Feel like I’m going backwards with feelings

[user1471555041]

We are 10 weeks into placement with a 1 year old AS, we already have a AD 3.5 and BS 18. I’m really struggling and feel like my feelings are going backwards. AS has been poorly since placement, ear infection and more recently hand foot and mouth. Sleep is difficult, he goes down well but is awake by 2am and won’t settle again until about 5am. He quite often wakes our AD so both of them are then awake. He then wants to nap a lot of the day which restricts being able to have any kind of normality and I feel isolated. I’m so tired emotionally and physically I’m struggling with attaching to him and my parenting of my other children is now suffering too, I’m not the fun energetic parent I was but a tired more stressed mum. Not really sure why I’m posting just need to vent.

It's very early days. I'd be quite surprised if you were very attached already or had a sort of normally yet.

Ate you adopting with a partner, are the supportive?

Can you ask for any post adoption support?

You are an experienced parent so I'm sure you will be able to over come the difficulties of these early days.

Please look after yourself and make some 'me' time.

My LO wouldn't go back to sleep after around 3 when she first came home at the same age. I bought a cot side for our bed and brought her in with me in the end. Also made sure we got up at the same time every day. Naps were the hardest to sort out. She was the opposite and wouldn't nap. She'd wake up around 11 and then again at 4/5 without fail. It took me weeks to work out why and it was 2 years before I had it confirmed. Before coming to us she'd shared a room with her foster carers. FC mum went to bed around 11 and did one last check of her and FC dad got up for work early. She was waking because these things were no longer happening. It was part of a long conversation we had when we met up 2 years later.

If you're able, I would advise asking them about specific things that happened during the night and how they dealt with them.

I also used to give her a small amount of milk in a baby bottle to help soothe her and a cuddle.

Are you a single parent? It’s so hard when you are up in the night and then have to do it all day every day without a break, been there and completely understand.
Be kind to yourself, don’t put any expectations on yourself and take one day at a time.

I do have a husband, he commutes and leaves the house early and isn’t back until after 7. AD is currently sleeping with us in our bed as she needs to feel us next to her, otherwise I would bring him in with us.
This morning wasn’t so bad, 4.30am so more manageable and I feel more human today.
Interestingly the fc daughter used to go work in the middle of the night so maybe he is used to being awake at that time.
Thank you for all the advice