Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Things are looking really good!!!!!

54 replies

lijaco15 · 14/08/2007 22:50

I posted previously very gloomily regarding our little Grandson. I am very pleased to say that our assessment is positive and our contact is now taking place at home. We are moving forward to unsupervised contact with a view to our little Grandson moving in with us in the very near future. We are so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

CarGirl · 14/08/2007 22:51

Read your threads regularly - so glad it's all improving

Peachy · 14/08/2007 22:59

Been following your threads too, your little Grandson is a lucky boy.

CamperShoes · 14/08/2007 23:27

That sounds so promising. I'm sat here smiling - it is good when something comes right.

KristinaM · 15/08/2007 01:04

looseleaf · 18/08/2007 09:19

I'm so thrilled to read your news!! - sorry to only just spot your update but just had to say this is fabulous. hooray!

Hulababy · 18/08/2007 09:28

That sounds great.

Saturn74 · 18/08/2007 09:32

I've been following your threads too.
This is excellent news, and I hope you'll all be together permanently very soon.

Kewcumber · 18/08/2007 19:42

thats fantastic - I hope everything continues to go well.

Original poster

lijaco15 · 31/08/2007 16:56

Just to say that we now have unsupervised contact. Things are moving quickly and it is expected to go to panel in October so that we can be full time carers. One thing though I am finding foster carer unfriendly like. It is difficult to make conversation. We have a communications book to fill in for e.g. last feed, any problems etc. I am finding instructions left instead of information to do? Also when baby first was placed with Mother at the foster carers, she allowed us to go and see baby before any supervision was put in place. Now when talking about it she is saying don't tell s.s. as I shouldn't have done that and they will move baby. This only happened once though. Just feel that I am hiding a fact that should be known as we were totally unaware! S.S has told me to be very involved with injections developmental assessments by going with foster carer but I find it so unwelcome. What would you do?

OP posts:

Original poster

lijaco15 · 31/08/2007 16:57

I mean instead of information of where baby is up to. If that makes sense!

OP posts:

hifi · 31/08/2007 17:47

play the game with foster carer, you wont see her again soon, had lots of dealings, most unpleasant,put a brave face on for now.so excited for you. hopefully you will have a lovely christmas!

hifi · 31/08/2007 17:49

stay positive with foster carer, they do make comments although i dont think they are taken into account. we had one who was closly supervising the bathing of our dd and said she could tell we hadnt had much contact with babys! little did she know.

hifi · 31/08/2007 17:50

me again, try and take the lead in doctors appointments etc, hes your grandson. dont let them intimidate you.

HonoriaGlossop · 31/08/2007 18:05

lijaco, good luck with it

With regard to the foster carer saying not to share what she did re contact with SS, I really think she is trying to make you collude with her. OK it wasn't the worst crime of the century, but she shouldn't have done it; and with some families in certain situations, it could have had dire consequences. I think SS need to know. It's a training issue for her; she needs to have it explained again, what the risks for some families could be by doing that sort of thing.

SS will NOT move the baby, she's scaremongering there. SS would assess whether it was an issue worth giving the baby any disruption for; they are looking at the best interests of the baby, not for how to 'punish' the carer.

As a SW myself I would have welcomed the chance to know about this so it could be gone over with the carer in the interests of protecting any future kids in her care. And I would have known that the person telling me was prioritising children's needs, IYSWIM.

HonoriaGlossop · 31/08/2007 18:06

oh and yes, you should pursue going to appts etc. And again, let SS know how off putting the Foster Carer has been about it. It's part of her job to facilitate this - that's what she is being paid for, and once again, it's in the best interests of the child.

The FC obviously needs some further training, etc.

Original poster

lijaco15 · 01/09/2007 09:29

Thank you for your advice it is reassuring. The foster carer is a mature lady that has owned and run her own private day nursery. They are very financially well off. I just find her very opinionated in a kind of nice way. She will put her opinions over in conversation. I have had 4 children and I don't feel confident when she is around. s.s. have been brilliant but I feel that foster carer seems put out. I can understand that she has probably become attatched to baby. When she let us see baby it was when baby was only a few days old and we didn't know plans and rules set by s.s. Just felt very guilty when leaving her house because she said "this never happened". In the house she was very chatty friendly she chatted that she had sold her house and was moving. About schools, children etc. Now she is difficult to talk to and I cannot believe that it is the same person. My other half asked her recently about her move and she quickly put him in check that he should not no about it and not to mention it to s.s. ? Just feel we are in a difficult situation now.

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 01/09/2007 10:42

but I don't think it need be that difficult Lij. You'll not see this carer ever again when GS is placed with you! You just need to prioritise his needs and the needs of any future children placed with her.

If she's that experienced with kids and has run a nursery she should simply know better than to do things like that with the contact.

SS need to know.

Original poster

lijaco15 · 02/09/2007 19:38

ok thanks i will do.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 02/09/2007 21:03

hi lijaco, glad to hear its going so well

re telling SS about the contact visit - personally i wouldn't. I know they shouldnt move baby to punish FC but it HAS been done before. Esp if she is giving up fostering or moving out the area and SS are PO with her. Anyway it will just make her more nasty to you

i know she is awkward but i woudl just go along with her now and bite your tongue when she is patronising, tells you what to do etc. I know you have had 4 kids and this IS your grandson, but he has not had the same start in life as your own kids. He's had many different moves and has lost his mum - its very traumatic and WILL have had an effect on him although you maybe cant see it yet.

He has also possibly been exposed to drugs pre natally and has a posssible family history of mental illness - I woudl guess thsi is all new to you and and the Fc may well have experince of these issues which you dont

sorry guess thats not what you wanted to hear

Original poster

lijaco15 · 04/09/2007 21:17

Hi KristinaM thanks for your feedback I was thinking along the same lines as I do not want to upset the apple cart now that things are going so well. Just a little anxious as f.c. seems very attatched to baby. I know that he is in good hands and looked after well. She is telling me that s.s. don't tell her anything and seems to be under the impression that baby will be with her for a while. Where as we understand it is going to panel in Oct and baby will be with us in the very near future. F.C has said to me that they were going to move him previously and she was devestated, unable to speak and shaking. They were going to move him due to high costs as she is with a private agency. She then accepted lower payments and fought to keep him. We didn't want him moved either as we want minimum disruption. I just feel that she is telling me too much and asking for info that I feel isn't my place to give. I want what is best for baby.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 06/09/2007 12:31

if you are going to panel in october, baby shoudl coem to you within a couple of weeks. after all you are already having contcat and he is very young

i understand that you feel for the FC because she is so attached to the baby, but its actually a good thing for your GS. I'm afriad that you can't take on responsibility for the FC's feelings - she is a professional doing a job and she will have other supports to help her deal with this.

i think you need to remain polite & co-operative but emotionally detached from her. if she asks for information i would just smile politely and say " oh i dont really knwo you woudl need to ask SW"

Original poster

lijaco15 · 06/09/2007 19:36

That is what I have been doing. Just feel really pleased if things are now going to happen quickly. I didn't realise that after panel it may only be a couple of weeks!!

OP posts:

KristinaM · 07/09/2007 21:13

introductions for an older child woudl usually only take 2 weeks maximum so i dont see why they woudl be longer for a baby. if the court has already said that he should be placed with you, i am assuming that the panel is the last thing that has to be put in place?

howvere i dont knwo teh legal situation in your country - maybe soemone else woudl knwo better???

Original poster

lijaco15 · 07/09/2007 22:54

When speaking to s.s. they did actually say that the move would be gradual over a two week basis. I am just not taking anything for granted.

OP posts:

KristinaM · 26/09/2007 19:14

hows it going lijaco? you must be going to panel in the next few weeks?

have you been swotting up on attachment parenting?

Flip

1 2 3