Need to off load before panel

[Runner31]

We were due at approval panel last month but our social worker royally messed up. She was really behind with paper work and gave us a whole load of wrong information about the process of our case. There was a lot of information that had been forgotten to be printed and put in our file and the result was the panel said they had to defer us to this month. So we put our anger to one side knowing we had to keep working with our social worker, had a meeting before Christmas to confirm we would be at panel next week and it was agreed she would be in touch on the 3rd to arrange to meet this week. So far we have heard nothing from her.
I'm so fed up of fighting social work for information or contact that I feel pretty resigned to there being another problem and next week will be cancelled as well. I don't see the point in chasing things up with our SW as we did that last time and she just gave us wrong information and kept our hopes up that the panel would be happening up until a few days before when we now know that was never going to happen.
Sorry for the moan I just wanted to off load with some people who might understand.

Oh I totally remember this horrible process as though it was yesterday, your life in their often incompetent hands, can’t remember the number of times we were told tomorrow, next week, next month like you contacted them hopes go up only to come crashing down again. It really is a hard process hang in there it’s so worth just keeping your cool. There are no time scales really as it’s all up to them so if she hasn’t contacted you she’s probably not ready but email her anyway. My little girl came home at 9 months and is now winging for a hot cross bun don’t know why as haven’t bought any 🤣 it’s all worth it in the end even when they are having a melt down just keep on her back

I can empathise with you so much. Our social worker really fucked up too. Didn't assess us properly and there were gaps in the form. We got approved at panel but the ADM disagreed and we had to do further work and go back to panel. We were so angry at the time and you do absolutely feel like your life is in someone else's hands. My son is now playing beside me but it doesn't seem that long ago that I thought we'd honestly never reach that point. Hang in there!

Our DD’s SW was just the same. So much so that at the court hearing the judge had to push back a month as she had forgotten to send BP any paperwork. I despaired. But the one quality that any adoptive parent needs is patience. Deep breaths along the way. We are 8 years in and it was all worth it.

Ours was similar - we got ours deferred the afternoon before we were due to go to panel and we were both absolutely livid. Like you say though, you’ve got to just put it to one side as you have to keep working with them, but I would be the exact opposite of you as I’d be chasing constantly to make sure everything happens rather than leaving it in their hands to potentially let it happen again.

Also, I promise you when you’re all through it and out the back of it, you won’t even think about these delays.

That sounds really frustrating.

On the positive side though I doubt it is having any long term impact, since, as you are near to panel, they are probably considering you for upcoming children anyway.

It is a frustrating process, you are right about that! The smallest things can set you back weeks, like when they tried to speak to an ex that I hadn't spoken to in 20+ years, last seen when we were both still students.
We've not had problems with our SW, just with our family finder who dropped the ball on a match. It was the first profile we ever set eyes on and were instantly in love with the little girl. She basically never followed it up, but kept telling us for months that she'd done everything she could to get hold of the girl's SW, but to no avail. I didn't trust her for various reasons and decided to call the local authority and was put through to the girl's SW within minutes(!) Unfortunately she had already been matched by then.😔
We could have said something to our social worker or the agency, but we didn't want to be seen as a 'difficult' couple and kept our mouths shut.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, work through it. As hard as it is, but do all you can so that you're not seen as problematic. Even though it's not your fault.
We have a pre-link meeting for a gorgeous little one next week so 🤞
I am sure it'll all be worth it in the end!

Oh and good luck of course! Hang in there!

Thanks every one for your responses. I feel bad saying it but it does help to know we're not the only ones facing SW incompetence. Of all the struggles with the application so far, putting our trust in the social workers and then things going wrong has been by far the hardest. Give me intrusive questions any day!
At our last meeting she said all the paper work had been submitted and we asked for an idea of questions we might face at panel or suggestions of any prep but were told she couldn't give us anything as she didn't know what they would ask. We have been reading up loads and using info on here to prep us which I think is why I'm at the point of saying I'm not going to chase her up. Another meeting with her seems pointless.

At our last meeting she said all the paper work had been submitted and we asked for an idea of questions we might face at panel or suggestions of any prep but were told she couldn't give us anything as she didn't know what they would ask.
That’s ridiculous, she will have a very good idea of the areas of your panel report that the panel are likely to focus on (I say panel report because the exact terminology differs across the four nations. You should have a copy of the report she had submitted to panel, as a general rule prepare for questions about areas that took a lot of discussion in the assessment process, so for example if there were discussions around physical or mental health issues, employment/work life balance, matching considerations etc I’d think about how I’d talk about those at panel.

This close to panel you should know the date, location of the meeting, who will chair the meeting and who’s on the panel which you need to know in advance in case they’re a conflict of interest (or I’m a CP social worker and could easily have been someone on the panel who knew me professionally). If you don’t have this, and she can’t give you it, I’d suggest she’s not submitted your report. In most local authorities I know (I’m in Scotland) panels are planned at least a month in advance (to give panel members time to read the report) and potential adopters are sent a written invitation from the chair of the panel.

Another meeting is pretty much pointless at this stage, but I would email her and her line manager for confirmation that the panel is going ahead and confirmation of arrangements which, if she’s still not done it, will alert her manager to that fact. If she still hasn’t done it, again I’d be asking in writing for confirmation of when you’ll be going to panel.

In all honesty I’d be amazed if she’ll have had time to prepare all the information and get it to panel over Christmas for a panel hearing next week, so hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I despair of my profession at times

We experienced the exact same thing during the assessment stage with our social worker and got our panel date moved a couple of times at the last minute due to administrative errors! This on top of other delays due to incompetence that delayed our process a bit. It was quite frustrating at the time. Just keep thinking that once you adopted, this will all be over and social workers out of your life!

Excuse the typos please - small phone, bug fingers and outrage don’t go well together!

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but the majority of social workers seem to be like this. The entire process is constantly delayed due to SWs being overworked, or just bloody useless! My SW was amazing, but both my children’s have been incompetent/lazy/overwhelmed resulting in sick leave or just a bit crazy! This is just the beginning of your process still. You will need to learn to hold your tongue with the ones you need, and to fight like crazy against the ones who are failing you. I think my child’s present SW intentionally ignores me when I call, his admin recognises my voice 😂 The entire process is hard, but worth it in the end!

Thanks everyone. The universe must have told her I was off loading because we now have our time for next week. @jellycatspyjamas we haven't been given a copy of any of our paper work and if I'm completley honest there were no really discussions about any potential problem areas (I'm in Scotland as well). I did ask previously about possibly conflicts with panel members but is was just dismissed. We both know people who are on adoption panels but I haven't a clue who is on this panel or chairing it so we have no idea if there will be a conflict.
We won't meet the SW now until the morning of the panel which is in the afternoon. I don't know if that's a good idea or not so I'm going to keep my faith in my his and and I staying calm under pressure and taking the panel head on and with confidence (If I say that often enough it might happen 😬).

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but the majority of social workers seem to be like this.

There are good and bad in every profession - as a social worker I think I tend to be pretty balanced about the bad but your post does no justice to the vast majority of SWs working in child protection (which is the context your child’s social worker is likely to be working).

Your have two children who are your sole focus and, if you’re like me, their needs and concerns take a huge amount of your time and attention. Your child’s SW will have around 30 children all with very high levels of need and risk, along with a process where they have one hand tied behind their back most of the time and their every decision is scrutinised and criticised by a public who have no idea what the job actually entails. The reality is, the kids in care going through the adoption process are pretty much the safest kids on their workload, the ones they need to worry about least. And only one or two of the kids in their case load will be in that position, the rest will be in direct need of protection and support, usually bumping from crisis to crisis which - if the social worker makes the wrong decision - can realistically end in death.

No, it’s not ok for workers not to get back to you, and there’s no excuse for an adoption SW not to be honest about a prospective adopter not being booked in for panel but before you write off a whole profession maybe think about the reality of their job and consider there may be very good reason why you might not be top of their priority list.

I really sympathise with the struggles folk have with social workers - who at the end of the day are the human face of a long, relentless emotionally laden process. I don’t have much time for “most social workers are shit”, because I know differently. And yes, I know I’m almost inviting a hundred variations of “let me tell you how shit my SW was”, I’m not saying there aren’t problems in the system - SWs need to navigate the same problems.

• @jellycatspyjamas we haven't been given a copy of any of our paper work and if I'm completley honest there were no really discussions about any potential problem areas (I'm in Scotland as well).* That’s appalling practice tbh, you should have a copy of your Form F - and in your shoes I’d ask her to email you a copy so you know what’s been submitted to panel. In fairness, panels really do want to approve you so if there are no areas highlighted by her, I’d not worry. If you do find yourself feeling a bit wrong footed, I’d start any response with “we discussed that with SW” make eye contact and let her fill in the blanks adding any additional comments of your own once she’s spoken (gives you thinking space).

@jellycatspyjamas thanks so much that's really helpful. I'll get in touch with her tomorrow and ask for a copy.

@jellycatspyjamas I totally agree, some SWs are amazing! Mine is completely fantastic and genuinely couldn’t do more. But my personal experience has been that others haven’t been. Like you’ve said, I suppose it’s the same in any job and I’ve just been unlucky. I’m definitely not knocking SWs, I couldn’t do their job at all!

Runner, that is shocking you have not had a copy of the form F. There is a section you have to sign and complete and you get the chance to address any accuracies. But really, you should have had this in plenty of time to iron anything out before the paperwork goes to panel, Who normally receive it a couple of weeks before. I would not be prepared to go to panel with a completed report I had not seen. You have no idea what's been said in there or how accurate it is. Call today and ask for a copy.

You do want to make sure that form is as good as it should be as this is what potential children's social workers will be looking at during the matching process.

@jellycatspyjamas
I’d just like you to know that my social workers were bloody fantastic. It takes all my strength not to hug and kiss then every time I see them. It’s important to say this because as a profession, there is so much criticism. Thank you for what you do - I’m sure you do it really well!

My son is now playing beside me but it doesn't seem that long ago that I thought we'd honestly never reach that point. Hang in there!

That's nice to hear. Hope things are starting to go well for you!

I should clarify I have seen the form and signed it but I don't have a copy. I did get in touch this morning and asked for it to be emailed so we can read over it before panel.

We were approved! Thanks so much for the nice responses and keeping me sane. The panel was actually quite nice. It was good to talk about our adoption process journey and they all seemed happy. Now we wait for the ADM decision but I can't help but get excited. When the chair gave us the decision she said it was 'highly unlikely' there would be a problem. After all the stress of our social worker she actually said our paper file was really good and thorough so I guess our social worker did her best for us although I still think a lot of the stress could have been avoided.

Congratulations! That’s excellent. Very happy for you. Now, believe it or not, the most stressful part of the process starts - the matching process. After we were approved as prospective adopters we thought we had been through the worst part, but we were so wrong. Even though the matching process was relatively quick for us (6 months) it was definitely the most stressful part. Anyway, once your future child or children move in with you it will all be worth it!