Experience with children

[UncleBrynsfishingtrip]

Hi,

My husband and I have recently attended an adoption information event at a local adoption agency.
All was very positive and we will be deciding in the next few months or so whether adoption is the way to build our family.
The social worker explained that we’d need to have childcare experiences with the age of the child/children we’d like to adopt.
Please can anyone who has been through this explain more.
I think we’d adopt 0-3 (not sure on exact ages). We have lots of experience between us but not so much for the youngest age group. We have 12 young nieces and nephews (so we have plenty of children to borrow/care for/help with!!) I teach in a nursery school. My husband works with children and adults.
What exactly would they be looking for to meet the range of experiences e.g overnight care? Regular contact?

Thanks xx

We adopted a 3 year old. Despite both working with children (teachers) and having loads of friends and family with small children we were asked to get additional experience with children we had no established relationship with. For us that meant approaching a neighbour who we didn’t know (we had recently moved) and asking her if we could “borrow” her children occasionally. We had them over and did arts, craft and took them on days out. Our social worker observed one of the sessions as part of our home study. But I think it depends on your social worker and what they are looking for!

Thank you for this. Yeah I totally see why they need to see this.
We were thinking of ‘looking after’ young nieces and nephew as they are under three. Maybe get involved with bedtime routine, feeding, stories, tantrums!
I will talk to social worker about maybe doing this with a child outside of our family too or as well as.

Thank you x

We looked after nephews (older than we ended up adopting) and I helped out at Brownies a handful of times.

Truthfully, the purpose it served was that it gave our SW the ability to write in her report that we had experience with children. That was all, but that was all it needed to be.

We too had lots of childcare experience (had nieces and nephew overnight from babies etc so used to nappies and so on). Our SW was keen for us to get experience of children we didn't know too. We were initially surprised (and I must admit a bit reluctant!). Both work full time in different locations and I don't drive so logistically it was tricky.

We were lucky enough to find a local group on a Saturday specifically for 'looked after' or previously looked after children of all ages. This was run by Bernardos so may be worth seeing if similar in your area. It's been so rewarding that we still volunteer there 2 years later despite having a glowing reference from them ages ago.

We also hope to take our own children (start introductions next month!!!) as we have made good friends there as well as making us very attractive to both adoption and matching panel. We could evidence that we understood the longer term effects of early life trauma and loss as we were dealing with young people up to 17 years old (though we are adopting siblings aged 1 and 2).

Also worth checking with local nurseries/children's centres and libraries. Good luck if you decide to go ahead

I tend to think no matter how much practice you have, it's very different with your own.

I think the amount of experience you have would be fine for most agencies, but a bit of token baby care would look good for the report.

Thank you guys. We have a few local toddler groups and library sessions. Ooooh children’s centre might be worth a try as they have lots going on.

Your local authority may run an adoption playgroup you could help at
Although it sounds like you do have the childcare experience needed already. It's how you dress it up
Have you ever been asked to babysit in an emergency?
Dealt with a sick or hurt child?
Changed a nappy
Helped childproof a living room (ie stick a corner protector on or something)
Comforted a distressed child
That's the stuff they want and I bet you can fill in those everyday experiences.
Show them you can switch off being the teacher and be the carer I'm sure you have lots of experience if using personal and professional skills

These may be of use and informative of After Care support often recruit volunteer's, as you have child care experience think you will be well placed www.pac-uk.org

I don't think we would have been placed with children if I hadn't done the experience I did.
I helped one morning a week at a pre-school and one afternoon a week at an after school club from time we started homestudy all the way to matching panel.
It was invaluable to me when placed (with 2.5 & 8yo) as without it I wouldn't have known what level to interact with them, and I would have been totally stuck for activities to do!

But this is 12+ years ago now and they didn't expect me to borrow random children for overnights!

Why do they make it so hard to adopt? Honestly it baffles me. I understand having experience with children, but if that's what you do for a job and you have nieces and nephews who you babysit, why do you also need to borrow a strangers kids? Ridiculous.

If I hadn't done the experience I did, I would have been all at sea when placed. DD1 needed a Mum who could demonstrate she knew what she was doing, both with her, and her younger sibling. I couldn't 'learn on the job' too much.

Though I agree, borrowing random kids for overnights is a bit extreme. We weren't asked to do that. I think very few parents would be happy with their child staying over at an inexperienced adult's house 'just because'.

Hello. We adopted a 1 and 3 year old. During the assessment stage we were also told we should get more childcare experience. Initially we contacted several schools, nurseries and local groups, but unfortunately none could offer us volunteering opportunities. Eventually we found a charity in London that provides recreational support to children with special needs and they offer 1-to-1 sessions with children each Sunday which we could do as a couple. So basically we volunteered for a couple of hours each Sunday for 5 months. This has enabled us to obtain more experience with children with complex needs and we learnt many strategies that are transferable to adopted children as a result. :) The adoption panel thought this was a really valuable experience.

The name of the charity is KEEN and their website is: www.keenlondon.org/

If you’re not in London perhaps you can find a similar charity in your area.

Great thank you everyone.
Really useful info @JohnPA - thanks.

I had a lot of experience with children of all ages over a 30 year period and a birth child, and they asked about child experience.

I think it can be useful to the prospective adoptive parents, gives social worker something to write about, shows you are willing, and shows you have the capacity to care for a child who is not already a relative.

It may also contribute to your building a network of support as other parents/carers from the group can become friends.

If you work full time it may be worth exploring toddler groups close to your work.

Your work might allow you limited time off for community work (mine does) and the benefit of close to work is that you can pop out for an hour is two (take it as a lunch break) where as driving back from work to home (or worse bussing/training it) may not be practical.

Ambrose I think sometimes adopting can seem as if you have to jump through hoops.

I don't know what your experience has been and certainly the OP has lots of exisiting experience.

Our experience was not that it was hard but a willingness to do what they ask makes it smoother.

DH volunteered with a group for adults and children utterly out of age range but they accepted it!

The thing about it being random kids (as in not ones you already know or are related to) IMHO is that when your new child arrives they will be a stranger.

They will not have a preexisting relationship with you or your relatives, they will not look like you or your relatives (although spookily sometimes adopted children do sometimes look like the people they are adopted by - to the onlooker!).

And I do think it shows a measure of the willingness adopters have to take on challenges outside their comfort zone (outside existing family) which does help the application to adopt.

It’s really interesting how things are different across agencies and areas. There was no suggestion at all that DH and I get experience of children, our existing relationships with nephews and nieces was considered enough. In all honesty I’d probably have explored what SW were hoping to gain from me volunteering to work with random children for a period of time - the process is intrusive and intensive enough and the kind of involvement with children described here doesn’t reflect how you might be as a parent.

I know accepted wisdom is to just get through it, but in terms of what it evidences, I’d want a clear understanding of where the SW thought the gaps where and why they mattered before committing myself to voluntary work or borrowing someone else’s child.

I don't think you will have a problem based on what you've said. We've just been approved and started out with minimal childcare experience, we borrowed our friends' babies and were expecting to be grilled about it during panel but it didn't come up! I think if you can show you're being proactive, getting as much experience as possible, you'll be okay. Something our SW said is that we might need experience with older children too, that didn't come up but something to keep in mind.

My husband and I both work with children with varying needs and that along with our nephew was fine for our social worker. It's such a long and stressful process, like @jellycatspyjamas I would have to question what they were hoping to achieve by you getting more experience than you already have.

It really does vary. We had minimal experience. Our DN lives a way away. I had changed one nappy in my life. We weren’t asked for any additional experience. We did however choose to spend a day at a local PRU to gain some insight into potential behavioural issues in older children. But then we ended up with a baby.