Adoption through LA or agency.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Hi all,

After a couple of years of discussions about adoption and more recently about whether to TTC, we have decided to go ahead with adoption next year. (I'm waiting to be made permanent in my job first).

We want to adopt a child, aged 4-8 and wanted opinions and experience on whether to go via our LA, or an agency?

Are there pros and cons of each?

We have attended an adoption agency open evening and they seemed very good. Not yet attended a LA run one though. But will do.

Any thoughts please?

Local authorities are the only agencies that 'have' children. They will always want to find adopters in house first before going out to volunteer agencies.

Some people argue that because of this, VA's tend to have harder to place children. However, I have spoken to numerous adopters who used VA and they have told me otherwise.

It's now argued that some LA have such a low pool of adopters (perhaps a small LA) that the only way for them to get adopters is to go elsewhere. Inagin a LA has 50 children but only 5 adopters. They have no option but to go to VA.

I've hear VA also tend to have better after adoption support if it's needed. I adopted through an LA but haven't had to use that service yet.

It's also worth noting you don't have to use the LA your in. We went to the next LA over so we had less chance of bumping into a birth parent. This is also an advantage VAs have as they can search UK wide.

If you search, this has been discussed a few times!

Find the best organisation with post adoption support in case you need it.

We have had excellent support from our county council adoption service.

We found the support better through a VA and they were also more ‘on it’, so to speak. We found ourselves waiting a lot for movement forward when we enquired through our LA, and this was frustrating. We thought that if they found it hard to deal with minor and basic enquiries, then it would be even more of a struggle with serious issues that may happen down the line.

Hi all, thank you.

Going to LA information evening a week on Monday and Agency next month to get a feel for both.

Very good summary from Hitchyhero. To pick up the main two differences, which she mentioned.

Some people argue that because of this, VA's tend to have harder to place children. However, I have spoken to numerous adopters who used VA and they have told me otherwise.

My impression is that this varies by region and by your marketability. If you are a healthy, wealthy, educated, under 45 YO couple and (most importantly) have a good support network then the chances are you can get matched with an 'easy to place' child sooner or later.

If you are 'hard to match' then some kind of foster to adopt through an LA might be your only bet for a blond, blue eyed 6MO girl; but then VAs can often be a lot better at searching for adopters who might get short shrift from some LAs.

Some VAs do specialise in 'harder to place' so choose the right one. Note that adoption contains a lot of uncertainty, so 'harder to place' is in quotes because it can be meaningless as a predictor of future issues.

I've hear VA also tend to have better after adoption support if it's needed.

There was a report from Ofsted, some years back, which indicated this was very much the case. There have been many changes since, but LAs are always stretched.

All of the above said, a VA can be terrible and an LA great or vice versa. You should do your research and pick the best agency for your needs.

N.B. If you are in scotland or NI, ignore much of the above and ask for specific advice on those regions.

@donquixotedelamancha thanks for the extra info. So it's a 50/50 story for us.

I'm 42, partner is 40. Good, stable jobs, joint income of £68k, 4-bed semi on a mortgage, not sure if that counts a wealthy, we aren't rich, but aren't poor. We get by and get to have a holiday once a year.

We aren't overweight, don't smoke, don't have any other children, been together five years. Have two dogs.

My possible factors / worries for not being accepted are I had depression in my teens and 20s, but I had instensive counselling aged 25 and it's never returned. I had a tough and violent childhood (the root cause of my depression), and in adult life my mum was as an alcoholic until it killed her aged 64 in April of this year, but I was NC with her as I couldn't deal with her in my life anymore.

My boyfriend's childhood was tough too, his mum walked on her her kids when he was six. He was raised by his dad and reconciled with his mum when he was older.

Despite our knocks, we consider ourselves to be resilient, well rounded individuals, with a lot of love to give. My friends and family often comment on how well I've turned out despite a rough start to life, which I agree with, without sounding boastful!

We've never TTC, as I've always wanted to adopt and give a child a new start and loving home and DP said he's now ready too.

Finally I don't have any family locally at all. But I have an abundance of the most amazing friends who are, to me, my family, who I hope will count as a support network?

we aren't rich
You really are, compared to most people.

Everything you describe are big positives, you need to spin them as such: resilience, experience of some of the issues a child may face, ability to ask for help, strength as a couple, motivation to adopt.

(Note: emphasising strengths for matching does not negate that you will have to explore potential vulnerabilities during the process- that's really important)

The only weakness will be the support network, make sure you have lots of concrete examples of how friends will provide that. Get lots of childcare experience if possible.

You really are, compared to most people.

Sorry, just reread that, sounds brusque.

What I mean is: you earn more than most and are likely to be very financially secure- which is all matching are interested in.

@donquixotedelamancha LOL! I didn't take it the wrong way. Don't worry. :)

We live to our means if you see what I mean? We need to be better at saving to be honest. But on the plus side, we don't have much by way of debt thankfully.

Yes, my sister lives three hours away but we've said we'd love our niece to come and stay for a long weekend or over the holidays, now she's a bit older (7), confident and less clingy to her mum and dad.

My DP's grown up niece has a 7yo DD and 1yo DS that we'd want to be more involved with and will certainly ask if we can help out a bit more.

I certainly have some very amazing friends that I could call on in a heartbeat as my support and my dad's sister is an hour away, I'm very close to her, despite the miles between us and she would certainly be there for me.

Luckily my DP's family are a lot closer geographically and all really lovely.

I feel because I had knocks in childhood and as an adult, that I could really relate to a child who's come from a similar background and understand how they might be feeling.

Likewise, my DP was very shy and lacking confidence from growing up without a mum, but he's a totally different person now and forgave his mum and has a good relationship with her. She's very nice and regrets walking out so much, she's apologised so much and thanks her "kids" for forgiving her. ❤️

Oh thank you @donquixotedelamancha and PPs. Some really helpful advice here. Appreciate it immensely.

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery you sound like you have a lot to offer.

When you see the two options in your area, or more, check out what they say about post adoption support. We have had LOADS of post adoption support and we went with a local authority. But no idea what your local area is like.

Our family all live quite far away, apart from Dh's elderly parents. We do get some support from them but realistically all the support comes from local friends who have same aged kids. Which you tend to meet when have the kids.

So look at the friends you have and what they can offer - help shopping from local friends, emotional support by phone from friends further afield, local friends with kids who can encourage you, pass down some clothes, give you a chance to look after their kids (if appropriate etc) to get some vital experience.

Good luck.

@Italiangreyhound thank you so much. That's really helpful.

At both the upcoming information events, we shall ask about the post adoption support offered and start putting feelers out amongst friends for who I can count on as my network, in lieu of family.

Great. I'd be both practical and 'gut' feeling about it.

Make notes, ask similar questions so comparing like for like. Don't ask leading questions like "woukd you do xyz?" Ask "what would you do if....?"

Good luck.

And the gut feelings do count too. E.g. warm reception verses frosty feelings! Hopefully one will be clear winner.

@Italiangreyhound thank you so much. Any idea on what type of questions to ask please?

That's a hard one. I think I may say

"What sort of post adoption support do you offer?"
"What's the system for getting help?" (E.g. do you call and ask, do you apply a different way, if they are willing to engage they may be able to give examples of courses/services they offer. Our local authority offered at least five different forms of 'class'. These are all with the adults present not the kids. They also offer one to one stuff, adult to supporter (or two to one if both parents attend) and they also offer things like Theraplay and video Interactive Guidance where the parent and child are present.

This is the thread I started on the same topic before we adopted over 5 years ago!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/a1513275-Open-evening-soon-what-should-we-ask

See answers from others, and then I commented on others threads...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2192221-Adoption-open-evening-what-to-expect

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/3109068-Adoption-information-evening-what-to-expect

Any idea on what type of questions to ask please?

In addition to what's been said and what is on those threads; numbers:
How many adopters approved and waiting?
Average time to approval and matching?
Number of kids adopted last year?
What age/level of need do they tend to place most?

What you don't want is average approval of much more than 6 months and average matching time of more than a few months.

There are always good reasons why some people will take longer, but if the average takes a long time there is an issue.

But numbers are no substitute for experience. Try to get to a meet the adopters event and ask their experience.

When I went to a LA information event they said that if they do not find a match for you in the pool of children they have, they will look to other LA's. Can anyone confirm this?

I am really split between LA and VA as I feel that VA because they get paid when they place a child, they are more strick when selecting people as future adopters as they do not want to invest time to people that a LA may not approve as an adopter. E.g. in my case we have two properties, one in London and one in Hampshire as during the week I work in London and when I asked PACT (VA) if this is a problem they said that I need to be living with my partner for two years, although I clarified to them that we live together, and it is just that during the week I have to stay in London for my work and when we adopt I will move permanately to Hampshire.