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Original poster

Childminder woes... urgh!!

13 replies

Jannt86 · 03/02/2020 13:11

So my 22MO has just started going to CM's in prep for me starting work. In a nutshell it seems like she's hating it. She howls when I leave her. I was prepared for this but then I'm getting reports from CM that she's spending the entire day pretty miserable and occasionally accepting cuddles but mostly just self soothing and clutching to a toy bear. What's more concerning is that when I dropped her off this morning the comments I got from the lead CM was 'this is all for you you know' and 'you're going to have fun when she's a teenager. She's a true girl' I know she meant the comments as a joke and was trying to reassure me but it just made me really irritated tbh and worried I've chosen the wrong CM. They proclaimed to understand about attachment and then come out with comments like this! And it's bullshit coz if it WAS just for me then she'd be right as rain after I left surely. I just don't know what to do and I know it's only early days but my heart is breaking for my little girl Sad How can I make this easier for her and how can I make her CM 'get it'?? TBH the cynical side of me thinks that even if I moved her it would just be more of the same shit and my girl would just be even more confused and unsettled. How is it that people who earn a living purely by taking care of young children understand so little about early development?! Urgh! Sorry for the rant. Any help would be greatly appreciated xx

OP posts:
flobbytummy · 03/02/2020 20:41

This sounds terrible. I would change CMs. My experience with early years care is do not ever think you are being precious, keep on it until you find the right people, because the right people are out there. What a shame!

sunshineandskyscrapers · 03/02/2020 20:48

How long has she been there? I think if it was me and I wasn't back to work yet I'd be keeping the days short (a couple of hours and then slowly build up), but at the same time shop around for alternative provision that you might both be happier with. It might just take her a little while to feel comfortable with the cm, but if your gut is telling you this setting is wrong for her I would definitely be looking to see what else is available.

Original poster
Jannt86 · 03/02/2020 21:04

Thanks. We have been building up gradually. It's not just the attitude it's other things. They have an online portal to document so quick and easy and yet the 5 times she's been there she's only actually had a personalised note about what she personally has been up to (normally a few generic notes) and NOTHING about what she's eaten all day or nappy changes or sleeps. I'm having to pester for that info and yet they're rushing me out as soon as I get there! I'm just really starting to think I made a mistake Sad but I'm back to work in 3 weeks

OP posts:
sunshineandskyscrapers · 03/02/2020 21:20

That communication isn't going to get better. Seriously I'd be on the phone tomorrow to see who else is out there.

Original poster
Jannt86 · 03/02/2020 22:50

This is my fear and I feel like the trust is gone now no matter what. sigh back to looking elsewhere and hoping I can find somewhere I guess Sad I wish we could just send them with little spy cams so we know they're safe and happy Grin

OP posts:
defaultusername · 04/02/2020 15:27

We found nurseries better attachment-wise, LO thought the childminder was intros all over again, whereas nursery has all the kids in the same boat- away from mum because she works, and then mum comes back. Plus it's easier to address training deficits at a nursery IME, as it's not one person as their own boss.

tldr · 04/02/2020 16:05

We used a nursery because we didn’t want it to feel like FC/intros all over again, and there were loads of adults around so it wasn’t 1:1.

But even a nursery was able to tell me what he’d eaten and how many nappy changes etc at pickup.

I’d keep looking.

Tishtash2teeth · 04/02/2020 18:27

I would look at nurseries. All mine have been to nurseries. I did look at a childminder but found it too similar to a home setting and didn’t think that would work for my Little’s ones. The business and bustle of nurseries meant they really looked forward to going x

Smudgymoo · 06/02/2020 06:19

This sounds awful. Firstly I would say normally for children going to CHILDMINDER’s it takes ages for them to stop crying at drop off. Our AS has been going since September, and only just has stopped crying at drop off (he’s nearly 2). Though having said that, he cried when I dropped him off at grandparents, who he absolutely loves on Saturday.

I know as soon as I’m gone and he’s distracted he’s absolutely fine, however the first few days with a childminder are hard for any child and there would be tears - adopted or not.

It sounds like you need to find a new childminder. I hated my return to work because of the guilt at drop offs - and nobody should be making you feel worse for it!!

Original poster
Jannt86 · 06/02/2020 07:03

Thanks for the responses. I callee CM and let her know and she was full of excuses, most which I believe to be BS ('most nurseries write these daily reports before the day has even started, we can't be out in the community updating oir devices it'll look bad, what difference does it make to you if yoi know how well she's eaten etcetc... I mean I couldn't even argue with such rubbish) I also noticed a particularly miserable newsletter where she was telling parents that them sending their kids in ill was making her want to quit and how if we wanted to potty train our kids then we needed to make sure that they could pull their clothes up and down?!... WTF?! Shock I have now chosen what seems like a really lovely nursery for her that seems very child focussed and loving and serm to have a bit of knowledge about attachment therory. I was put off a nursery believing that it would be more sterile but I think if you choose the right one they can be just as warm and inviting and have much better space and facilities and better structure which does work better for some kids. I wonder as well if sometimes our LOs associate the going to someone else's house with intros. My advice to anyone searching would be to look carefully at both options and search early and don't be afraid to question things or move if it doesn't feel right. Our littlies especially need and deserve the best xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Jannt86 · 18/02/2020 11:47

Update: LO had her first taster at nursery for a couple of hours today. There was a lot of fussing and tears as expected but the report is she did also play quite well and she already seems pretty comfortable with the staff and they seem lovely. I arrived to pick her up 10 minutes early and peeped through the window and could see her sat on one of the staff's knee but facing the other kids waiting for food Smile All good so far and my message is that if it doesn't feel right it probably isn't and don't be afraid to expect the best for our little treasures. Xx

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 19/02/2020 09:25

Oh wow, OP, what a great result. Well done on taking action.

sunshineandskyscrapers · 19/02/2020 14:30

That's great news. Well done. Smile

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