At the start of our adoption journey...

[sjns]

Hello, my first post here so a bit about me. I have been a primary teacher for 5 years and my husband has recently become a high school teacher. we have just got married and bought a house so naturally we are now thinking about starting a family. We are a same-sex couple so we are now at the very early stages of the adoption process (information evening next week, 3 day course arranged for March)

We have always imagined having a baby, so our plan is to hold out for a child under 12 months although we are aware this may cause a delay

The purpose of this thread is just to make contact with other adoptive parents and take any general advice. Although I do also have a question. Our plan is for me to go to 0.6 after a few months adoption leave but I am very nervous about asking my school for this. I’ve picked up on vibes from my head teacher that she is not fond of part timers. Would you recommend discussing this early on with my head or waiting until during adoption leave?

And any other advice for newbies

We are in the adoption process too (same sex couple), just starting stage 2.
Best of luck with it all, I think our LA do it differently as we went to info evening then had to complete stage 1 before we would be booked on the 3 day course. So far we have found it ok, we both work so I think it has helped with the waiting. My advice is to be very organised and chase them for things and get everything completed on the dates they give you as it has helped move things along for us.
From what we have heard you could be waiting a while for a baby so I would say to leave the discussion about going part time, legally they have to consider it and have good reasons to refuse your request. I'm undecided what I will do yet as it will depend on the child's needs but I probably won't speak to my employer until half way through my adoption leave.
😁

To be honest, I might make noises about thinking of changing my work pattern but not discuss what that might look like until you’re well into adoption leave. While your plan to drop hours is a good one, the reality is you just don’t know what that might actually look like. Your little one may be completely fine and able to go into childcare, or may really struggle to be separated from you/your DH, there may be ongoing LAC meetings, medical appointments etc which mean you need more flexibility or you may simply want to stay home with your new arrival. Talking about it early runs the risk of your plans feeling like they’re set in stone, so I’d keep my plans to myself.

The other thing to remember is that the adoption process isn’t predictable in the way pregnancy is - it’s wholly possible you could be negotiating with a different head teacher by the time you’re approved and placed.

Hello and welcome
I think unless you are willing to do Foster to Adopt you are unlikely to get a baby under 1, simply because of the time it takes to get through the processes which decide that adoption is the plan for a child and the court processes to free them for adoption.
You mention a few months adoption leave, most Social workers will be looking for at least 6 months, many would prefer you to take 12 months.
When to speak to your employer about plans is a difficult one. I adopted under the old system and did not have to provide an employer reference until quite late on so had the option of saying nothing for quite some time. I think under the current system the reference is required earlier on so your hand may be forced as to when you reveal your intention to adopt.
other than a dislike of part timers what is the head like generally,
is she otherwise approachable and supportive of staff personal situations? If not I think I would keep quiet for now.
On the 0.6 issue, that is quite a hard work pattern to manage - I was 0.6 until very recently, but I went back at the same time as someone else who returned from Maternity so we were able to work out a job share at just over 1 fte. When she moved it it was very hard to fill 0.4 of a job because most people want at least 0.5. We never did, so ai just ended up overloaded and have no gone up to 4 days a week. It might be worth thinking about a counter offer if she refuses.

Thanks for all your replies.

Re: the “few months” I mentioned for adoption leave, I of course will take as long as I need to. We are quite flexible and will do what’s best for the child

Ive got a good relationship with my head teacher but have seen a very cut throat side to her during a recent staff restructure. I may start to hint towards the possibility before the conversation. One things for certain, I am not going to let teaching take over my life when my child comes along.

As for if 0.6 will work, we currently have a 0.4 off on 2nd maternity so things may work out ok in terms of that, but I am open minded.

Our LA has said babies can be adopted from 8 months if we are open to waiting longer so we will try this first but will open up our age range if that doesn’t work out

I wouldn't worry too much about securing a part-time contract yet if you're only at the start. It might be years before you have your child, it was just over 3 years for us from the beginning to getting our DS even though we're an Asian/European couple in an area that has a lot of Asian/European looked after children. Your 0.4 person might be off on her 3rd or 4th maternity leave by that time you go on adoption leave and come back.

Also a teacher. I took a year which was much needed with an older child than you hope to adopt. Did return to a different role part time after a year when LO started Nursery and then full time once he started Reception. We’ve been lucky and he has coped with wraparound care, plus teaching gives the flexibility of the school holidays for lots of non working time together but I’d be cautious in thinking that you could adopt and be back at work in a Few months - especially if you hope to adopt a baby. Best of luck with it all-the process is tough but the results for us have been amazing.

Hi there. We are a same sex couple about to embark on stage 2 of the process. We have our first interview with the social worker this afternoon! I am currently a HLTA in a secondary school but a trained primary teacher. My wife is an assistant principal. I am going to hopefully take 12 months maternity leave. I'm thinking about going back part time but I'm also unsure how this would be viewed by the head teacher. She has been incredibly supportive until now but this may change! We are considering the foster to adopt scheme but we are waiting for the training sessions to make a decision - we are attending the normal adoption training and the concurrency training. I just wanted to say hello and good luck with the adoption. I also wanted to make contact with other adoptive parents and share advice/experience. It is all pretty full on so far!

Good luck to everyone on their adoption journey! We officially adopted in 2018. It took one year and a half from starting the process to our sons moving in with us. Basically stage 1 and 2 took one year for us and being matched 6 months.

We informed our managers right from the start, but we were very clear that until we were officially approved as prospective adopters nothing was confirmed (and that being matched with a child could take anything from three months to a year). However our age range was 0 to 3. You could be waiting years if you are looking for a baby. I think it would be fair to inform your employer at least when you are approved as a prospective adopter.

Initially we also wanted a baby, but during the assessment stage we changed our age range to 0 to 3 years old (and ended up adopting a 1 and 3 year old). If we were to adopt again we would definitely be looking for a 3 year old. In my opinion this is the perfect age. Some of the pros adopting a child this age include: you will have more clarity about the potential developmental issues that the child might have (which is not possible with a younger child); you will hopefully skip the terrible twos phase (which in our case was real); you will be able to better communicate with the child right from the start. This is simply based on our experience, but other people will have different experiences of course.

Thank you for your replies.

Definitely flexible in terms of how long to take off for adoption leave.

We have considered concurrency adoption and not ruled it out but may save this for our next plan of action or if we are in a position to extend our family in the future. Good to hear your experiences. We are very glad to have found others who are experiencing or have experienced this process. Will be good to keep in touch.

I think our application will be 0 to 2, maybe 0 to 3 and see how it goes. It already feels like an agonising wait and we are only a couple of weeks in and we know there’s a lot ahead.
I hate not having control over this process. Just a case of wait and see! I’m sure it will be worth it in the end

Depending on where you are based, the process could be quite long - and life often gets in the way too. It took us over 3 years from start to finish just for the assessment due to things like health problems and bereavement that we couldn’t have foreseen at the start. The key thing is the need for resilience all the way through - which tbh mirrors the need for resilience post adoption too. It’s an exciting time to have settled on adoption, I wish you every good thing.

I am a teacher also.

First, re adoption leave, I know you have clarified further up thread that you will take as long as is needed. Seriously plan for a year. It will be needed. You are entitled to a year, there will be no issues from your employer in getting it and you will need every minute of that year. Even if you get placed with quite a young baby who appears to be settling well take the year and enjoy the precious bonding time. You will not get it back and it will pay dividends down the line.

Re. Returning to work after the year. My husband and I are both teachers and we both reduced our hours so that we were working opposite ends of the week. He went to 0.5 and I returned after adoption leave to a 0.6. It works out that we just have two days in the month that our working days overlap and grandparents do those days. Other than those two days, myself or DH is at home with them. It works out brilliantly for the children who are now 4&5 (2&3) when placed. I don’t think they could cope with childcare, particularly our older son. It also gives both DH and I some much needed non-parent time were we get to be our professional selves but not having to worry about getting the kids out to childcare in the morning or worrying about how it is going there. Could you both consider something like this?

We have done it under flexible variation of contract for up to three years, giving us the option to return to full time after if we wish. I think as someone else said up thread your school would have to have very good reasons to turn you down for it. You have lots of grounds to appeal including a precedent that seems to have been set with other staff already being given part time contracts.

Good luck! We're also a same sex couple, 2 women which our social worker said isn't very common in our LA. My wife is an engineer and she just got promoted yippee! I'm taking 12 months of leave, ideally I won't be going back to work but we'll see how finances go... Maybe DW can get promoted again lol.

We're going to panel tomorrow! And a matching meeting about a child on Friday. I've found the whole process much more intense and emotional than I anticipated but it's prepared us really well, we feel ready to be parents.

I've adopted. Local authorities are likely to tell you that very difficult to get a child under 12 months. This is due to investigations the Social workers have to do on the birth parents, then court proceedings (and waiting for them) , then moving them to Foster care, and getting to know the child and finding them a good match. All of that takes time.

If you go to approval panel with an age limit of 12 months, and a 14 month old that's perfect for you pops up, you may have difficulty going ahead and may also need to redo approval panel.

Your other options is Foster to adopt but that comes with risks of child going back to birth parents. I'd honestly consider moving your upper limit to 2 years old. That's what we eventually decided on and we ended up with a 14 month old.

Unfortunately many of the children up for adoption come from awful backgrounds and we had to rule out certain children that have certain conditions that require extra support and supervision. If for example, you think you'd struggle with a child thats got severe Fetal Alcohol syndrome... That condition may not be apprrent in a 7 month old.