It's not all bad!!

[Kyriesmum1]

Hi everyone, thought I'd post this to show everyone that adoption is amazing too!!

My LO we were told would be behind due to the trauma through pregnancy and drug dependency. At the medical we were told that she may always struggle with learning and need lots of extra help.

The day before yesterday she took her first steps.... at ten months old!!!!!! Health visitor came and done her health check and she is 3-4 mths ahead of her age! Admittedly we do invest a lot of time in helping her achieve everything she can. She may still struggle later in life but we know by getting her to achieve everything possible now we are just helping her for the future!

We never thought we would end up adopting but I'm so glad we did 😁

😀💕

Listen to you, all proud Mama. 💐

Hi

You couldn't have posted this at a better time!

I am due to have a home visit tomorrow and it is looking very promising that a match will go through. I am a single adopter and will admit I do sometimes have doubts/fears.

When I come on these boards it makes it worse as it does seem to be full of horror stories of it not being what people expected, not bonding (which is my worst fear) etc.

Do you think it is like the relationship boards in that, people that post on there only post as they are needing help with a bad relationship. There are obviously thousands of very happy marriages out there but they don't come to post on the relationship board about their happy marriage.

So similarly, most of the people that post on here are posting for support as they are having a bad time. There are lots of other happy adoption stories out there but those people wouldn't think to come on here as much to post success stories?

Or am I just dreaming?!

Can I second this! I had concerns about my LO as parents both had a degree of LD and mum especially was very vulnerable. I'm slowly not worrying any more! It's early days as she's not even 2 yet but she seems sharp as a tack! Never shuts up. Into everything. Learned a lot of her letters and shapes already, remembers things from weeks, even months ago, wicked sense of humour, climbs everything and just starting to use a balance bike tentatively and an all round delight! Maybe some things will surface as she gets older but I'm under no doubt that oir amazing little girl will grab life by the horns and she makes us unimaginably proud Thanks for your story. Lovely to hear the positives.

I love this!

My DS is 3, has been with us since just after his first birthday, and he is the most amazing person in the world. I am besotted.

He is beautiful, intelligent, funny and cheeky. He brings me more happiness than I could ever have imagined.

Thank you so much for this post. We are right at the start of our adoption journey after 5 failed rounds of IVF. You hear so much negativity about adopted children and it's amazing to hear positive stories too.

Can I chime in too? Mine was fta and also led to believe life would be a bit of a struggle with lo. Well they have been an absolute joy from day one. Fairly significant delay until about three and then absolutely flown. Now ahead of friends kids who were way ahead in their development earlier on. Might all change of course but I’d be thrilled if they were a happy bin man so long as they were happy and contributing.

Me too! I was told ds was delayed and warned of ld through the birth family. Three years down the line and his development is very much in the same ballpark as his peers and he is an absolute joy to be around. I found the baby stage hard but that's because he was a baby not because he's adopted. He's now an adorable, funny, thoughtful four year old and life is very good.

What a lovely post 😊

I do have to point out though that my son has incredibly complex needs (physical disability, autism, non-verbal, learning disability, high medical needs, visual impairment and hearing impairment) but he makes me proud every single day. I absolutely love parenting him and get so much joy from being his mummy.

Not to take away from your daughter’s amazing achievements at all just to point out really that if your child does not meet their milestones it doesn’t make being their parent any less of a privilege or adoption any less amazing.

So nice to hear you feeling so proud and full of love for your daughter 😊

This is a brilliant thread. It isn't all doom and gloom on planet adoption. Of course it is a mixed bag and a significant group have big challenges. But we do not hear enough about the good news.
My son has been diagnosed with FASD and we had really big challenges initially to really understand his needs. It was a struggle to obtain diagnosis. It is a continuing struggle to ensure he has the right support with his education. My goodness we can have some challenging days even now.
But he is truly amazing, smart, funny, loving and brave. I could not be a prouder mum! ☺He even has the confidence to tell me when I'm driving him a bit nuts! 😀

Love this post! I just lurk about the forum and like to read updates every night before I go to sleep. I’m just awaiting a match, and really smiled at this post tonight so Thankyou ❤️ Xxxxxx

Just to add my "it's not all bad" story as I agree, I think people who are struggling post on here, people who aren't struggling just read, or don't even look at all, they just get on with life. I'm a single adopter to an almost 3 year old. Who knows what the future holds, but I've had 2 years and 3 months of joy from being his mum. My son is funny, beautiful, bright, sociable. Doing brilliantly at nursery, hitting all the milestones that I don't even care about and wasn't expecting. Adopting him is the best thing I've ever done. He is also fiercely independent, strong willed, infuriating and exhausting, but not really any more than any other toddler I know. Maybe I'll be back posting when things get challenging, but that doesn't take away the good times we're having.

I love this post. I concur. Mum to a beautiful, bright, chatty, affectionate three-year old. An absolute joy to be his mummy (though exhausting). As with any child who knows what the future will bring, but I so rarely heard about the wonderful side of parenting when going through the process. Fortunately, and reassuringly, I knew several well adjusted secure adult adoptees (including my close family member).

Just wanted to add mine into the mix. My LO was born drug dependent, suffered abuse whilst in the womb and would be in theory at risk of mental health issues and learning difficulties. It is such early days but he is 16 months old meeting all.his milestones and other than courting constant attention from us all which is actually quite funny he is very much the bright button at the mo and an absolute joy. He is so much more than his paperwork. It is obviously nowhere near knowing what the future holds yet but I feel privileged to be his mummy and despite some rocky days in the beginning we are doing well xxx

My adopted grandchild was born drug dependent and there was DV during the pregnancy. LO was placed at 1 year old and is now 4, bright as a button, doing well at school, really happy and no health problems so far. It hasn’t always been easy, there have been sleep problems and anxiety to deal with. But they are one very happy family. Good luck! xx

I can't thank all of you ladies enough for this post!

I have my home visit this afternoon for a match and reading your stories has reinvigorated me.

All too often I read these boards and nearly end up convincing myself that it will be the worst mistake of my life.

I'm not saying it won't be difficult, and I know I am probably being naïve regarding the massive impact on my life, but it is just lovely to read these posts.

I think it is what we were saying, the people posting on here are generally the people struggling, and I do have every sympathy for that.

But thank you all for this thread. JUST what I needed to hear today.

Now back to feeling sick about the visit this afternoon!

@Morley19 ooooh good luck for this afternoon lovely! I remember I was so nervous, but deep breath! Chocolate biscuits at the ready.
Remember to include this forum as part of your support network! 😉
Let us know how it goes! x

Thanks niffler75

and what an excellent point! I would never have thought to mention the support from mumsnet! Brilliant, thanks!

This is a really nice thread. I have been in catastrophising mode so I needed this!

I suppose we never know what the future holds for any of us, not just our kids.

We're proceeding with a match with a baby with likely FASD and I have been shitting it. But then I read what the FC said about how he loves swimming, trees, music and singing and think I can't wait to meet him.

I'm so please that it has helped lots of you!!
We are so full of love for our little one, she is definitely the light of our lives. We have 3 birth children too and one piece of advice I give other adopters is there is no such thing as a 'normal' child. They all come with their own rollercoasters and we just have to learn to ride it with them! 😁
Also my teenage children told me they wished I wasn't their mum, just a warning for if your LO's say your not my real mum, teens are brilliant at hurting you emotionally as they know it works but with ALOT of patience and counting to a zillion they develop into amazing people and you soon forget the hard times!
I'm sure there are lots of lovely stories out there, but I think this is a place for people to reach out for help and to check your not on your own, these lovely stories are definitely needed too!

Much love to all of you and your gorgeous little ones ❤️😍

Also joining the positive camp! Our amazing child has been home almost six years, and they are just the funniest, smartest, kindest-hearted child anyone could imagine. It was a rough start, I've learnt a lot and I've got plenty left to learn, but it's incredible. Their development has been a real mix - in some ways far exceeding the expectations, in some ways new challenges have been discovered and they continue to make life really hard at times. But did I mention they are amazing?? They're amazing!!

This is a lovely post to read, it’s made me smile! I am a very proud mum to a 7 and 8 year old who buzz about like wasps on speed all day which brings its challenges but the amount of laughter and giggles and fun in our house is ridiculous! They joke and tumble and tussle all day long and live their best life to the max! They are doing great at school, make great friends and at parents night recently my sons teacher said she couldn’t think of a single negative thing to say about him! (Disclaimer- his behaviour at school is a bit different to home! 😱😱) They are both kind, empathetic and funny. I tell them each night (often through gritted teeth) that I am the luckiest Mam in the world and I just hope they always believe it.

My babies are the best. 6 yo been home for 5 1/2 years and 2 1/2 yo been home for over two. They are crazy and so very funny. Best thing I ever did.

Can I chip in too to this lovely thread? Two boys here. 8 & 4, been with us for 6.5 years and since birth respectively. I could not love them any more. They are funny, beautiful, doing so well in their little lives, hitting all their milestones and more and are just full of fun. Every day is a joy and I’m so glad we have them in our lives. Couldn’t imagine how it could be bettered. BEST THING EVER!