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Adoption

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Original poster

Foster carers

25 replies

Emily79 · 20/08/2007 19:02

I'm new to this site. I'm currently being assessed to become a foster carer, and should hopefully be approved mid October this year.

I was hoping to 'meet' other foster carers for support, advice, general chatter... be great if there's anyone out there

OP posts:

MamaG · 20/08/2007 19:03

Look out for Flower3554, she has now been fostering for 20 years! Best of luck

KristinaM · 20/08/2007 22:07

hi emily, welcome to mumsnet. i used to foster some years ago

are you with a local authority or an independent agency? What age group are you hoping to foster? Do you already have kids and how do they feel about it?

Original poster

Emily79 · 20/08/2007 22:43

Thanks MamaG

Hi Kristina I'm with an independent agency in Essex. I have a 14 month old daughter so she doesn't really get a say in it all but she loves to be around older kids - I'm hoping to foster children of primary school age (I think the age difference is important, and this way my dd would still get one on one attention whilst the child/ren are at school). I'd like to have a long term placement and if I do, my preference would be for a sibling pair of dual heritage. However, I'm also open to short term fostering.

How long did you foster for? What ages? What made you decide to stop? Do you know whether the type of fostering you do (ie long or short term) is something that the panel have final say on? Looking forward to your reply

OP posts:

KristinaM · 22/08/2007 23:48

sorry, i've not been around for a couple of days

i used to work for a voluntary agency, i wouldnt touch my LA with a bargepole ( but they are one of teh worst in teh country). i had mostly 5-10 years olds.

i think you need to be suer yourself whether you want to do short or long term. Long term with my agency was basically permanment, short term was mostly respite, often for children who were with other agency carers.i believe that short term in some places can be several years - i would find it hard to have a child for 3-4 years then let them go.

I gave up for a number of reasons but the main one was the risk to my younger DD who was only a toddler

Original poster

Emily79 · 23/08/2007 14:11

Thanks for the reply It's interesting (and slightly worrying) that you gave up partly because of the risk to your dd. That is one of the few concerns I have with becoming a foster carer.

Long and short term fostering are both appealing to me in different ways, but I think my ideal situation would be to long term foster - I like the idea of permanency and as my dd is an only child, and I am one of many, I would like her to grow up with brothers and sisters. It's unlikely I will have other children (any time soon, anyway) but I would like to have a bigger family.

As you said, I think it would be hard to see a child or children leave after a few years with us, and I worry that this could also affect my dd.

If there aren't any suitable long term matches when I am approved, or the panel decide I should short term foster to begin with (something my agency said may happen), then I would be happy to do so. But I do feel long term would suit us better.

It's also interesting what you said about your LA - I approached mine first but they were so slow to begin anything, and then told me they couldn't proceed unless I moved house, that I decided to find an independent agency. That has worked well, and I had my homestudy completed in just over a month, and the whole process - first phone call to panel - will have taken 4 months. You said yours is one of the worst in the country - is there a way of comparing (like a league table for LAs?) and can I ask where you live?

OP posts:

KristinaM · 23/08/2007 21:47

I guess if you and your DH/DP are both around full time for the foster kids , it will be much easier for you to ensure that your Dd is safe. it was different for me as i was then a single parent and was also working part time. it also means you will have someone to look after your Dd when you are at meetings - there are a surprising number of them

Original poster

Emily79 · 23/08/2007 22:10

Something I forgot to say... I'm also a single parent - but I'll be fostering full time and not working.

No one has said anything to me about my dd not being present for meetings so I just assumed that it would be ok for her to be there...?

OP posts:

ChorusLine · 23/08/2007 22:19

Hi Emily - I am a single parent also and wanted to start fostering (Flower gave me lots of advice) I went to LA (Leeds) and they said they would not touch me until DS is 4.5 (he is currently 21 months) then when process complete he would be at school age so I can concentrate on placement more.

I went to a private agency and they said that they wanted be to have a drivers licence first as their meetings (lots like Kristina said) as in another part of Yorkshire. They also said for contact visits as well. I have just applied for my provisional so hopefully can start application towards the back end of the year.

Good Luck x

Original poster

Emily79 · 23/08/2007 22:40

Good luck to you too ChorusLine I hope the driving goes well and you get to start the assessment process soon.

There were many agencies that told me to wait until my dd was older (most said 18months or 2years), only two accepted me as we are now and I chose the one that I was more comfortable with. They do seem a little laid back sometimes so I hope I made the right choice!

I have a blog at becomingafosterfamily.blogspot.com/ that you might be interested in as you'll be going through similar shortly

OP posts:

KristinaM · 24/08/2007 10:24

re meetings - i suppose it depends of what they are and how well behaved your toddler is

If you have two Fcs you coudl have loads of meetinsg and appointments - reviews, educational pychologists, school, Gp, hospital, optician/ orthodontists/dentists, therapists etc.As well as contact vistis of course and Sw visits (yours and theirs).Most of these will be during the school day so you will be back and forward a lot. Obviously it will help if the FCs are in the same school as each other and that school is near you, buts thats not very likely.

you will be surprised at how many siblings have been seperated in different placements or because they came into care at different times.so they are often in different schools. If you are taking them permanently then this woudl be looked at but obviouly not for short term.

Flower3554 · 28/08/2007 16:16

Hi Emily, sorry only just seen your thread. Any help, advice I can give please feel free to cat me.

AufishFeQueen · 10/09/2007 13:53

Hi, I am a mum of 4 kids who is seriously considering fostering. I was a foster child myself and from a very early age I have wanted to foster. How do you start with the process of becoming a foster parent and do you really need a driver's licence? Have loads of other questions but will wait for these ones to be answered first. Sorry for the hijjack by the way!

Flower3554 · 10/09/2007 17:37

Hi Aufish. I started when my youngest was ready to start nursery. I rang my local social services and they sent a social worker out to see us.

She talked to us for an hour or so and said she'd be happy to put us forward for assessment and training.

This took about 6-7 months and we were finally approved after this.

We've been foster carers for 20 years now and neither of us drives!!!

AufishFeQueen · 10/09/2007 18:22

Thanks Flower for the answers, I got told that the process was really long and difficult to be approved. What is the process of becoming a foster parent and what kind of thing do the social workers need to know? Sorry more questions!

Flower3554 · 10/09/2007 18:37

It's so long ago lol and I'm sure the process has changed since we began.

When our assessment began it was mainly discussing how our family worked, ie did we have time and space and commitment to other children. How did our own kids feel about us becoming foster carers, they do actually talk to the children without parents being present.

They also talked to Dh on his own as well as me alone.

They look around your home and ask about what age group you would prefer and how many children you'd like to foster.

They arrange police checks and medicals and you will usually be asked to attend training sessions, not sure how many.

Hope this helps a little, please don't worry about asking questions, I wish I'd known a foster carer when we were starting out.

chickenmama · 12/09/2007 09:32

Hi Aufish - I started a blog for this reason it's www.becomingafosterfamily.com - I've detailed the process so far and should answer some of your questions.

Hope it helps and please let me know if you need any more advice

chickenmama · 12/09/2007 09:33

Ok, oooops, my brain isn't working yet, the correct link is:

becomingafosterfamily.blogspot.com/

nappyaddict · 27/09/2007 14:10

do you need any qualifications in childcare to be a foster carer. what are the training courses you have to go on?

Flower3554 · 27/09/2007 14:19

You dont need qualifications but there are loads of courses you can go on. First aid, managing difficult behaviour etc etc

nappyaddict · 27/09/2007 14:35

so if you go to a college open day and look at the childcare nvq courses and you say you are looking to be a foster carer and they say you need it they are conning you?

Flower3554 · 27/09/2007 14:46

I think so. Our local authority like you to do NVQ's but they don't insist on them.

Mind you I've been a foster mum for years and loads of things have changed since I started.

As we don't get a wage I was under the impression that you choose what you want to do or don't do IYSWIM

nappyaddict · 27/09/2007 16:15

do you have to pay to do the training courses?

Flower3554 · 27/09/2007 17:29

No, our fostering unit organises them and pays if they do special ones like first aid.

Hope123 · 19/12/2007 19:45

My husband and I have just started fostering and it's going really well.Would be happy to chat with other carers.

We have a 2 year old daughter and have a baby girl in placement at the moment.It is really tiring and it does change your life in a big way but it is hugely rewarding.I have found the hardest thing to cope with is the complete lack of interest from birth family.We hope to make the little ones first Christmas really special and provide lots of photo's and keepsakes for her to have when she moves on so that she knows that she was very much loved in her first year of life.

Getting attached is a big concern,especially for my daughter who has really taken to having a baby to fuss over.

makingnosense · 27/12/2007 18:45

I've been a foster carer for 10 odd years now. I have worked for the LA and now work for an independent agency. I would never work for the LA again. All peoples experiences are different but we were treated quite poorly, and once we worked for an agency we realised the world of a difference there is between them. We are encouraged to train as much as possible;are treated as professional people; respected; have support available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; and have paid holidays. We have 2 permanent placements, one has been with us 5 years and the other nearly 4 years.

Fostering is a very hard but rewarding thing to do. I just think until you do it you dont realise how it wilL affect every walk of your life. Our placements are very challenging but rewarding. Every little bit of progress you make with them makes you feel like its a job well done.

I would say go into fostering with your eyes wide open, accepting that there are some difficult times ahead, not being afraid to say when you're not coping and view it as a completely enriching experience. You are giving a child the chance of living in a family environment and living a relatively 'normal' life. There aren't many jobs out there more fulfilling than that.

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