Disappointed with SW visit (2nd time adopting)

[newyearsresolution2010]

Have posted before about BM being pregnant again. Our old SW called us 3 weeks ago to tell us and asked if we would get approved again.

New SW came round last week to start the assessment, all started fine until we mentioned we would only be interested in that baby. She didn't know about BM being pregnant, or that we were being assessed for that baby (if it did get adopted).

She started saying panel wouldn't approve us for just that one child, that she didn't understand why we wouldn't adopt any baby and not just that one (even though we said numerous times that it would be a half-sibling to our son, and if we can keep them together we'd want that).
She said there was no guarantee we'd get the baby (we said we knew that) and that we wouldn't be able to do the journey for contact each week as it was 'too far' (even though we are used to doing 6 hour round trips in the same day to visit relatives, plus have hugely flexible jobs).

She then saw the bedroom, which is a huge spare room, and said it would HAVE to be ready for before baby is born (even though there is no guarantee baby will be adopted, and if it is when it would happen as BM may have the opportunity to parent again), and said the two children couldn't share (no problem, we didn't plan on that happening anyway).
She'd also said (before we said we were only wanting to adopt this baby) that baby would be in with us initially anyway so wouldn't need a room, so completely went back on that?!

She then mentioned the spindles on the staircase, said it wouldn't pass H&S and we'd have to board them up! This is on the same house that was assessed when we adopted our son! Never were they mentioned, and never had he fallen through them or even been close!

We didn't even get to the part of wanting to do a kitchen extension as we were too worried this would be a massive issue (even though half way through our last assessment we did a loft extension and our SW was fine with this, and it was finished before panel)!

It's just left a bitter taste in our mouths now. We were happy before, just the 3 of us, and they called US! We didn't ask to adopt again, they called us because BM was pregnant! That is the only scenario where we would have adopted again, but now we're just not sure if it's going to be harder than before and if our new SW isn't supporting us then why bother....

There's such a variety in SW approaches it makes the whole process so much harder. We approached our LA about adopting two specific children I know and have had to go through the whole applocation process as if they dont exist. It was made very clear that they would only process our application if we agreed to adopt any children and not just these two. I've found it really difficult although I do understand why they are processing us separately. However your situation is so different it makes no sense to me why this SW would question you about adopting other babies. Who made the initial call to you about adopting your boys sibling? Can you speak to them about how you feel the second visit went?

I think you sometimes need to take SWs with a bit of a pinch of salt. I don't think it's unreasonable to make it clear that you're applying with this child in mind but otherwise I think just 'play the game a bit' I think it's unreasonable to expect you to have a prim and proper nursery prepared for example but could you maybe clear the room out and give it a lick of paint? No harm done then if nothing comes of this. They shouldn't mind if you're doing a kitchen extension but remember that they will not like any disruption once new child moves in so possibly either get it done before matching or don't mention it and put it on hiatus a bit. We were mostly very open and honest with our SW's but sorry some things are just plain petty and not worth the battle so just smile and nod politely. Eg; we were asked to stop our cats getting in OUR bedroom (ours, not the child's) I just said 'of course' but they've snuggled up on our bed every day since I mean I guess you do have to be careful... a 4kg ball of fluff can sure do a lot of damage afterall Just take it on the chin as best you can and remember that they will surely be looking to match you with this sibling if at all possible

Runner31 - Our old SW called me, said BM was pregnant. We've kept in touch and I send photos of our son to him and our sons old SW, and he knew if BM had another we would want to consider it.
He said we would need to get approved again, which should only take 4 months this time, and we did the paperwork to get it all underway.

I just don't get why this SW is being so difficult, although she didn't know BM was pregnant or that we'd been called, so maybe it was a surprise to her too and this was how she reacted.....

We'd want to get the kitchen done before the summer, but the plan would be to have it done before baby came - IF baby is adopted.

There's lots of 'what ifs' and it's hard to put everything we planned on hold for something we don't know will even happen, and this visit just made us think 'do we want to jump through hoops again and get stressed out with the new SW when we don't even know if this baby will be adopted, and also if the SW will support us'....

I adopted my children's siblings...twice.
Each time dc was home within 4 months.
We were approved for that child only and would not have wanted any other child.
We had an independent sw to avoid any bias as the children did not have placement orders when we started.

Hope that helps.

While you can't be approved for a specific child, approval to when wanting to adopt a sibling only is common, so that's rubbish. Ask for a different SW. You don't need the stress of this twit.

We were approached to consider our sons sister who had just become available for adoption. We said we would like to be considered but were aware that having 2 kids with complex needs might put them off. We didn't say that to them and stressed all the positives we had to offer. The conversation finished with me asking them to let us know one way or the other once they had decided because I didn't want to just be left hanging ( I am also a fc and have previous experience) She promised faithfully that she would get back to us asap.
That was last August bank holiday and not a peep from them since ! The way they treat potential adoptors is disgusting at times .

That sounds disappointing and odd. We were contacted by SWs about our son's new sibling (who had been born and placed into foster care, and for whom the plan was adoption), and did home study a second time purely based on bringing home that particular child, and the SW involved our son as part of the assessment so he knew he was getting a sister.

We went to panel where they simultaneously approved us as prospective adopters again, and the match with the child, and intros started the following week. All throughout our second assessment and at panel it was seen as a positive that placing the children together would allow them to maintain a link with a bio relative.

Agree with other posters, maybe see if you can have another word with your old SW, or a manager and see if the new SW has got hold of the wrong end of the stick somehow.