Introductions cancelled midway, I’m devastated

[Adopting69]

No reason given. Still waiting for full report. Has this ever happened to anymore? I quit my job as a teacher as matching certificate received. I’m completely lost. Any advice?

I'm so sorry, who stopped it ? Did you feel things were going OK.

I dont really have any advice, just didnt want to leave you without a reply and some moral support. Do you have anyone with you ?
Your SW really should be advocating for you. The only thing I'd suggest is you contact your SW and insist on some answers - go above their head if necessary.

Let us know how you get on, someone may be able to offer better advice if we have an idea of the reasons they are giving
Take care x

Gosh, how awful. Like Ted27, I’m afraid I have no advice from experience but just wanted to offer support.

Did they say anything at all about why? It’s so weird to leave you high and dry in the middle of intros. And what are they telling the kids?!

I’ve heard of intros being suspended or delayed mid flight because something wasn’t working the way it should but nit cancelled all together.

When you say you’ve quit your job, do you mean to take adoption leave or have properly resigned?

Do you have close by support while you wait to hear?

I'm so so sorry to hear this. Like PPs I'm offering a handhold but no direct experience. However we did have matching panel cancelled as we were about to go in a few months ago. We'd met the children for several playdates so I can comprehend some of the devastation and shock you're going through.

This can be a crappy process with prospective adopters not always treated with respect. As Ted says, your SW needs to be advocating for you and finding out what's going on. Could foster carers have raised concerns?

Sending

Am so so sorry. Thinking of you xxx

Oh god, that is beyond awful..

So sorry to hear this. Totally unacceptable that you haven't been told why. Like pp I would be badgering my social worker to be asking the questions on your behalf... go to their manager if you have no luck. Go even higher. You have a right to be told why. Xx

I'm so sorry to read this. We had something slightly similar where we were matched with an unborn baby (early permanence). On the day the baby was born, the situation with the birth family changed for the worst and it was decided EP was no longer the plan so we were no longer suitable.

We had both finished up at work, and were at home running around getting everything ready.

Our SW told us very little over the phone, but came straight to our house to give us the details. It was an awful time... we felt powerless as we had done everything right, and had no say in the decision. We just had to remind ourselves, it's what's best for the child that has to come first with every decision.

Hopefully you'll get the full details soon, and it's just a hiccup.

Just wondering how you are today adopting69? Hope you're doing ok and are getting some answers.

I'm so sorry to hear this. How are you coping? Have SS given you some answers?

Hi @adopting69, yes we had this earlier on this year. We were on the last day of intros with siblings, it wasn’t out of the blue though the older LO had been very distressed throughout intros and we had also been worried about this. It was paused and we went home for a few days while everyone regrouped but then had a phone call saying it had been cancelled by their LA as they thought the risk of a disruption occurring or the younger LO being impacted was too high.

Our social worker went to a meeting afterwards and everyone discussed what could have been done differently. I think they felt we shouldn’t have raised our concerns as we are both very experienced in behaviour issues, but it was acknowledged there were a lot of failings in terms of preparations not done with the LO which would possibly have helped, a sibling assessment hadn’t been done and the introductions plan was not strong enough to support LO.

We had also both finished work. If you have started adoption leave and you were taking the main Adopter leave, you are entitled to stay off for I think 8 weeks with 6 weeks at the 90% pay (similar to maternity leave in sad cases where the baby is stillborn, the mother still remains on leave for a period). This is what I did and then went back slowly a few days a week during this time. My head was not at all focused and I spent a lot of time sleeping/crying so doing only a few days helped get me back in. Seeing ppl again was upsetting but everyone was very supportive and eventually got through it.

We went on a blow out holiday. After about a month we started going back on link maker and carried on with the process. I think some people might have had to go back to approval panel but we didn’t. It was really emotional and frustrating having to go through months of visits, matching panel, etc again and felt very bitter and mistrustful towards the process and everyone in it.

But, we now have our LO with us placed just 3weeks ago.

I had counselling which I would recommend, it’s a very unusual situation that most ppl wouldn’t understand and the feelings are awful and all consuming. I still think about the older LO most days and feel sad and guilty.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, sending you my best wishes Feel free to PM me.

@Adopting69
This is such a difficult time for you. I hope you’ve managed to get some answers.

@DashOfMagic
I’m so glad you have a happy ending. I hope everything is going well in your first weeks as a new family.

Thank you @dirtyjellycat x

Thank you everyone for all of your feedback. We are still waiting for feedback our SW isn’t being very helpful to be honest. We are planning to do a complaint with the LA, but not sure if it will help or not.
@DashOfMagic thank you for your feedback. We have looking for someone who has experienced something similar to us. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I’m so happy that life has moved on for you and hopefully in a few weeks we can do the same X

So sorry to hear this.

Happened to a family member. The birth parents had attempted to track the DC via final contact, delayed things by 6 months. They were very much on the dark as to what had happened for some time. Everyone was so busy protecting the child and investigating the incident.

I think that was the time they realised that adopters are the bottom of the pile!

You’re welcome @adopting69. I was going to PM you but remember at the time trawling the internet/Mumsnet to see if there were any posts about anyone else who had experienced the same thing, and not finding anything. As I said feel free to message me if you would like to talk.

I hope you get some answers soon and can move forward. Take care with any complaints if you still want to be supported by that LA to adopt. So sorry for your situation x

Sounds awful OP. Not had any experience of this ourselves, but I'm with the same feeling that maybe the FC has said something. Did you have any pause and plan meetings? Ours was a group phone call we're we got all the feedback from everyone, including the FC. Hard taking positive criticism, but it worked in the end.

I would fight to know the answers & your SW should be there with you every step of the way.

In the meantime, be kind on yourself xx

Did you get any answers OP?