Too easy?

[LaLaLands]

Hi all. Our little one started nursery this week and it hasn’t been what we expected. Our little one has been with us a year and is nearly 3 and a half. She have taken to it pretty well and is happy to go. The first few days at drop off we seen her anxiety masked as happy smiley faces and was very happy to go off holding her teachers hand. Yesterday and today it’s “yeah bye mummy” without hardly a backward glance. There was a parent session for half an hour yesterday where Parents can come in, do an activity with their little one and speak to the teacher etc. Again she wasn’t particularly bothered to have me there, happy to show me but was happier to play independently. That all said, at pick up she couldn’t be happier to see us ! Massive kisses, cuddles, “that’s my mummy!”, “mummy I missed you”, “mummy lets go home, let’s get out of here” etc. She’s been a little clingier and haven’t had the usual meltdowns and is a little more compliant.

It’s confusing as to what’s going on for her - Any ideas?

It’s confusing as to what’s going on for her

Kids are different. Probably all kids have some anxiety when they start, this sounds pretty normal. It will vary- they may get bored and grumpy one week, or play up when under the weather.

What were you expecting and why?

Are you able to articulate what you think might be going on for her and why? Reading between the lines it sounds like you’re looking for signs of attachment/attachment type behaviours?

That’s exactly it jellycat. Attachment is always forefront of our mind and I think you’re right don that all children are different so it’s likely impossible to know. I know all behaviour is communication especially for our little ones as there’s no way we can walk around their head (much as we would like to!). We were expecting escalated
Behaviours but in fact things have been calmer and she hasn’t had the same meltdowns as she normally does. I’m guessing that she feels a little anxious due to the compliance, relief at seeing us and desperation to get home but the fact she is happy to go off worries me. That’s all really. Ramblings of a nursery school mum!

I think you can get too anxious about the idea of behaviour as communication - that for me works as a reminder to look behind the “naughtiness”, distress etc to see what’s happening but you’ll go mad if you try to figure out what every bit of behaviour might mean. Sometimes it’s just normal, age appropriate stuff. There’s nothing in what you’ve described that doesn’t sound ok tbh, enjoy those precious child free hours and be thankful she seems to be settling in.

I honestly don’t mean that disrespectfully or dismissively, bit this is a king, hard road we’re on and she sounds like she’s just adjusting to change. You’re doing a great job.

Queen of overthinking here. I spent weeks getting frustrated with having to go upstairs multiple times a night. The first night it stopped after tweaking bedtime routine, I felt really guilty as I'd been talking to her from downstairs and refusing to go up unless she really needed me.

If she was getting upset you'd be overthinking it the other way and feeling really guilty for leaving her there. This is not an argument you'll ever win with yourself.