Adoption leave ending & no further forward

[MellowYellow0]

I wondered if anyone else has found themselves in the same position as I am...? My year adoption leave will soon be coming to an end and I will be returning to work 3 days a week. It looks like we’ll be well into 2020 before we get any further forward legally. There has been so many delays from social work and now from solicitors, but my main concern is how I manage to get back to work, look after children and deal with social work meetings, solicitor meetings and the daily roller coaster that is the adoption process. I’m very lucky to have a very understanding boss, but just beginning to feel slightly stressed about having to juggle everything. The past year has been a constant struggle to get updates from social work, new workers taking on the case and now the case has been passed onto a 3rd solicitor. I’m absolutely exhausted and wonder what it must be like to be off on leave without this stress of the process and just have the uninterrupted time with the children.
Thanks in advance xx

To clarify: You have had the children placed for a year but don't yet have an AO?

It's hard to comment without more info: How long ago did you apply for the AO? Are you in Englandandwales? What is causing the delays to the court process?

On the practical side: approximately how old are your children and do they have any additional needs?

Can I assume you are in Scotland if you are involved with a solicitor? I suggest you make it very clear to social workers that you will only be doing meetings on the two days a week that you are off and even then these need to be kept to a minimum so as not to disrupt the time you have with the child/ren.

The system at times can be slow and frustrating and it requires the patience of a saint. As don said if you can tell us what country within the uk you are in we can advise a little more specifically.

They were placed with us a year ago, now 3 years old, based in Scotland and our status is still fostering to adopt. We were made to believe this was going to be a relatively short process however birth Mum is fighting to reestablish contact and various issues with social work has arisen along the way. We seem to be very far from the adoption order and now with a new 3rd solicitor taking over the case from the council a new date for the proof hearing will be requested.

All four regions do have different legalities and processes. I am not totally familiar with Scotland but it is not totally dis-similar to Northern Ireland. If you are still officially fostering are you still getting paid a fostering allowance. If so then you could be entitled to claim your childcare costs. I know in Northern Ireland child care costs are covered by the local authority when you are officially fostering. I know that does not help you in terms of logistics but may be worth pursuing anyway. Also you could talk to the local authority/trust about getting an additional fostering allowance to allow you to extend your leave from work. This is something that I know of being done in other areas. Just throwing ideas out that may be of benefit.

our status is still fostering to adopt

Ah, that's why still so much SW oversight. Sounds awful.

I agree with pink about being very firm with SWs around what times suit you (and, to the extent you can, with solicitors as well).

I would personally have abandoned the patience of a saint approach by now and swapped to velvet coated rottweiler.

About 5 months in and after various screw ups we just started treating the SWs like anyone else not doing their job: forensic questioning, firm timescales and then lots of chasing when they didn't do it. That and an informal complaint worked much better than previous pussyfooting.

Stay polite (even falsely warm), do it all in writing and keep mentioning the needs of the children as the reason for pushing.

All this fades once the AO is through. It's all worth it.

Thanks for the great advice. We don’t get any fostering allowance for the children as I’ve been paid 6 months full pay adoption leave from work and am currently on statutory pay along with holidays accumulated. I am entitled to another 3 months off with no pay so I will mention this to my new SW to find out if an allowance is possible. Thanks again x

Thanks donquixotedelamancha, Our patience ran out with SW even before the children were placed with us. We waited an agonising 10 months from matching to placement due to missed deadlines, issues with incorrect information given to Children’s Hearing Panel from SW...... We’ve complained numerous times, written emails to various people including to the gov minister for Children and Young People. We seem to be ignored everywhere we turn. It’s been a very lonely and frustrating experience. The children are absolutely wonderful and have brought so much joy to our world although I can’t help but feel no adopters should be put through what we’ve gone through. I’m usually told by SW this is quite normal and the children’s new SW has said to us on many occasions -“If you think you’re situation is difficult you should experience my job!” I could go on and on and on but thankfully I have a great family & friends who are willing to listen to my worries and moans x

Mellowyellow obviously I am not aware of legislation in Scotland but in the rest of the UK if you are doing foster to adopt (and the child is not freed for adoption or have a placement order) adopters are paid fostering allowance on top of their adoption pay (whether that is a generous enhanced pay or statutory). Remember the money is coming from a different pot. Your adoption pay is coming from your employer but fostering allowance is coming from the local authority. It seems to me that placing children with adopters, while they are still technically being fostered, is a cheap way out of paying fostering allowance. I would question this perhaps with adoption uk in Scotland.

Thank you Thepinklady77!! A fostering allowance??? No one has ever mentioned this to us. I have phoned adoption UK and will be speaking with someone on Monday who will hopefully be able to help. I’m exhausted with frustration of the system and the lack of support for SW so hopefully someone at Adoption UK can advise.
Thanks again! Xx

A couple of things (I’m in Scotland and know the system fairly well)

• why has the case gone through so many solicitors? There’s a firm used by many local authorities who really know their stuff, worth asking why the case isn’t with them (assuming it’s not)

• in terms of finances, go back to the placing authority and request an adoption allowance. You’re entitled to be considered on the basis of adopting more than one child (siblings?) and their birth mum contesting it would count as hard to place. Quote statutory guidance if need be. You may find adoption allowance is enough to help you take the remaining 3 months unpaid leave or at least reduce your hours/take time off for meetings
• the legal process in Scotland can be lengthy because both freeing for adoption (eg permanence order) and adoption order are often done at the same hearing and parents can contest the permanence order. They can contest the adoption order too but that’s more of a formality
• have you contacted the Children’s Commissioner? They have a duty to support children’s rights and have a complaints process for looked after children where things have gone wrong - they’re very good in my experience
• in terms of meetings, agree with SW that meetings happen on your days off. Don’t allow them to have meetings in your home, if the children are at school or nursery meetings can usually be held there and school/nursery often help with childcare.

Where a permanence order hasn’t been agreed, it’s not at all unusual for the legal process to take a very long time - 18 months to 2 years isn’t unusual (compared to our situation where the permanence order was already in place and the adoption order in place 4 months later). Most children are placed in a “foster to adopt” type placement which is different to Foster to Adopt elsewhere in the uk where mainly babies are placed on the off chance that birth mum might get things together enough to parent her little one. Given that, the chances of appeal being successful are very slim indeed but the process still needs to be gone through.

It’s stressful for you though, feel free to drop me a message if I can help any.