poster
Fakinit03 · 04/08/2020 16:01

Thanks for everyone's input! We're going to panel at the start of September and so far veganism hasn't been an issue at all. Our social worker has a vegan daughter so she was very understanding of it. We have said we will accommodate diets as necessary and she has reassured us that is all panel will want to know!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fakinit03 · 19/12/2020 15:36

Just to update further in case anyone else is behind us and wondering, it wasn't mentioned at all at Panel. We have now been linked with a baby and again during our meeting with her social worker it wasn't mentioned at all. Definitely much more mainstream and accepted now it seems!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 20/12/2020 01:47

My son is 10 and has been with us for over 6 years. He still loves his simple not that healthy food. We do add veggies and fruit etc but he would have a very beige diet if we left him to it.

It's not how I expected to feed my adopted son or birth daughter but to be honest for us now just putting a hot meal on the plate each night is hard enough with everyone's food preferences/fads. I do think food can be an issue for some adopted kids.

Stinkyjellycat · 20/12/2020 13:19

Congratulations @Fakinit03 exciting times!

Original poster
Fakinit03 · 28/02/2021 06:29

@pixie2019 hope everything is going well for you! Just thought I'd update again as you asked.
We are now matched and start intros in 1 week. Lo sw didn't bring up veganism at all and it wasn't asked about at matching panel either! So it literally hasn't been an issue at all! Luckily our LO seems to be very into her food and not fussy in the slightest so hopefully introducing her to vegan food shouldn't be too bad!

OP posts:
Pixie2019 · 28/02/2021 09:30

That's great news! Congratulations, I hope intros go well x
We are now approved (Oct) and searching for our match. Covid is causing us more difficulty than I'd like but things will all turn out well in the end!

percypetulant · 28/02/2021 09:32

Congratulations! Hope all goes well.

AngelDelightUk · 28/02/2021 18:42

Oh how lovely! How old is LO?

Exciting times!

Original poster
Fakinit03 · 28/02/2021 19:55

She's 13 months and so gorgeous! We've met her for walks a few times and met her in the park with our bs this morning! FC left us to it for a half an hour while she read her book in her car. It was amazing the first taste of our family life! Now to survive isolation with a 4yr old for a week!
Can't wait for intros to start!!

OP posts:
Ted27 · 28/02/2021 20:05

You don’t sound at all excited @Fakinit03 😃