LAC review

[poppet31]

Hoping the wonderful people on this thread can give me some advice. Our son has been with us now for almost 4 months and we have our second LAC review next week when I'm assuming we will be asked to start the proceedings for the adoption order.

We do want to go ahead with this but have had a very difficult placement so far and feel we do need some support for the placement to continue. We are not really sure what we are entitled to or what we should ask for. Is there anything specific we should be requesting for him? The thing that is worrying us most is his self harm (hitting himself and head banging against hard surfaces.) He has been aggressive since day 1 towards me, much better with husband, and although we were making some progress with this, he has regressed massively over the last month.

He is only 2 years 10 months. We want to support him in any way we can but his own social worker has been useless - this is the only adoption case he has - and so I really do feel we will need to ask as they aren't going to be forthcoming with any help. Our social worker has been great and organised some theraplay for us (voluntary agency) but we're seeing little progress. Thanks.

What does your LA offer in terms of post-adoption support? If there's not a lot in-house, I think I'd be asking for them to support a referral to theraplay (both in terms of helping you find a therapist, and funding it) and perhaps an OT? My DD self harmed as a two/three year old and we had months of support from a psych specialising in attachment issues: they trained me, and I then put it into practice with DD. They wouldn't work directly with DD because they felt asking her to form yet another trust relationship (with the therapist) was too much for her, and would set back her relationship building with me. Frustrating as that was at the time, I totally see what they were getting at in hindsight!

I say OT because they can help with tools and ideas for teaching emotional regulation. This can be huge in staving off the self hurting. It can also help spot any sensory triggers.

Finally, how about getting some therapy (or as a minimum, buddying or peer support) for you written into the package? That's not unreasonable and would help strengthen your resilience to make this work. I delayed applying for the AO until I had a support plan in writing, and in fact, had started the first few sessions of theraplay training. It's fine to say something like you want to be certain you're giving LO the best chance in life by ensuring his needs are fully assessed and supported. Now that you have lived with him a little while, you've observed his challenges in XYZ and you'd like to make sure the opportunity to address those isn't missed, before moving on to your next stage as a family.

Sorry missed that you've started theraplay! It takes time, but little and often it can really help build trust. It is a slow process to un-learn the survival strategies that have got your DC this far (such as aggression) but the brain is amazing and capable of forming new pathways - slowly...

He's young, so may not be possible to figure out if there is any condition affecting the aggression yet, but hopefully it's positive that pre-Christmas it had started to decrease. Fingers crossed for you that improves again once all the seasonal triggers pass.

It’s good you’ve got theraplay ongoing. I have not used that but I’ve heard good things. How is his speech? He is really young and it could be a developmental thing exasperated by the adoption. Imagine being scared and not having the words? If there is a delay ask for speech and language. Head banging isn’t unusual in children who are not adopted if there is a delay in speech.

Also, had cahms been suggested? I hadn’t considered this but my social worker has but a referal in for us as my son can be very aggressive (age 4 in placement a year). She says they can offer different strategies but the waiting list is very long. It might be worth asking for a referal to be made. Find Out what they offer in your area.

Also, how much input had your health visitor had? My health visitor was amazing. She visited monthly to begin with and supported me around my sons issues with food. But she was also good to give a bit of perspective as she had lots of experience (don’t worry about that. Lots of kids do it. Hmmm I noticed he did this. Why not try this? Sort of support. Plus it was always good having another adult drop in for tea!) your Hv should be invited to attend.
Worth asking what’s available in your area in terms of toddler groups etc as you might find others people in your area for support.

Sorry not much help really. We had the lac after 6 weeks and it was all so new. We’ve not had another since....

Be very careful. I know someone who delayed applying for their order for the same reasons. In the end the had to get the children's commissioner for wales involved to get everything sorted then bam, pretty much as soon as the order all the promised support began to disappear.

You have written on another thread about some fairly extreme behaviours of your DH and I wondered whether you sought help with this and the outcome? You sound determined to go ahead, which is very admirable, but the behaviours of your DH and any inability to cope by either of you will be impacting upon and possibly causing some of your DC's behaviours.

My husband is coping a lot better now thanks and has never exhibited any behaviours in front of our little one. I think he really hit rock bottom and realised we couldn't go on like that. He is a fantastic dad and little one adores him. It is me our son is struggling to attach to and that makes life very difficult with me being the primary carer.

Our son has global delay so is already receiving speech and language therapy. I do hope a lot of the behaviours are relating to frustration due to the lack of speech but I worry there are some deep routed emotional problems too. Of course I would have expected this to some degree but even our very experienced social worker admits some of his behaviour is extreme.

In case it makes any difference, our son came from a local authority in England 3 hours away. We are in Scotland and adopted through a VA.

Hi @poppet31

We're in Scotland too and we're 17 months into our journey with 3 LOs. Like you the kids SW was worse than useless but ours was brilliant and continues to be a phonecall away. He's organised some brilliant training for us in challenging behaviour and understanding child development. Our very best support though is other adopters and we're lucky to have met some amazing people who are happy to share their experiences with us.

Our first few months were really tough, to the point of wanting to run away. Being honest it's still tough but we're no longer considering legging it 😁.

If you fancy a chat send me a DM. Xx

Is the placing authority (ie the English LA) responsible for post adoption support? Usually it rests with the placing authority fir 3 years and then transfers to your own local authority but sometimes local authorities will negotiate between them how that actually works in practice. It’s important in your case because Scotland don’t have a dedicated Post Adoption Support fund in the way English authorities do, if you can retain access to PAS through the placing authority I’d do that because at least funding is ring fenced.

Have you got involvement with community paediatrics? They usually coordinate all of the health concerns (including mental/emotional health and developmental delay) and can be a good source of support and assessment.

Where is the meeting being held? It’s sometimes suggested to hold it in your home, but in your shoes I’d insist on a more formal setting (local sw office should be possible) just so you don’t find yourself trying to play with and attend to little one while also contributing to the meeting.

Also bear in mind that even if many of the attendees are strangers to you, your LO may know them. Our LO associated this group of people with getting moved on. (Some had been part of original removal from BM, some had been part of move from FC to us.) She saw them and assumed she was moving again. And ofc, no-one had told us that LO would know them.