Stage 1 adoption - home visit questions

[babiijodiix0]

Hi - first post!

Me and my partner have started the progress for adoption! We have applied for x2 agencies to gather information, one has already put me off on the inital phone call and said I wouldn't be chosen because my bmi is too high? (I'm 5,9 and size 16 but I do weigh alot tbh haha) but when you look at me you wouldn't think gosh so I was taken aback. This other agency hasn't said anything about weight and I'm waiting for the home visits of both (I managed to talk the other one round to come and look at me!) , I'm hoping when they see me they can let me through to next stage if they are the ones we go for but was wondering if anyone else had been stopped due to this? And also what information would you have ready for them? I have a list of questions to ask them both and also a list of support (a family member of mine has gone through adoption process and she said it's good to show them you are serious and have a thought out plan)

Any help and pointers would be great!

Thanks for reading.

Firstly - good luck with the process!

I have a BMI of 42 I know, I know. We were unanimously approved at panel last June and are hoping to be matched soon, as we've had a bit of a rocky road since adoption panel approval.

I can honestly say my weight was never an issue BUT this was probably because I have a good resting heart rate, low blood pressure and no health issues at all. Like you I carry my weight really well and people are shocked if I tell them how much I weigh. I made it clear that I'm aware being overweight is unhealthy and I did lose just over a stone sensibly before panel (have comfort eaten it back on since but back on track now).

We are going through our local authority rather than an agency so this may be worth exploring too (I can't speak highly enough of our SW but I know we've been very lucky).

We were asked why we wanted to adopt which is one of those deceptively simple questions you can tie yourself up in knots with. We went with the simple and honest "we'd love a family and we think we have a lot to offer". Realising that the children are at the centre of the process (families for children, not vice versa) is also a good start, as your family member will probably confirm.

Yes to talking about your current support network if asked, I would also acknowledge that this will likely change and develop as you go through the process (our certainly has and we have made some good friends along the way).

Think about your current childcare experience and be open to expanding this via volunteering (e.g. kids clubs/nursery/school/relatives). You can relate this to the kind of ages of children you are hoping to adopt - again, try to be flexible and open about this. Realising that parenting adopted children will be totally different to birth children is important too. The fact you have an adopted child in your wider family will be really helpful in demonstrating an understanding of this, though of course every experience is different

Our initial meeting was about 3-4 hours as we got chatting and it covered both our family histories, significant events such as bereavements and so on. I've had some tragic losses and these were explored, but in a supportive way. It's very much about demonstrating how you have learned from life experiences, building resilience etc.

Things that I was worried about being seen as a negative were viewed positively, e.g. having experienced loss I would be able to empathise with an adopted child.

They may also ask about your relationship - how you met, how long living together etc

And probably lots more but I can't remember!

Thank you! That was so informative :D! My bmi is 42 as well how weird haha! But I am genuinly fit, so I'm hoping I will pass the health checks as well, I am loosing weight as well gradually, I just didn't want it to be a fat no due to it.

I currently have a neice that is the same age as a child we would to adopt and I have been asking to have her on weekends alone and it's opened my eyes to having one of my own - I hope they see that as a step I've tried to do.

I have a few adoptions in my family, so i have a good network of support around me, my mother was adopted and I wouldn't be here myself if it wasn't for that. I've also had breavemet, big ones all in such a short space of one another so I hope like with yourself they won't see it as a negative.

I even have an adoption folder ready to go with all the information I have looked into and looked at nursies and schools to have a head start, they did ask me on the phone would I know what it was like to look after a "troubled background" child and I was honest, said no sorry but there's workshops I've seen you do, I have support around me, I'm committed so I'm not going to pretend I know something when I don't, but I will learn.

I'm very excited for us both!

It sounds like you're far better prepared than we were! Do come back and let us know how it goes.

And how weird about the BMI thing! I wasn't going to be specific tbh but glad it's helped

Also forgot - we read up on therapeutic parenting - pretty much anything by Dan Hughes or Sally Donovan is generally looked on favourably by SWs. Found Sally Donovan particularly accessible.

The weight thing is to make sure that your healthy. The children in services have already gone through so much, they wouldn't want their adoptive parents to become ill quickly post adoption with a weight related issue.

I found that making sure they know you have an actively lifestyle & you don't just sit and eat junk food all day

I completely agree with just sitting around and eating junk food, we don't do that, I have always just held weight even from young age. I was 15 when the doctors said I was obese, I joined slimming world because it was health risk and then they had to monitor me because when I lost a stone, (still declared obese) I began to have sunken cheek bones, massive thigh gap, I didn't look healthy at all! But I'm not naive, I can be better and I will be. I would hate to be in a position to not run around with my child or play football with them. I'm just happy to know they do a health check and it just isn't the be all and end all. Will Defintely keep people updated with how everything goes, just waiting for a SW to be assigned from our LA. (Beginning to understand the lingo) haha

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but are you sure your BMI is 42 and not lower?! Im 5’9 and my BMI is 33 and I’m a size 20!

Anyway.... I had one line in my medical report saying that I would benefit from losing weight, and it was never mentioned again. I worried about it so much and was convinced it might be a sticking point, but it clearly wasn’t.
There was a lady in our prep group whose BMI was close to 50 and she was asked to lose weight before progressing to stage 2.

I wish you lots of luck!

Hi!

And no Defintely 42 haha, people are always shocked when I say how much I weigh. Im glad it's not a straight no at least, I am aiming to loose weight anyway so I should be okay :) thank you !