If you were not approved for adoption...

[bigheadbunny]

What were the reasons you were given?

I want to adopt but I have a couple of years before I will be a position to start the process and I want to use that time to make sure I'm as ready as possible.

Bump

I think its actually very few people who are not approved once they get to panel. Its more a case of people being asked to work on certain things to ensure that they are fully prepared and do get approved,

Am I right in assuming you are a single adopter? I'm a single adopter - there are lots of us about, Things you need to think about are, in no particular order of importance

• finances, can you actually afford a child? What would happen if you couldnt work full time, or even work at all
• adoption leave, can you afford to take a significant amount of leave, potentially up to a year
• child care, costs can be crippling, it may influence the age of the child you want to adopt
• work/job - is it family friendly, flexible working, can you go part time? do you have to commute -'how would you manage school
• support network - what support do you have, think about practical and emotional support.

home- do you have space, is your home in reasonable condition, you probably won't have the time, money or inclination for DIY once you have a child.

• do your research - attachment, FAS, developmental trauma to start you off

-'do you know the age group you want to adopt

• know your limitations, be clear about what you can and can't cope with
• childcare experience - get started, preferably with the age group you hope to adopt and children with additional needs in you can
• health issues - smoking is a definite no. SWs vary widely in their attitudes towards high BMIs, if you need to lose weight do it now. Long term health conditions or disabilities do not prevent you from adopting but you would need to show how you would cope with a child as well

We were not accepted prior to adopting number 6 of which 2 had sadly died (they were placed with short life expectancy) Shortly after daughter died I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After mastectomy we felt we could offer a complex needs child a loving home, we identified a little boy and after long chats with SW we went ahead, sadly we were rejected by our agency. However the placing authority felt differently and after speaking to medics went ahead. Our beautiful boy was placed with us age 3 but sadly died age13. We have subsequently adopted 2 more and 25 years later I am still here! Just keep trying and good luck x

We were rejected first time around, but to be honest, it was more to do with paperwork for us than it was to do with our preparation. Our social worker had not completed our report thoroughly enough. The best prep you could do would be to research the kind of children who are in the care system, the kind of needs and backgrounds they would have etc. No one can really prepare you properly but certainly having realistic expectations will help.

Thanks, you've all been really helpful and quite reassuring.

My main concerns are I'm fairly young as well as single, if all goes to plan I hope to apply when I'm 23.
Also that although my family are emotionally very supportive they live about an hours drive away and would likely be unable to offer any practical support even if I moved closer (which may be an option. I'm happy with this but I'm not sure if an adoption panel would be.

I have spent a lot of time looking after my nephews and niece, one of whom has special needs, over the past 5 years and I have done some youth work with older children, but not in about 2 years.

What other ways could I get childcare experience?

I want to adopt in the toddler or early primary school age group so around 1-7 years old and ideally I would like to adopt siblings.

Your support does not have to be just family. Mine are 120 miles away and whilst they are doting grandparents they aren't much good for impromptu babysitting. You do need to think about practical support though, who would you call in an emergency, what would you do if you fell over and broke your leg, or rather less dramatically just had a really heavy cold. Who could do a shop for you, take the child off your hands for a few hours, cook a meal? How would you cover school holidays ? Think about friends, neighbours, work colleagues.
You are quite young in adoption world. I was 43 when I applied and I was still grilled about why I wasn't pursuing options to have a birth child, what my intentions were about relationships. So be prepared to face questions about why you arent off on holidays, looking for a partner, building a career instead of tying yourself down with a child

I want to adopt in the toddler or early primary school age group so around 1-7 years old and ideally I would like to adopt siblings.

If you’re thinking about siblings as a single adopter I’d advise you to really think about your practical support network, eg who can collect one child from school while you attend a meeting for the other, who would care for them both if you had a medical or dental appointment etc. I’m married but these are the things I got caught out by in the early days - the big stuff I had planned for, but having someone who could lick the kids up at short notice when I got stuck in traffic was a bit of a nightmare.