Hi. Congratulations on getting this far! Your lives are about to change! :) Things that we bought before our children moved in with us include:
-Buggy
-Car seats
-Nappies
-Wipes
-Lot’s of tissues to keep around the house
-Nappy changing bag
-Carpol, neurofen, plasters, antibacterial hand gel
-Kids toothbrushes and toothpaste
-Kids shampoo/shower gel
-Potty and toilet training ladder (as we adopted a 1 and 3 year old)
-Stair gates
-Furniture corner protectors
-Covers for electrical sockets
-Vitamins for children
-Waterproof mattress protectors and two sets of sheets and bed covers for each child
-Children’s drink bottles (we bought CamelBak ones which don’t drip)
-Small night/presence light
-Some toys, markers and books/paper to draw on
-Kids pijamas
-Kids scarf, gloves and beanie hat
-Kids bowls, plates, cutlery and drinking glasses
-Kids sleepers to wear at home
Overall we found matching panel much easier than the prospective adopters panel, although we were a lot more nervous. However, panel members were really friendly and supportive. Questions we got asked included:
-Why these children?
-How do you think your daily routines are going to change?
-What will you do if you find that you need advice and support?
-What are your adoption leave plans?
The panel members also wanted to see our introductions book and video, although they knew we had brought it in with us.
In terms of introductions we didn’t have the most receptive foster carers. Our children’s foster carers were not very supportive of the adoption and were very protective of the children (this was their first experience fostering and they had the children for a while, so it was all quite emotional for them). As a result we found that we spent most of time just playing with the kids and observing their foster carers’ routines. We didn’t really manage to take part in the routines, however this obviously all changed when the children moved in with us. There are a lot of things that we do differently to the foster carers, but during introductions we simply observed them.
Some key temporary issues we experienced once the children moved in with us included:
-Lot’s of attention required from us to help them settle at night.
-Lot’s of waking up in the middle of the night crying and needing to be settled several times again at night.
-Being a bit fussy with the food we prepared for a couple of weeks (the foster carers had a very different diet/cuisine to ours).
-Not wanting to drink water (as they only drank juice at the foster carers house), so we had to slowly get them used to drinking a good amount of water throughout the day.
-Expressing preference fiercely for one of us and wanting one of us to do certain things instead of the other (e.g. bathing, changing nappies, settling at night, holding hands when outside).
In terms of top tips:
-Take lots of photos during introductions as it will all be over quite quickly and you will want to remember this special moment.
-You have an idea about the type of parent you want to be and how you will react to certain things. However, you will find that not everything works out as you planned. Don’t be too hard on yourself. As with any new parent, you will make some mistakes and you will not always react the best way to issues. It’s all a learning process so you will slowly learn and adjust your reactions depending on what works and what doesn’t work with your child. Don’t aim for being the perfect parent, but for being a good parent who is flexible and willing to learn and change your ways.
-As you are aware adopted children can obviously be more complicated to raise than biological children. However, you will find that many of the issues that you will face are issues that parents with biological children also face. It’s important that, although you are aware of the trauma that your child has endured and you will seek ways to support your child, you also treat them with a sense of normality. Lots of praise is important and highlighting how strong and resilient they are. But setting boundaries is also important and being consistent with those boundaries.
Anyway, best wishes and let us know how it all goes! :)